Rifftrax Live Returns With Hobgoblins Redux

 

After being kept off theaters last year due to the COVID pandemic (except for a Halloween special)
Rifftrax Live returned this past week by taking another look at the Rick Sloane travesty, Hobgoblins. 

It was an MST3K favorite way back in the '90s, and the crew of Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett took a big chance seeing it again. This time, they didn't try to run away twice. At least there's that.
MST fans know Joel Hodgson took a look at the original episode on YouTube. His reaction to the movie was very interesting, and, to be honest, better than this second look.

Fans may have been hoping to hear some of the original riffs, but this was all new. Some may have been repeating some of the original riffs, though. This second look didn't have as much zing as the original, maybe because Mike and the bots couldn't believe how bad this movie was the first time.

As with all Rifftrax features, the movie was uncut, but it dragged a bit. At least the Club Scum section was complete, and was even sleazier. That worked just fine.
Still, the re-riff didn't work as well as the original. That was expressed by a lot of fans on Facebook.

The plot, such as it is:  four furry monsters who are Gremlin knockoffs, wreak havoc on the life of a security guard and his friends. It features terrible dancing, frantic punk music, and a guy who is not Rambo and never will be. The riffs included comments on Murder, She Wrote, old Hollywood, Mean Girls, and Joy Division (the band is described as being like that band, but less joy). 

It was preceded by a Coronet film about life in a medieval town, mostly about a serf being supervised with a guy in a weird green hat. One of the comments include a guy who looks like Mike Ditka.

It was still great to see the guys back on stage after a dreary year. Hopefully, their next movie, Amityville 4, will go better in a couple of months. Seeing Patty Duke trying to fight an demonic floor lamp might be better than a dopey blonde pretending to fight a hairy puppet.

MST3K, The Streaming Channel! Coming Soon....If You Want To Help

In the not too distant future, etc.

"DAMMIT!"
"MAX!"
The angry woman slugs her poor lackey.
"OUCH!"
"Hey, you should have noticed I'm wearing my MODOK costume for the next Comic-Con...whenever that happens"

Yeah, it's Kinga and Max. They just found out not even Shout Factory TV won't OK another season.

"This is an outrage," she says. "They show the really old stuff, some of the newer ones. We can make more."
"Uh, Kinga, you better see this..."
"See what, Max?", she says.

She then sees Jonah and Joel announcing the new Kickstarter plan for MST3K to be its own streaming service, with new stuff and specials.
"BLASPHEMY!", she yells. "Why didn't I think of that when we had all those COVID specials online thanks to President Virus Chump?"
"Maybe because you alienated all those other streaming services," Max says.
"Hey, I tried to be charming, offered the Satellite of Love to Amazon Prime to help with their delivery services. I still refuse to believe HBO Max when it said I was more terrifying than Godzilla or Kong. I'm more sure of that after seeing that movie the other day."
"Yeah, I think it's more terrified that Millie Bobbie Brown is 17"
"Why?," Kinga wonders. "Because it means Enola Holmes 2?"
"Well, Max says, "let's see if we can horn in on this before Synthia or Mega-Synthia find out."
"Yeah, I don't need that sequel to Attack of the Clones."

So, they see the new attempt to bring back Mystery Science Theater 3000, found at 
MakeMoreMST3K.Com

After they see the pitch video....
"OK, where are we in this?", Kinga wonders. "Besides, I thought Joel retired. This is not the time to pull a Jay Leno."
"Of course not," Max says. "Since you have that Conan O'Brien shrine, with rubber duck."
"Hey, Funko didn't offer that.

"Well, aside from dropping a few bucks of our own (thanks to our somewhat official swag we did sell), we can figure out a way to be the Mads again. I don't want that loudmouth Mega-Synthia taking over my job."
"Right," Max says, "or you shoving me towards Meg when she tries to attack you."
"Why would you think I'd....OK, that's too easy."
"It's not as if you'd be friends with Pearl's Clones."
"Sure I would....until I betray them...or they do....

"Look, let's just make sure this Gizmoplex is made, then we can inflict ourselves in it. In fact, let's make a threat, er, video, on that."
"Good idea," Max says. "The first goal is two million for three episodes..."
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, to quote a Super Dragon. We must break six million...and we're already close to a million four hours after this started. This will be a snap."
"Yeah, and thanks to being stuck in that other theater Jonah made for a couple of hours, and reviewing all the previous experiments, we'll have some ideas on new entries."
"Well, it wasn't my idea to do that, but once I found out some TV-movies were riffed in the pre-historic days, I just had to look."
"Sure. Of course, Kinga, you really want to get the sequel to Grizzly since it was shown on Showtime."
"I'd prefer getting Mike Nelson and force him to see it. It's bad enough he's our arch-enemy, the least he can do is be mad at us when we recapture him."
"Yeah, but what if we try to borrow a movie he's riffed, like with Ator?"
"I'd rather not do that. We just have to beat him to the punch, or maybe punch him if he offers us Lycan Colony or something like that"

"Come to think of it, what about our dads?", Max says.
"OH, THEM! They fake their deaths so they wind up mocking bad movies online too? Whose side are they on? Next thing you know, fans will expect us doing it."
"Well, I've watched enough Turner Classic Movies...."
"You dare suggest me doing it and I'll find that Metal Reptilicus you found a few years back and turn you into its lunch."
"Actually, it made up a third of the Metal Godzilla in that movie."
"How? It looked more like a bad Lego set."
"Hey, let's just make sure this Gizmoplex is funded, then make sure we're part of it."
"Damn right we will. No clone gonna replace me.

"Come to think of it, what about Emily whats-her-name. Could she replace Jonah?"
"Maybe they take turns. Since it's a streaming service, maybe it's twice the experiments."
"Well, let's get this funded. Maybe we can get revenge over those who have forsaken us, especially Netflix."
"Maybe. By the way, Kinga, could this lead to spinoffs like Dr. Donna St, Phibes' Monster Kingdom?"
"Oh, great, waste 30 minutes on seeing the wild Trumpy, Beast of Hollow Mountain, Hobgoblins or Coleman Francis in their unnatural habitats. 
SAAAYYYY..."

If you want MST3K's streaming service Gizmoplex to come true (watch out, Paramount Plus) go to makemoremst3k.com. The campaign will run until May seventh. Lots of bonus swag will be available depending on how much you want to give. They even include a music box and snow globe. 
HI-Keeba!

It's A Wonderful Riff, Rifftrax, But It Could Have Been Better

 

This has been the Holy Grail for Rifftrax fans: seeing the riff of the ultimate holiday movie, and which has been the source of many riffs from this and MST3K.

The week before Christmas, Rifftrax finally presented a VOD of.....MOST of It's A Wonderful Life.
The entire movie is still owned by Paramount, although it was a TV favorite in the 80s when it was under public domain until 1996. 
Fans have been clamoring for a "just the jokes" version for the past three years, since it seems a VOD is out of the question.

Then Mike Nelson and the gang discovered most of the story, except for act three, is public domain. Some of the music is also under copyright but certainly not Buffalo Gals.
This is how he was able to provide an edited version of the movie, although some had thought they were getting the whole thing.

The story, of course, is about how George Bailey, who had big dreams, thinks he's a failure being stuck in his home town of Bedford Falls. An angel named Clarence, who wants to earn his wings (yet apparently hasn't had too many chances to get them), figures out he can show what life would have been without George.

This version is almost able to cleanly remove act three and still let the movie make sense, but those who have watched the movie may miss the "Potterstown" scenes.
Actually, the Rifftrax Yule Log has some copywritten clips from the movie, including the scene where George tries to convince Mary she's his wife. 

The riffs are pretty good, and can get dark at times. Note the scene where George finds out Harry had married and was offered a new job outside Bedford Falls. The riff at this moment is a little unexpected.
Then there's Mike talking as George's dad admitting he'd rather have a daughter.
Uh, this movie might change his mind. 

While the VOD is good, it would have been better to have the "just the jokes" soundtrack for the whole movie. Several other fans have the same idea apparently, and it should happen. Imagine the comedy gold the RT gang would have mined from George's inability to recognize he's in an alternate world that doesn't include him. He passes it off as a dream, spell or bad liquor.
At least in Tiny Toons' version of the movie in 1992, Buster Bunny recognizes where he is after it's literally spelled out to him. It takes a while for George to get the message.

So, let's get to the riffs:

The title is in quotes
Seems kind of sarcastic

George (talking about suitcases):  I want a big one
I thought this was a family movie.

"Why don't you kiss her instead of talking her to death?"
Good advice, voyeuristic porch guy.

Ruth, Harry's new wife:  "George, George, George, that's all Harry talks about"
Even in bed

George mopes after refusing a job offer from Potter (but then why take it?) but then learns he'll be a father. 
Kind of creepy to remember that Clarence is silently watching all this

George: We've got to find that money!
Have you looked under a big W?

There's also riffs on Willy Wonka, Robert Altman, Quibi, Dianetics, and Lana Turner. 

Rifftrax's version of It's A Wonderful Life can be found on its website. 

Coronavirus Is Killing Too Much of Reno

 

Coronavirus has taken too much from this nation.
As of this typing, nearly 241 thousand people have died nationwide, but it has also killed a lot of businesses. The Nugget in Reno, known for a famous burger, went under. So did a Japanese restaurant, and a few stores.

What really upset me is that this happened: 
Reno 1868, which had the best record in the USL in 2020, is CLOSED. 

Why? Part of it is having no fans thanks to the virus, but it's also the fact that the team would prefer its home pitch rather than sharing it with the Reno Aces.
This is why Fresno FC had to move out of town this year, but will go somewhere else. 
I have been to a few games over the team's short history. I remember when they place balloons at the Virginia Street Bridge to celebrate the team's arrival. I even wore the special scarf USL had to celebrate the team entering the league. After I had to leave Sacramento and miss its soccer success, I was so happy soccer would have its chance in Reno. Since it was the top team this past season, I fully expected to come back next season. Seeing that e-mail at work horrified me more than the idea of Trump winning.

A Facebook page called the Battle Born Brigade has had a lot to say about this, and it's not wasting time trying to resurrect itself, as you can see in this link.
Actually, a site called Zac Electrify has even more to this story, including the fact that the team has never turned a profit and the Earthquakes might be pulling out of its partnership. He does have a plan where we'd have a team in the lower divisions but would be a start to get back to the USL Championship level.
Sadly it means the Las Vegas Lights will smirk at Reno for quite a while, but Reno fans can turn to Sacramento Republic for a while. 

Remember, San Jose Earthquake fans were in the wilderness for more than a decade until Major League Soccer arrived. It's Reno's turn, and it can create something to get back to USL League Two at least.

In the meantime, fans can keep their jerseys and masks and other gear until the city's back in a league. I still plan to wear any of the four jerseys and five or six scarves.

Reno can be big league again, but it will take time. Medical malpractice will not rob Reno of its status as a soccer town!

Rifftrax Live Battles Jack-O, Not That One

This is me in a movie theater for the first time since February, thanks to Dr. Trump.
To be honest, if there were movies worth risking coronavirus for, I would go to an Imax theater, since I got a Galaxy gift card at a discount.
Sadly, Tenet ain't it.

However, Rifftrax is a different matter.
At this time, we were supposed to see a TV-movie knockoff of the Amityville Horror involving an evil lamp. Thanks to the pandemic, we have to wait a year for that.

This year, instead, we got a movie called Jack-O, about an evil pumpkin demon who's gunning for the ancestors of the family who offed him.

To be honest, having a VOD at theaters is just not the same as a live show. The excitement is not there. That's why Jack-O was a bit dull, but good considering the circumstances.

Anyway, the movie is about a nerdy kid named Sean Kelly, the ancestor of the last guy who killed Jack-O at the risk of his own life.
Thanks to some drunk teens who like Hamm's Special Light a bit too much, Jack-O is revived and starts killing people. They include one of the teens and a mean grocer who doesn't give out candy.

The parents have no idea, but a strange woman with Billy Squier hair seems to know something, and decides to get too close to Sean.
A really sexy babysitter played by Leanna Quigley (a horror film superstar) also figures into all of this.

A big question is why the movie included cameos by John Carradine (as a so-called wizard) and Cameron Mitchell (as a TV horror host), since both died before the movie was done.
Also, how did they get Carradine if he died seven years before this movie was made? He did look Photoshopped in there (but IMDB hints this may have come from stock footage and why this was the reason behind this movie). 
If both were healthier at the time, we could have had a knockoff of Fright Night.

Also, the opening titles has "Jack-O" and the word "Lantern". Were they worried people would think the movie had Michael Jackson in it?

On top of that, they come up with a really dumb way to kill the Pumpkin Guy. Let's say it's an insult to the "chosen one" cliche.

The riffing was pretty good, though, with a lot of variety of subjects from Equus and  Billy Joel to Tik Tok and My Pillow.
Some examples:

"Pumpkinhead"
What a great new insult for Trump on Twitter

Jack-O's at the mean grocer's house
I need directions to Ichabod Crane's house

The wife of the guy who's trying to kill Jack-O in 1915
I wonder if the Sears Roebuck catalog sells new husbands.

Before the movie there was a short about Halloween safety that was also shown during the Mads (Trace and TV's Frank) festival of shorts the night before. Granted, there aren't too many Halloween safety shorts, but maybe they should have dug a bit deeper.
I still say the kid that had to change his robot costume to make it safer was actually wearing a ballot box, and Rifftrax should have made a riff from that.
Actually, Bridget Nelson and Mary Jo Pehl have a better Halloween short, plus other clips with this offering at the Rifftrax site.

As far as going to the movies was concerned, it wasn't that different than the old days. There was only a plexiglass shield to protect the ticket takers, and posters about how the theater was staying COVID-free. If only there were movies that would get them back, 
There are....but at streaming services.

By the way, an R-rated version of Jack-O is now available on Rifftrax. It means seeing the baby sitter in the shower, in a pervy way, plus some bloodier scenes. 
Is this what Frankie Goes to Hollywood meant when they said "Are we living in a land where sex and horror are the new gods?"
In the 1990s home video world, pretty much.