Reviewing Two Movies On The Past And Future

 

October is fading away, but November will kick off Awards Season with much better movies. We're due to see the process of choosing a pope, an unusual musical, and some Russians trying to cancel a marriage (and not succeeding too well on that).

Some interesting movies have gotten lost in the shuffle, and this is my way of commenting on them. The first is My Old Ass with Aubrey Plaza and newcomer Maisy Stella. They technically play the same person, someone named Elliott. Maisy is the 18 year old version who's looking forward to leaving her cranberry farm in Ontario for adventures in Toronto. She'd especially would like to get away from her quirky family, including a brother who is Saoirse Ronan's number one fan.

Anyway, after drinking some very potent mushroom tea, she meets her 39 year old self, played by Plaza. Young Elliott is stunned, and the movie never explains how this happens. Plaza did play a woman who was up for some time travel in Safety Not Guaranteed. Maybe that character got separated from Mark Duplass and wound up in the past....where she gives birth to Elliott's mom. Maybe Future Elliott got a hold of another form of time travel and we have this meeting.

The point is, Future Elliott is careful not to mention too much of the future, but does tell Young Elliott to stay close to her family. BUT she should also avoid getting involved with anyone named Chad.
Both Elliotts do stay in contact for a while via cell, and Young Elliott does meet a guy named Chad played by Percy Hynes White.
Despite the fact Young Elliott is attracted to women, including a hot and heavy romance, she's drawn to Chad. He's a decent guy, actually, and a good mechanic. So what's the problem?

Well, Old Elliott is suddenly unreachable, so Young Elliott is on her own. That actually makes sense because Young Elliott might make the wrong choice and Earth blows up. Not here, though.
She's also thrown for a loop by some decisions her family makes. Her dad just says she shouldn't expect the future to be one thing.

Eventually, Old Elliott does come back, and finds out Young Elliott has made up her mind about Chad.
Old Elliott is not happy with that decision, but the reason is quite unexpected.
The final ten minutes actually makes the movie work as a coming-of-age flick. Old Elliott finally explains her Chad-a-phobia, and Young Elliott tells her future self what she'll do. The big moment is who meets both Elliotts and SEES THEM CLEARLY.  It's a moment that makes the film special.

Maisy and Aubrey are great together as both sides of the same woman, with te younger self wondering if the future knows what she's talking about. Aubrey's big scene at the end is very good, and Future Aubrey realizes trying to "correct" the past may not help her in 2045.

The movie is mainly off theater screens to make room for Halloween fare, but should be on Prime Video in November

Then, there's the origin story of Donald Trump, where he becomes The Apprentice. Sebastian Stan, who plays Trump and usually a Winter Soldier, said in EW that there is a little Trump in everyone. This is how the Trump we know came into being. The movie shows it's mainly due to notorious lawyer Roy Cohn, played by Jeremy Strong. Seeing both notice each other is very chilling.

At the start, Trump may be VP of his dad's real estate firm, but it's mainly collecting the rent. That's an amusing sight to behold. Trump and Cohn do meet to try to find a way to make housing discrimination charges dropped. Donald does see how ruthless Cohn can be. Trump recoils from this, but not for long. 
From there, the movie shows the slow development of Trump through Cohn's advise and help. He also finds love from a model named Ivana (Maria Bakalova). Cohn isn't sure about this, but lets it happen. It also shows the collapse of Trump's brother Fred Jr,, and hints strongly Donald should have made more of an effort. As Donald becomes more of a success, he leaves people behind. That includes Cohn, who will lose a lot in influence and also his health.

The movie has some interesting comments about Trump seemingly skeptical of getting into politics, and showing ignorance about his health. It mentions his financial problems in passing, but more details about that would made it a stronger movie. 

Both Stan and Strong are just incredible as Trump and Cohn. They could have a good chance at the Oscar race, but they might be crowded out by many other actors who will impress over the holidays.  The fact that The Apprentice has been in very few screens is another factor. It might make a comeback when it hits the streamers, but we shall see. 

One more thing: I was surprised seven other people were there for the one showing the Cinemark Sierra Theater had. They stayed, and seemed to be interested in it. I suspect it will get its money back thanks to streaming over the holidays. there is one movie that will flatter the heck out of him, but it doesn't have a Winter Soldier

Review of The Substance: Mike Nelson Has Seen This Movie Before

 

It's been a while since I did a review, but after seeing that horror movie that's MUCH more than skin deep known as The Substance, I had to say some things about it. 

Anyone who has seen it already know the irony of the above picture. Otherwise, SEE THIS MOVIE. It's got a lot to say about beauty and its false worth with Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley as (in a way) the same person.
Of course, it made a big splash recently in Cannes thanks to its story about Elizabeth Sparkle, a fading Hollywood star who's fired from her fitness TV show because she's 50. That's the reason an oily guy named Harvey (Dennis Quaid) gives, anyway.

Liz gets her hands on a black-market drug called "The Substance", which claims can make her a better and younger version of herself. It does, namely a woman named Sue. How she emerges is only the start of the horror. 
Are there drawbacks? You bet. The drug works if both Liz and Sue stick to switching bodies every seven days exactly. That means one is "hibernating" while the other is active. Sue fails to do that and Liz pays the price for it in gruesome ways. However, Liz also makes sure Sue pays a price. 

The second half is especially shocking about how both Liz and Sue (who, remember, are the same person) battle for power by abusing the drug. What the movie does to show this battle in horrifying ways will knock you for a loop, especially the last 20 minutes.
It's also notable there are NO sympathetic men in the film. It's like the movie exists in a world where Trump's in charge and sexual harassment is part of the Constitution. 

Of course, both Demi and Margaret really commit to their roles. It's Demi's best role of someone who's trying to maintain a life at a high cost. Margaret may be vapid thanks to her beauty, but it's not long before she realizes how easily her perfect life can end. If not for the fact that the Oscars are allergic to horror (with some exceptions), they should be up for awards.

I was especially surprised how far both actresses went in this movie. You get an extensive look on what they look like nude. For Demi, it shows her body is just fine no matter what Harvey says. For Margaret, showing her nude in her early scenes makes sense because Sue is literally born from Liz's spine. It takes her some time not only to be able to speak, but stabilize Liz while she is out of commission. Clothes, and stealing Liz's life, come later. 

A more impressive move is how the movie starts. An egg is injected with something, and eventually it becomes two eggs. That's followed with how Liz gets a star on the Walk of Fame but it ages and cracks along with her. It certainly gets the message across. 

So how come I said that "Mike Nelson has seen this movie before"? 
The story is actually familiar to anyone who saw The Leech Woman, the second episode from season eight of Mystery Science Theater 3000.This was about a woman who drinks to forget she isn't as young as she used to be. Thanks to a mysterious old woman, she discovers a rare flower from Africa that can make her young. Thing is, it has to be mixed with secretions from pineal glands for it to work.
So, it's a 1950's version of The Substance. Actually, it's a variation of the vampire theme, with the Leech Woman seeking glands instead of blood. 
Still, is it that far away from an aging woman using a dangerous drug to be young, resulting in side effects that will destroy her? 

The movie may not in theaters for long, thanks to upcoming competition from a Joker, other horror movies and the origin story of SNL. Still, seek out The Substance when you can.

Rifftrax Expects Us To Pay To See Point Break Riffed? Sure!

 

This movie has been a source for MST and Rifftrax riffs, featuring two movie heartthrobs from the 1990s. 
This week, Rifftrax took on the original 1991 version of Point Break, where Keanu Reeves as an FBI agent hopes to surf his way into breaking up a robbery gang led by Patrick Swayze.

Instead of broadcasting from Nashville, the Rifftrax gang did the show from the State Theater in Minneapolis, site of the MST reunion eight years ago. It was packed to the brim, and the crowd really enjoyed the story of how an ex-quarterback hoped to be Eliot Ness. While that may be interesting, Gary Busey steals this show as the hot-headed Pappas. John C. McGinley of Scrubs was also fun as a really stiff FBI supervisor.

The plot, of course, is about how Reeves, as Johnny Utah, takes on a gang of robbers known as the Ex-Presidents because of their masks. He finds out they're also surfers, and tries to infiltrate them. Using a waitress (Lori Petty) who happens to know one of the robbers, he first has to learn how to surf...and has to ask her to help out. He eventually meets Bodhi, played by Patrick Swayze. Utah gets sucked into the surfing culture, but still has to prove Bodhi is the bank robber.
The real fun is towards the end, when Bodhi figures out who Utah is, and forces the agent to be in one of the robberies. The chase scene with Reeves and Swayze is also classic. What other chase includes home invasions?
The ending is also a bit out there, where Bodhi begs to ride a special wave in Australia before he's carted away. It's kind of weird, but with two classic leading men, it's a fun cult classic.

It's fairly impressive that Rifftrax got their hands on this movie, which was directed by Kathryn Bigelow and was executive produced by her then-husband James Cameron. That's the power of Kickstarter, even though they also got Ladyhawke and Super Mario Brothers without it.

The riffs came fast and furious (is that movie next?), with some that were fairly topical. They remarked how odd it was that Keanu was cast as an FBI agent, but also mocked his and Swayze's movies. They still swooned a bit towards Swayze, considering he inspired a special Christmas carol.  

Now, it's riff time:

Pappas mocks Utah without seeing him...then meets him
No, I wanted the other excellent adventurer

The Ex-Presidents rob a bank
This is what presidential elections have become now

"Too much testosterone around here"
Opposite of a Maroon 5 concert

A surfer slugs Utah
That's for Johnny Mnemonic (four years later?)

Pappas points a gun and says "Speak into the microphone, squid brain"
That would be a great name for the Joe Rogan podcast

There were also riffs on Courtney Love, The Golden Girls, Capri Sun, Spirit Airlines and a certain Australian America is still trying to forget.

The live show is expected to be available to everyone sometime this fall, and should be a very popular feature. In the meantime, Rifftrax has some good features like a Bill Rebane movie (?), a disaster movie where people get sweaty before they die, and a rock and roll movie about a girl trying to get to the prom. See them at rifftrax.com

Real Housewives of Rifftrax Take On Bert I. Gordon's Idea of Noir

 

We've been a bit behind on a lot of things, mainly due to revisiting a Hellmouth and looking for a Slayer's house.

However, we are finally able to comment on Bridget Nelson and Mary Jo Pehl's third attempt to mock an old target of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Two years after Jan in the Pan, they're revisiting Tormented from 1960. This is Bert I. Gordon trying to spread his wings after doing movies about big spiders and bigger guys. It's his idea of a noir-mystery movie with his semi-special effects.  

It stars Richard Carlson (from Minnesota) who plays Tom Stewart, a jazz musician who's trying to get rid of a girlfriend to marry a rich young woman named Meg, He breaks the news to Vi (the ex) at a lighthouse. She refuses to cooperate, and threatens a lawsuit. Then she tumbles over a railing and hangs on with one hand. Tom decides to let her fall after a near-attempt to rescue her. 

Foe the rest of the movie, the ghost of Vi apparently haunts him, although his guilt is slowly driving him nuts, too. He's also bothered by Sandy, Meg's sister (played by Bert's daughter) and a blind landlord. 

Then some boat guy named Nick (played by Joe Turkel, who's had an impressive career) thinks Tom may have knocked off Vi, and blackmails him. Tom kills Nick, but there's a witness.

Usually, Bridget and Mary Jo have a soft spot for Carlson, but they said the young version of him is like an older Arnold Schwarzenegger. They jab on him a bit,  but they're more annoyed by Vi and how she torments him. Since he deliberately didn't save her, that tracks. They also don't know if it's horror or romance. Well, it's not.

Now, let's compare riffs between the two versions:

"Jodi Reding as Vi"
MST: as six?
Rifftrax:  She's missing an "e" and a "d"

"It's Sandy"
MST:  Your little conscience
Rifftrax:  I was cast as the annoying kid

Meg shows up at the lighthouse
MST:  My ten o'clock
Rifftrax:  Oh, thank goodness, a non-dead woman

Tom tries to move on from Vi's ghost
MST:  I'll make your life a living Hell, good night!
Rifftrax:  and that's how you break up with a ghost

"Tom Stewart killed me!"
MST:  Everybody, Tom Stewart killed me!
Rifftrax:  Nobody likes a braggart

Tom kills Nick, who wants to blackmail Tom, but they're not alone
MST:  Jim Henson's Witness Babies
Rifftrax:  Sandy's going to have quite the "What I Did Last Summer" essay 

Sandy confronts Tom
MST:  Sandy's back and she's pissed
Rifftrax:  Jessica Fletcher's Super Early Years

There's also riffs on The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf, Ursula Andress, The She Creature and Die Hard.

Some of the Rifftrax riffs are similar to the original but Bridget comes with a doozy towards the end. Still, the MST version is better because it has more pop references. It also has a good running gag on "Sessions presents" albums, and Tom Servo's "I'm gonna kill me a girlfriend"

Both versions of Tormented are available at the Rifftrax website. 

I! AM! ANOTHER! RIFFTRAX! LIVE! EVENT! THAT! NEEDS! MONEY!

 

And here we go again. 
This week, Rifftrax started its annual pledge drive to fund the mocking of a cheesy movie.
This year, though, it's a REAL movie, with people we've heard of...even an Oscar winner.
What's next, Speed? Speed 2, maybe?
Hey, if they managed to get Ladyhawke a while ago...

The movie is Point Break, where a rookie FBI agent who used to be a college quarterback has to find bank robbers who wear masks and surf. The main plot is that Johnny admires (kinda) Bohdi, the leader of the gang, but has to arrest the guy. Naturally, it's been used as a riff on MST3K a few times, but it's a big get. You get massive amounts of Keanu Reeves, Gary Busey when he was coherent, and Patrick Dempsey. Also, it's directed by Kathryn Bigelow, who's a professional and an Oscar winner. That's almost unheard of in Rifftrax movies. It's the anti-RAD. 

There's also working hard to hit their goal of 350 thousand dollars, which should be reached fairly quickly. The gang will be on The Mads Are Back as the post-movie guests, almost like they're on late-night TV. It's also the first time since Jack-O that it's a taped event rather than a live show. They will have the show from the State Theater in Minneapolis two weeks before it's shown on August 8 and 13. It's still a minor point because a riff show is a riff show, live or not. 

Again, the gang should hit their goal before they're on TMAB, but the real fun happens afterwards. We get the offer of "ten shorts for a dollar" plus stretch goals. That means mp3s of big movies, but the fun is predicting which ones. Ten bucks says Wonka is next if not inevitable. Dune 2 may be too good to pass up. Madame Web may be another story.

Anyway, fans can contribute and get neat swag by going here. The deadline is April 8.