MSTrax: Egypt, Italian Style (or lack of it)

 

The look of three villains wondering why their enemies are still standing.
For one thing, guys, it's not 1997 anymore. By the way, how did Observer got his body back after it was dissolved two weeks ago?
Again, TV's Frank has been through worse. 

People wondered what the secret third movie of the Rifftrax Experiments would be, and whether it would finally drive Mike, Tom Servo and Crow insane.
Instead, it drove a lot of the fans insane. It was a REALLY obscure Italian movie from 2000 called Mummy Theme Park. It's about an "Egyptian" sheik who decides to violate a pharaoh's tomb for fun and profit. He gets a photographer named Danny and his "assistant" Julie to take pictures of his new theme park tomb venture.
Yes, really.
This upsets (and rightly so) an immortal priestess who wants to stop the whole thing.

Actually, you can't blame her (by the way, this is not her calling Steven Spielberg that another of his movies is being ripped off. More on that later). 

The sheik guy says he and a professor are reconstituting old mummies and adding computer chips to make them cyborg mummies. He also has a train where visitors get a "history" of Egypt and the pharoahs. As you can see, accuracy is considered.

Naturally, lots of things go wrong and the immortal priestess vows revenge against the interlopers for ruining the tomb and making it worse than Wallyworld. Then again, trying to distract a mummy with breasts is even worse.
The photo guy and assistant escape when she hacks the computer system running the train. This, and the terrible theme park idea, DO sound familiar.
Well, that's Italian B-movies for you, bad dubbing and all. Besides, Wiki and IMDB actually have pages on this movie. 

As for Pearl's gang, she now thinks that theme parks is her next gold mine. She considers parks saluting designer jeans and Grover Cleveland before she settles on Egypt. She tries to invoke Osiris for advice, and...well...her son had better ideas in his day.

As for Mike, he's surprised to learn there's an ancient tomb in the Satellite of Love. The bigger surprise is what they find. Once again, this was the best part of the episode.

Yes, it's Tomummy Servo, who tells everyone to stay away from his stuff. He goes on to talk about baseball teams that disbanded even before the first World Series. No one tell him about what happened to the Polo Grounds.
We also don't know if he's related to the crazy grandma Servo from "A Touch of Satan."

OK, riff time:

The priestess is praying to the gods to bring back the Egypt of the past
She's asking a lot from this Pez dispenser

The secretary enjoys a very fancy bathtub
I always wanted to bathe at Splash Mountain

Remains of old mummies get "rebuilt"
At least we know where Tommy Wiseau came from

"Damn mummy"
This was supposed to be a graveyard smash

There's also riffs on Rudy Giuliani, Sleater-Kinney, Ozempic, The Muppet Show, Pirates World and AC/DC. 

After three episodes, Mike and the bots are certainly back in SyFy form, and the host segments are pretty good. I still say the Tomummy Servo should be a hit on Etsy. Someone will come up with it. Mike is still kinda old (sixty, in fact) but his riffing skills are still intact. All those years of Rifftrax, you know. 

Pearl Forrester, though, isn't what she used to be. She's into get-rich-quick schemes while Kinga had an empty threat to sink Australia. Pearl's attempt to make Osiris World is proof of that. At least Kinga made it to the moon (and might have gotten kicked out thanks to Artemis II).

That won't stop Pearl, of course. What happens, though, when she accidentally revives her son, and dream lover? 
Yes, we mean Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank in that order. 
As for Observer and Bobo, at least they're upright. Observer can also rebuild himself the way his planet got "repaired" after the Nanites blew it up. Bobo is more in the background, except for when he was stabbed by jarts.

We'll find out in two weeks....and whether somehow this Rifftrax  spinoff might continue. It depends on whether we find out that Gypsy/GPC doesn't like it when she's ignored.

The shows, among others, are still available at rifftrax.com.

Rifftrax's Wide World of Deathsport

 

The good thing about the second Rifftrax revival of MST3K (the SyFy years) is that we don't have to wait long to talk about it. So we will.

Failing to escape its connection with Roger Corman, Mike, Crow and Servo face something from the New World Pictures era with Deathsport, a post-apocalyptic feature from 1978. The Wikipedia page is pretty interesting since it spells out how much trouble they had making this movie. As Crow notices, "they spent all their money blowing up this movie instead of the movie itself." It's loaded with exploding motorcycles and vanishing victims thanks to a ray gun some of the bad guys have.

Before we get to the "plot", let's see what's been happening. As shown here, Pearl is trying to "revive" Deathsport by making it popular. 

                                       

She hints her lair is outside national borders, which may explain the aquarium, then says her Deathsport starts with Jarts. That's followed by Death Pickleball and Death NFL.
It does sound like she thought fake county fairs would lead to world domination (see "Squirm"). It also included injuries.

Anyway, the show starts with a short on hygiene for growing boys. There's a lot of comments about keeping clean and neat, and how bodies are like machines ("Rich is in dire need of an oil change"). It's good the show is reviving the mocking of shorts. 

Also, check this out:

In the old days, you just saw silhouettes. Now, you can actually tell there are three guys suffering through bad cinema. There's some light showing some details of our gang. Not even the Gizmoplex could do that.

The movie's about Earth about a thousand years after neutron wars and such. It's mostly barren with some very small patches of civilization. Our hero, played by David Carradine, is Kaz Oshay, who battles bad guys in a loincloth.

He's eventually captured by Ankar Moor, who "recruits" people for Deathsport. It's supposed to amuse the survivors while they plan more wars. The idea is to make the average person think they can survive in the sport...until he doesn't.

He joined by a woman called Deneer, which sounds like an obscure brand of air conditioners. She's played by Playboy playmate Claudia Jennings. Her ample nudity is why much of the movie was cut.
She's trying to find a little girl who was captured in an ambush, but winds up in this:

The movie is mainly motorcycle chases, explosions and a lot of taunting. There's also the evil leader dealing with brain decay, and Moor ready to take over.

It ends with a boring duel between Oshay and Moor with singing swords that are really off-key.

The host segments are cute, though. Tom sings about the pleasures of wearing a loincloth, and Bobo almost joins in. Then Tom and Crow talk about Australian Rules Deathsport.
Pearl, though, has her own version:

TV's Frank has been through worse, though. Somehow Observer will get through this.

Let's get to the riffs:

David Carradine
Well, I'll be hanged.

A bunch of mutants 
Oh, I miss Wisconsin (this is before Mike gets surprised by the Brewers)

"Your brain is decaying, my lord"
You need to floss your brain after every meal

Oshay and Deneer try their version of the Vulcan Mind Meld
You just know that Stevie Nicks and Lindsay Buckingham were doing this backstage.

Again, motorcycles blowed up real good
If Michael Bay directed Rad.

There's also riffs on Bill Belichick, three movies MST3K mocked, Fanduel, Angela Merkel, Frontier Airlines and Trader Joe's. 

Again, the credits are the best part of the show. Look at this viewer mail:

We also get a very short talk show that might be scorned by a comic who has a long name and some plants. At least Mike gets the upper hand for once.

So far, Mike is settling into his second kidnapping. It's also interesting he ruined a chance to escape but in a way that bots would have done. As for Pearl and her crew, she's starting to act more like her son when it comes to handling henchmen. The Secret Movie scheduled for next week for the Best Friends members (and November 7 for everyone else) may cause supposed harm in a unexpected way.

You can get the Rifftrax Experiments at rifftrax.com

It's Time For Rifftrax...In The Not Too Distant Future

 

Mike Nelson, in a dairy?
Thinks have changed in 25 years, but now they'll be the same again thanks to...

Yeah, he, Crow and Servo are back into a new Satellite of Love that Pearl made with her money she was able to skim from Qatar, although she needed an olive loaf company as a sponsor.

                                        

Anyway, she, Observer and Bobo are back, and really old (along with Mike, of course). They just want to accomplish something, like make some AI money. I think Pearl wants to make Mike her son that she can abuse, since Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank are dead...

HUH? I guess she cloned the wrong people, and they're OLDER! Well, we'll find out why soon.

The thing is, Mike, Kevin and Bill thought the best way to commemorate Rifftrax's 20th anniversary is to revive the Sci-Fi days of MST with four episodes through October and November. The first episode, Sting of Death, has been shown in theaters but is now available online.

This movie is one of those regional B-movies, made in Florida. It's like a Temu version of Creature of the Black Lagoon. A better explanation is what happens when you merge that movie with Blood Waters of Dr. Z.

A creature is killing people in a swampy part of Florida, starting with a girl trying to get a tan. We later meet a professor and some of his students talking about the great time they definitely won't have. 

There's also a guy named Egon, described as a "melted Adam West". He's tormented by a bunch of college students for no reason, but claims to have some scientific knowledge. That doesn't seem important...yet. Sadly, he's still considered Torgo of the Everglades.
Besides, it's not good to torment odd-looking guys for fun. That's how Little Death got started as a movie (and possibly something else). 

The creature wreaks havoc (and gets handsy with some of the girls like the one above)
while the doc tries to figure out what to do. They're also threatened by jellyfish that look more like mutant Beanie Babies.
It ends with the typical final conflict which shows the monster in its ultimate horror...hey, stop laughing...

At least it has the best closing line since Jurassic World.

This movie has two other fun facts. Neil Sedaka is featured in the soundtrack with his new sure-fire hit, "Do the Jellyfish" Who would have thought he'd have a big comeback nine years later?
The other is one of the girls is actually well-known. Deanna Lund would later star in Land of the Giants. 

The show only has one host segment, which is unusual since the Gizmoplex version had tons of them.
(Gizmoplex 2017-2026). What's stranger is that it's a song about the tardigrade, which looks like really small bears. There's even Mike as one of those little guys. Pearl is puzzled and disgusted, as usual. 

The movie is a good start to the four-episode revival. It will include Deathsport, which is good news for fans of Roger Corman and David Carradine. There's also Space Raiders, which is barely Ben Casey in space. It also uses clips from another movie, but after Space Mutiny it doesn't matter. 

There's one more movie, but that's being kept secret. Apparently Pearl will use that to destroy Mike and the Bots because it IS that bad. At least we know it's not Manos the Hands of Space...right?

So, riff time...

We see the "monster"...sort of
You put swim fins on its monster feet. That's smart. 

A girl sees an old radio from 1966
How do you zap Hot Pockets with this thing?

A guy falls off a boat
This is no time for your Natalie Wood impression

Mike's review of Neil Sedaka's comeback, "Do the Jellyfish"
It sounds like if a jar of mayonnaise recorded an album (to be fair, that applies to AM radio until 1968).

A chase scene with air boats
This used to be how Florida chose its governor

The doc looks for Egon
Can you get mosquito bites while watching a movie?

There's also riffs on Golden Corral (of course), Young Sheldon, Carnival cruises, Coppertone, Eli Manning, the Houston Astros and Winnie Cooper.

Oh, and stay through ALL the credits to see the first Viewer Mail segment since 1997 (yes, we include the fake one from SyFy) and the worst olive loaf commercial ever.
You know what to do, Kinga. MAKE GRANDMA EAT THE OLIVE LOAF!

The MST revival will continue through October and November. You can get yours at rifftrax.com

Kickstarter Time! Now Rifftrax Will Become Its Father....Sort Of

 

You are not seeing things. THIS WILL HAPPEN!
Somehow it wasn't enough for the Rifftrax and MST3K crews to have a reunion back in 2016. 
Rifftrax had to pull a Darth Vader and become the master of MST3K...at least for four movies.
After that, who knows? A merger wouldn't be THAT out of the question.

The new Kickstarter campaign started on Groundhog Day with a goal of 20 thousand dollars. It's a pretty low goal, and it got smashed VERY quickly. In just ten hours, it scored a million dollars!
That's even more than the cost of a live Rifftrax show.
The plan is to show the first episode in theaters. We're guessing Pearl finally finds Mike and the bots (how long it takes probably won't be addressed) and gets him back to work.
Bobo and Brain Guy will be part of this, too, but they must admit a GOOD CHUNK of time has passed
Or maybe Pearl realizes "The Devil Wears Prada 2? Freakier Friday? Buffy just became a Star Search judge? WHERE'S MY OVERDUE SEQUEL? I wanna be in a Smart Industry! Now, how to start and bring back my SyFy hair?"
 

As you can see, Kevin and Bill just developed some strange growths on their hands, but the growths are benign until you show them Melania's documentary.

This is an interesting move considering the Gizmoplex tried to raise cash for new episodes but it didn't work out due to maybe donation fatigue or maybe the actors' strike. The need to see bad movies with justified derision is still strong, though. The Rifftrax streaming subscription model is as strong as ever, and it must have crossed Mike's mind he can revive MST in his own way. It's safe to say the set will be just like the SyFy days, along with the style. It's basically Rifftrax with the shadows and host segments.
IT'S NOT THAT HARD.

I still would like Pearl to mock Kinga's efforts, knowing she won't respond.
But what if she did? That has to be considered, if this experiment continues beyond 2026 and Thunderdome.
By the way, if Amazon Prime can copy Rifftrax's stunt of a poorly edited version of "It's a Wonderful Life", let's have a "Just the Jokes version"as a bonus reward

UPDATE:  Trace Beaulieu and TV's Frank Conniff will be part of the fourth and final MSTrax movie.
No word on whether Pearl, Bobo and Observer made this happen, but that would be a good explanation either through time travel (sort of what Joel did) or cloning (hello, Synthias). However it happens, it could be the FINAL BATTLE. Maybe this is a way to get new people to take over while the bots can still be the Cyber Statler and Waldorf.

Anywho, pledges will be accepted until March 16th, and you can send some cash to RiffTraxMakesMST3K.com.

Stranger Things At A Theater Near Me

 

When the Duffer Brothers said they wanted to show the final episode Stranger Things in theaters, some people weren't surprised since some episodes were long enough to be movies. Happens all the time on Game of Thrones. 

Showing the last act, "The Right Side Up", turned out to be a good idea. It packed Reno's Cinemark Century Park 16 on New Year's Eve MANY times, and did the same on New Year's Day despite competition from college football. 

The other reason:  tickets are 20 bucks but it winds up being free. It's almost as good as watching at home, only bigger speakers and free snacks. The voucher's not THAT much, but if you calculate it well, it's great. Just think outside the need for popcorn.

There were fans ready for the experience...

Now BBC America used to show Doctor Who episodes in theaters, like "The Husbands of River Song", but they didn't exactly pack houses. Netflix really threw the dice thinking Stranger Things could pull in fans away from TVs at towards theaters. It's also proof Netflix is NOT to blame for fewer people going to theaters. It's medium popcorn for eight bucks. That's why they have to go to drastic measures like Marty Supreme popcorn buckets. 

So, how was the finale?
Here's what Entertainment Weekly thought of it, but I thought it was a solid finale. I would have preferred certain things happen, like Dr. Kay gets eaten by a Demogorgon (it could still happen if there's occasional follow-ups like Nancy Wheeler as the new Kolchak).
They added a surprising insight on Vecna, but he also winds up clashing with karma. Just see the episode, you'll know.

The biggest debate was what really happened to Eleven. The Duffer Brothers set it up for the viewer to decide, but she made sure crazy scientists with mutated definitions of patriotism (hello, General Shaw) won't try to remake her. If Netflix and the Duffers want to "continue" the story, they have a loophole, but it still has to be temporary. If El is somehow still around, she should get ONE curtain call and that's it. Also, have her prove she can do more than telepathic powers. If she wins without it, that's her mic drop and farewell.
Besides, Holly is clearly the next leader.

Anyway, the Duffers have their take courtesy of Variety.

Still, it makes you wonder why HBO didn't try this for the last act of Game of Thrones...or if anyone can do this again. It's not like Netflix premiering a movie then showing it at the streamer a month later.
Maybe Hulu can show the first Buffy revival episode in theaters then on Disney Plus/Hulu a week later.

In any case, it was a great way to spend part of New Year's Eve.
Now comes awards season, which should boost ticket sales thanks to movie fans who need to catch up on seeing nominated movies.