It's Time For Rifftrax...In The Not Too Distant Future

 

Mike Nelson, in a dairy?
Thinks have changed in 25 years, but now they'll be the same again thanks to...

Yeah, he, Crow and Servo are back into a new Satellite of Love that Pearl made with her money she was able to skim from Qatar, although she needed an olive loaf company as a sponsor.

                                        

Anyway, she, Observer and Bobo are back, and really old (along with Mike, of course). They just want to accomplish something, like make some AI money. I think Pearl wants to make Mike her son that she can abuse, since Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank are dead...

HUH? I guess she cloned the wrong people, and they're OLDER! Well, we'll find out why soon.

The thing is, Mike, Kevin and Bill thought the best way to commemorate Rifftrax's 20th anniversary is to revive the Sci-Fi days of MST with four episodes through October and November. The first episode, Sting of Death, has been shown in theaters but is now available online.

This movie is one of those regional B-movies, made in Florida. It's like a Temu version of Creature of the Black Lagoon. A better explanation is what happens when you merge that movie with Blood Waters of Dr. Z.

A creature is killing people in a swampy part of Florida, starting with a girl trying to get a tan. We later meet a professor and some of his students talking about the great time they definitely won't have. 

There's also a guy named Egon, described as a "melted Adam West". He's tormented by a bunch of college students for no reason, but claims to have some scientific knowledge. That doesn't seem important...yet. Sadly, he's still considered Torgo of the Everglades.
Besides, it's not good to torment odd-looking guys for fun. That's how Little Death got started as a movie (and possibly something else). 

The creature wreaks havoc (and gets handsy with some of the girls like the one above)
while the doc tries to figure out what to do. They're also threatened by jellyfish that look more like mutant Beanie Babies.
It ends with the typical final conflict which shows the monster in its ultimate horror...hey, stop laughing...

At least it has the best closing line since Jurassic World.

This movie has two other fun facts. Neil Sedaka is featured in the soundtrack with his new sure-fire hit, "Do the Jellyfish" Who would have thought he'd have a big comeback nine years later?
The other is one of the girls is actually well-known. Deanna Lund would later star in Land of the Giants. 

The show only has one host segment, which is unusual since the Gizmoplex version had tons of them.
(Gizmoplex 2017-2026). What's stranger is that it's a song about the tardigrade, which looks like really small bears. There's even Mike as one of those little guys. Pearl is puzzled and disgusted, as usual. 

The movie is a good start to the four-episode revival. It will include Deathsport, which is good news for fans of Roger Corman and David Carradine. There's also Space Raiders, which is barely Ben Casey in space. It also uses clips from another movie, but after Space Mutiny it doesn't matter. 

There's one more movie, but that's being kept secret. Apparently Pearl will use that to destroy Mike and the Bots because it IS that bad. At least we know it's not Manos the Hands of Space...right?

So, riff time...

We see the "monster"...sort of
You put swim fins on its monster feet. That's smart. 

A girl sees an old radio from 1966
How do you zap Hot Pockets with this thing?

A guy falls off a boat
This is no time for your Natalie Wood impression

Mike's review of Neil Sedaka's comeback, "Do the Jellyfish"
It sounds like if a jar of mayonnaise recorded an album (to be fair, that applies to AM radio until 1968).

A chase scene with air boats
This used to be how Florida chose its governor

The doc looks for Egon
Can you get mosquito bites while watching a movie?

There's also riffs on Golden Corral (of course), Young Sheldon, Carnival cruises, Coppertone, Eli Manning, the Houston Astros and Winnie Cooper.

Oh, and stay through ALL the credits to see the first Viewer Mail segment since 1997 (yes, we include the fake one from SyFy) and the worst olive loaf commercial ever.
You know what to do, Kinga. MAKE GRANDMA EAT THE OLIVE LOAF!

The MST revival will continue through October and November. You can get yours at rifftrax.com

Kickstarter Time! Now Rifftrax Will Become Its Father....Sort Of

 

You are not seeing things. THIS WILL HAPPEN!
Somehow it wasn't enough for the Rifftrax and MST3K crews to have a reunion back in 2016. 
Rifftrax had to pull a Darth Vader and become the master of MST3K...at least for four movies.
After that, who knows? A merger wouldn't be THAT out of the question.

The new Kickstarter campaign started on Groundhog Day with a goal of 20 thousand dollars. It's a pretty low goal, and it got smashed VERY quickly. In just ten hours, it scored a million dollars!
That's even more than the cost of a live Rifftrax show.
The plan is to show the first episode in theaters. We're guessing Pearl finally finds Mike and the bots (how long it takes probably won't be addressed) and gets him back to work.
Bobo and Brain Guy will be part of this, too, but they must admit a GOOD CHUNK of time has passed
Or maybe Pearl realizes "The Devil Wears Prada 2? Freakier Friday? Buffy just became a Star Search judge? WHERE'S MY OVERDUE SEQUEL? I wanna be in a Smart Industry! Now, how to start and bring back my SyFy hair?"
 

As you can see, Kevin and Bill just developed some strange growths on their hands, but the growths are benign until you show them Melania's documentary.

This is an interesting move considering the Gizmoplex tried to raise cash for new episodes but it didn't work out due to maybe donation fatigue or maybe the actors' strike. The need to see bad movies with justified derision is still strong, though. The Rifftrax streaming subscription model is as strong as ever, and it must have crossed Mike's mind he can revive MST in his own way. It's safe to say the set will be just like the SyFy days, along with the style. It's basically Rifftrax with the shadows and host segments.
IT'S NOT THAT HARD.

I still would like Pearl to mock Kinga's efforts, knowing she won't respond.
But what if she did? That has to be considered, if this experiment continues beyond 2026 and Thunderdome.
By the way, if Amazon Prime can copy Rifftrax's stunt of a poorly edited version of "It's a Wonderful Life", let's have a "Just the Jokes version"as a bonus reward

UPDATE:  Trace Beaulieu and TV's Frank Conniff will be part of the fourth and final MSTrax movie.
No word on whether Pearl, Bobo and Observer made this happen, but that would be a good explanation either through time travel (sort of what Joel) or cloning (hello, Synthias). However it happens, it could be the FINAL BATTLE. Maybe this is a way to get new people to take over while the bots can still be the Cyber Statler and Waldorf.

Anywho, pledges will be accepted until March 16th, and you can send some cash to RiffTraxMakesMST3K.com.

Stranger Things At A Theater Near Me

 

When the Duffer Brothers said they wanted to show the final episode Stranger Things in theaters, some people weren't surprised since some episodes were long enough to be movies. Happens all the time on Game of Thrones. 

Showing the last act, "The Right Side Up", turned out to be a good idea. It packed Reno's Cinemark Century Park 16 on New Year's Eve MANY times, and did the same on New Year's Day despite competition from college football. 

The other reason:  tickets are 20 bucks but it winds up being free. It's almost as good as watching at home, only bigger speakers and free snacks. The voucher's not THAT much, but if you calculate it well, it's great. Just think outside the need for popcorn.

There were fans ready for the experience...

Now BBC America used to show Doctor Who episodes in theaters, like "The Husbands of River Song", but they didn't exactly pack houses. Netflix really threw the dice thinking Stranger Things could pull in fans away from TVs at towards theaters. It's also proof Netflix is NOT to blame for fewer people going to theaters. It's medium popcorn for eight bucks. That's why they have to go to drastic measures like Marty Supreme popcorn buckets. 

So, how was the finale?
Here's what Entertainment Weekly thought of it, but I thought it was a solid finale. I would have preferred certain things happen, like Dr. Kay gets eaten by a Demogorgon (it could still happen if there's occasional follow-ups like Nancy Wheeler as the new Kolchak).
They added a surprising insight on Vecna, but he also winds up clashing with karma. Just see the episode, you'll know.

The biggest debate was what really happened to Eleven. The Duffer Brothers set it up for the viewer to decide, but she made sure crazy scientists with mutated definitions of patriotism (hello, General Shaw) won't try to remake her. If Netflix and the Duffers want to "continue" the story, they have a loophole, but it still has to be temporary. If El is somehow still around, she should get ONE curtain call and that's it. Also, have her prove she can do more than telepathic powers. If she wins without it, that's her mic drop and farewell.
Besides, Holly is clearly the next leader.

Anyway, the Duffers have their take courtesy of Variety.

Still, it makes you wonder why HBO didn't try this for the last act of Game of Thrones...or if anyone can do this again. It's not like Netflix premiering a movie then showing it at the streamer a month later.
Maybe Hulu can show the first Buffy revival episode in theaters then on Disney Plus/Hulu a week later.

In any case, it was a great way to spend part of New Year's Eve.
Now comes awards season, which should boost ticket sales thanks to movie fans who need to catch up on seeing nominated movies.

Rifftrax Live: The TimeCop Is Our Friend

 
If it's August, it must be time for Rifftrax in theaters.
This year, Mike, Bill and Kevin took on a cheesy drama from the '90s which mixes Time Chasers with martial arts. It's TimeCop with Jean-Claude Van Damme. At least here, he's not dealing with some punk kid who gets help from the ghost of Bruce Lee. 

He's a cop who decides to join a special group that uses time travel to stop crime. It doesn't like people going back to 1929 to buy stocks that survive the Wall Street Crash. That's actually a plot point.

The bad guy is Ron Silver, who uses time travel to get gold from the Civil War to pay for his presidential campaign. He even meets his nerdy younger self to make sure he succeeds. He has henchmen, of course, who also time travel to eliminate "threats" like JCVD. 

Van Damme joins the group after said time-traveling henchmen kill his wife and blow up their house. That doesn't mean she's out of the movie, since she'll show up a couple more times after she "dies"...and we don't mean like in Space Mutiny.
By the way, his wife is played by Mia Sara. She's best known for Ferris Bueller's Day Off but was in The Life of Chuck recently.

Once Van Damme goes time-traveling the plot really gets confusing, and you wonder how the henchmen keep showing up or how Silver suddenly owns the cops. You also wonder why Van Damme's wife has to climb the roof while newly pregnant. Still, what counts is that Van Damme forces purse snatchers to read his shoe, kicks a lot or does the splits.
Oh, and this was pointed out on Facebook, but the boss was played by Bruce McGill who was D-Day in Animal House. It's safe to say D-Day's parade car was less ugly than the cars in fake year 2004.

What really steals the show is a short called "Our Friend, The Policeman." (Link is here)  It talks about how great a policemen is, and how he's our friend and such. In fact, there's a LONG song about the greatness that is a policeman. It'll drive you to the nearest Tylenol bottle. 

Not only that, for the first time, I got my name in the credits. Of course, I had to buy my spot, but it is worth having it at least once. There's another list where the font is MUCH smaller, but this time it was quite readable to the people in the theater audience. Anyway, here's my piece of Rifftrax
history:


                                           

Now, time for the riffs:

The title shows up
I want your badge and your gun on my desk yesterday

Silver's henchman tries to rob Civil War soldiers with machine guns from the future
If this had happened during Ken Burns' Civil War, I wouldn't have fallen asleep.

Two suspicious guys follow Van Damme
Was that Penn and Teller?

Old Ron Silver meets Young Ron Silver
Is my naughtiest fantasies coming true?

"You're not Max"
You have no Headroom

Van Damme avoids electrocution by doing the splits on a countertop
Get your groin off the waffles

There's also riffs on Handmaid's Tale, The Utah Jazz, that policeman short, Marjorie Taylor Greene and the Boy Scouts.

The DVD for the show should come later this fall. You can enjoy the other live shows at rifftrax.com. 

Rifftrax Kickstarter 2025: STOP! In the Name of Time

 

Well, Rifftrax is moving on up when it comes to getting movies for live shows.

After getting Point Break with REAL ACTORS, they've done it again with Time Cop with Jean Claude Van Damme. It's a cheesy 90s sci-fi movie, but it did fine. It's almost a cult classic.
This time, they're asking 350 thousand dollars. Once again, they hit that goal in less than two days.
This time, I decided to splurge to get my name on the screen...just once. It also means I get a pin, shirt, blu-ray...and a Christmas ornament of a lion who says he can eat candy.
Yes, from THAT cheesy Christmas short they had a while ago. 
WORTH IT!

So, what is this "time cop"?

Actually, it's a more physical version of Time Chasers. Jean-Claude plays a guy whose wife is killed. He later becomes a police officer of sorts, going back in the past to find people from the present to change history and also profit from it. The bad guy is a senator called Aaron McComb, played by Ron Silver. He figures time travel is a great way to get fast cash for his presidential campaign. Thing is, wouldn't money from the past be worth less in the present? Too bad they didn't consider that idea.
Anyway, it explains why Ron Silver (the actor) was the Big Bad in that Heat Vision and Jack pilot.

By the way, Time Cop did become a TV show three years later, but the plot involved stopping people who used time travel for evil means. No plot about changing the past to suddenly get five mil for last-minute ads. 

Rifftrax will tape the show in Nashville on June 26th, then show it twice on August 14 and 19th. Since it's close to two hours, it's likely the event will be just the movie with very short pre-movie banter. I am guessing we'll get outtakes in the blu-ray. 
So far, the Super-Deluxe Rewards have sold out, but it's likely some will be replenished. The real issue is which stretch goals will be offered....and which recent movies will be riffed by the boys. Will it include Dune, Part Two, or maybe (we dare you) Wicked? 
Someone also suggested pummeling Madame Web...but Bridget and Mary Jo riffs it.

If you'd like to donate, visit the Kickstarter website.