X Games This Ain't! It's Kickstarter Time in Rifftrax

 

While Mystery Science Theater fans wait for news of a 14th season...and their swag from the Kickstarter campaign...Rifftrax has been busy.

Its annual Kickstarter campaign is underway, and this time it's taking on another fad movie. 
It's the 1986 movie, RAD, which ain't. It's about a BMX rider who has to choose between a major competition and preparing for college.
The decision takes seconds.
However, he has to deal with some sneaky guys who keep changing the rules so that their BMX guy gets all the glory.
Any resemblance between this and, say, "No Defeat, No Surrender" is unavoidable. 

The movie features gymnast Bart Conner because he clearly couldn't cut it in Gymkata, Lori Laughlin before Full House and the Big House, Talia Shire as the "go to college" mom, and Ray Walston.

So, should MST3K be worried?
No. Season 14 is coming, in the same way as Rifftrax. 
Will this be funded in record time? Of course. 
UPDATE:  Hit 250K in about eight hours.

The link to the campaign is here, and it'll do as well as last year's Return of Swamp Thing, if not better. 
The real excitement is what stretch goals will be coming through the end of March.  We shall see.

Joel Gets Flashbacks of Manos In Latest Movie

Over Halloween, Mystery Science Theater 3000 had its greatest experience by showing a 3-D movie in the best way.

Two weeks later, though, Joel, with Emily's bots, saw a terrible 3-D movie that was about as painful as Castle of Fu Manchu. At least Kinga was happy about it...in an immature way.

The movie is called The Bubble, which was presented in SpaceVision 3-D. It spent too much time emphasizing that, rather than adding a decent plot. Someone called it an incomplete Night Gallery episode that was padded to the hilt. It features future Mod Squad member Michael Cole and former beach movie idol Deborah Whalley as a young couple named Mark and Katherine. They're flying in a small plane before it lands somewhere but they don't know where. Katherine gives birth just after they land, but is very worried.
They also see people who repeat the same phrase or just wander aimlessly. In this photo, Joel says they're in a Magritte painting.

                                     

They eventually find out they're under a bubble, while it's implied a UFO is kidnapping people at random. Naturally the new mom is worried her child is next, while her husband actually wonders at one point if they should stay.
They escape and the movie ends. Again, they forgot to make a script. At least The Mask did.

As we said, the movie was more interested in showing the 3-D side, like so...
 
                                    

                                       

Also, the pilot comments the whole thing looks like a movie set. Too bad this scene confirms it.

Here's another photo along with a riff...

                                If somebody wants to rapture us, they'll have to catch us first.

Then Mark strips a chair that helps the people live without food (since they're already zombies). 

                                         Lay-Z-Boy presents the David Cronenberg Collection

Some other riffs...

Tony and Mark look at the weird town
This whole film feels like a cutting room floor.

Mark asks the unhelpful doc "how to get them to get out of here"
You Hippocratic oaf!

A truck crashes into the bubble, bursts into flames and gets towed away by the UFO.
The Hindenberg?

Mark sees how the zombie people enter a weird place to be "fed" or whatever
They're all Keto and they won't shut up about it. 

There's also riffs on Mean Girls, Wandavision, Andy Serkis, the Packers, Netflix and Greyhound buses.

The host segments were a lot better than the movie, as it included a Star Trek breakfast and a bit between Waverly and Growler who try to be Boneheads. It doesn't quite work, but their segment does.

Meanwhile, the escape plan is alive and well. Joel, Jonah and Emily hope to split by tricking the Mads to let them riff together in the Christmas show. Then, they leave this way.

One problem: the bots don't seem to be part of the plan. That could ruin everything, and Kinga may be in a "killing mood". Still, if Kabahl is really from the future (ridiculous, but the truth about him could still be helpful), he can stop this and keep the status quo if not improve it.

Oh, and the post-game show was a discussion on whether The Bubble was the worst ever, even more than Manos. Strangely, no one brought up Hobgoblins.

The next big event is the Turkey Day marathon with choices that could be riffs to the current season. At least the movies will be easier to see, while still bad.

MST in 3-D: History in the Making, and Season 13 Is Now The Best

 

Back in the 50's, movie studios thought 3-D movies will get people back in theaters and away from that %@#&!! TV set, or at least Bonanza.

It got people interested, but it didn't last. It's still around thanks to Real 3-D, but it's not a common way to see movies.

It's even tougher to pull off on over-the-air or even streaming TV. You need those special red/blue glasses to get the full effect. Usually the movie that's shown is either Robot Monster or Creature From The Black Lagoon. Even Svengoolie tried a 3-D show with Revenge of the Creature in 1982, while the Super Bowl tried something similar in a halftime show in 1989. Then it discovered pop stars. 

Not too long ago, Kinga Forrester went insane! She vowed that she, too, can show a terrible movie in 

3-D, and it will be brilliant. THEY'LL SEE! THEY'LL SEE!
And what do you know....

This is clearly the show's greatest feat, showing the 1961 Canucksplotation film The Mask in 3-D, and doing a fairly good job of it. They not only presented fairly good 3-D effects, but went one step further. More on that later.

The story is about psychiatrist named Alan who is obsessed with an ancient mask that, when worn, doesn't turn you into an annoying version of Jim Carrey. It does show shocking visions (even for 1961) that may reflect the wearer's inner thoughts. In this case, they are very disturbing indeed. They feature a shocking ritual and a dark hellscape. Despite pleas by Alan's fiancee and a bland but still competent detective, Alan is overcome by the mask. He even threatens one of his patients.

The movie itself is on YouTube, and a couple of people have made reviews. Still, MST's new version is clearly the best. If you can, go to gizmonic.com and rent it. It'll be available for purchase by mid-November. Here's some samples. 

The host segments included a way to wear four masks at once, and variations of the Ouija game. After that, Jonah and the bots do some trick or treating, featuring Max and Synthia (who seems to be a Tom Atkins fan). 

There's also a spoof on Monster Mash, where the monsters can't attend the Halloween bash (but might be available at Thanksgiving), and noir therapy.

This, however, is the money shot:  MST making its own 3-D host segment despite low budgets and COVID limitations. IT IS BRILLIANT! It also guarantees it will be around for a while. 

By the way, even the papermations and the "intros" were in 3-D. Here's a picture of that

The post-game show was also fantastic, with the crew with their own costumes By the way, Emily is not Little Orphan Annie going blonde. Not only is it funny, but gives some footage of how they pulled off the 3-D host segment. It better be in the DVD sets next Spring. 
By the way, the Gizmoplex site has the complete episode with post-game show in 2D and 3D. Audio problems reported by the fans have been fine-tuned.

This confirms that season 13 may be the best one ever. Considering it had to show episodes as a boutique streaming service, and make them under COVID limits and a smaller budget, it has done a damn good job. Maybe we'll have to wait a long while for new episodes (like Andor and House of the Dragon), but the wait will be worth it after a season like this.

Now, riff time...

first, a visual riff for baseball fans

                                      
                                                                 Dock Ellis with the pitch...

A guy who apparently wore the mask is about to attack his date
I'm coming to get you,  Barbara

"And did he have any friends or relatives?"
Does a Sailor Moon body pillow count?

Alan unwraps the mask when it's sent to him in a package
Got your mail again, Nicholas Cage

"Do you know Dr. Barnes (Alan)?"
He sang Fish Heads.

In the vision, a man walks wearing a mask
It's Franken-David Byrne

Alan's fiancee tries to reason with him. "Sorry to barge in this way"
I'm a bit of a She-Hulk (when was this riffed?)

There's also riffs on Halloween 3, Jordan Peele, Mars Attacks, 3rd Bass, Whitesnake, and Sherman-Williams. 

Fans won't have to wait long for the next new show. Joel (and Emily's bots) will take on The Bubble, about a strange small town invaded by aliens (we think). All we know is one of the guys from the Mod Squad is in it. It'll be shown on Veteran's Day, or two weeks before the MST High Holy Days.
It's getting close to the end, too, so if there are any secrets that should be revealed (like who is Kabahl REALLY?), we may be close. 

If Only H.G. Wells Saw This Coming...

In 1933, H.G. Wells wrote a book that predicted the future for the next 80 years. It was right about the future from World War II, problems in the Middle East and more. It also discussed how advances in technology could affect the human race and how it can stay human (or if). It lead to an interesting movie three years later....and a terrible one more than forty years after that.

Of course, Mystery Science Theater 3000 had to take on the terrible one. It's The Shape of Things To Come, which was already pummeled by Rifftrax. It was a Canadian attempt to make something that was barely like Star Wars, but a lack of funding, decent acting and real effort made that unlikely. 

Despite this, it extended the show's winning streak of ripping lousy movies a new one. Once again, Emily Marsh shows she is the future of MST3K. The Simulator of Love's version of Crow is getting much better, especially verbally, and that version of Tom Servo is still smooth. Their riffs also get off the rails a bit but wind up being more complex than Jonah's crew. 

A prime example is when Emily is asked what she'd do if she had 45 seconds to live. She says she'd face it with grace, but later admits she'd burn everything down with a flame thrower (which makes sense to the bots).

So, the plot (?):  some budding space dictator named Omos, a role devoured by Jack Palance, wants to take over the Moon after his robots take over Delta 3, the source of a mineral that helps Earthlings live on the Moon (something about ruining the Earth after some robot wars). The only people who can stop him is a Moon Councilman named Caball, his son Jason, his friend Kim and a modified robot named Sparks. They have to steal a spaceship to do it, but that makes it almost like Rogue One, right?

Meanwhile the ex-leader of Delta 3, named Nikki (Carol Lynley), tries to fight Omos off. Sadly, she may have the ideal pant suit but not the weapons. 

Caball and his crew stop off at Earth to fix the ship, and find kids who were victims of the robot war. Then they head to Delta 3, but have to get through a magnetic field that inspires drug jokes and a trip to the Friend Zone for Jason. 

They challenge Omos but it doesn't turn out well...until the least likely person in the cast saves the day. You figure out who. At least Jack gets a defeat that seems slightly embarrassing. 

The host segments were also solid. They have a Friars' Club style roast for Sparks which gets "ruined" by Emily, a podcast devoted to a character from the movie that was seen for five seconds, and an attempt to make the robots able to love. That's risky, because they're worried they'll learn to love the movies. Uh, Roger Corman and Coleman Francis make that impossible. 

The final segments were bizarre, yet interesting. First, Emily and Servo meet Crow-mos, who tries to overpower them with his (or her) long pauses.

   
                                         


Meanwhile, Kinga and Max agree they can rule the universe by doing what Omos tried to do but not screw it up.
OK, but where's their robots? Waverly and Growler won't cut it, as they are investigating the hole in the roof of the Kingadome finally. Say, what if they find some who's not supposed to be there....like Kabahl? Now is the time, right?
     
                                         

Oh, and Max says if they succeed, humans would be obsolete. Isn't that bad?
Well, Kinga says she's not human because "I'm a whole other deal".
Meaning what?  Even she doesn't know.
If she was made from a cell from Clayton Forrester's medical checkup 40 years ago, that would explain a lot. Now is the time for that, too. 

The post-game show discussed the Hobbit, the best puppets, and Jonah wondering if he's was followed to wherever he was broadcasting. Emily also admits she hopes the show will be her ticket to HBO. 
Well, Joel went the other way (HBO to this show) and did fine. 

Now, riff time. We'll compare the MST and Rifftrax versions:

Overhead shot of a smooth part of the Moon
MST:  Moon Pattern Baldness
RT:  That place is just littered with golf balls

Omos:  You mean, what do I really want, Doctor?
MST:  I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
RT:  Please don't say a thorough colonoscopy.

Omos' palace
MST:  Full Metal Jack and the Beanstalk
RT:  Behold the evil of Sauron's down-on-his-luck cousin, Ronron

Omos tries to scare Dr. Caball with a hologram
RT:  And yes, I am currently standing on a Roomba
MST:  Visit scenic Mount Palance

Nikki tries to fight evil robots
MST:  Canadian Public TV presents Seven Brides for Seven Robots
RT:  This is me (Kevin) every time I find a spider in the shower

There's also riffs on EMF, Buck Rogers, eHarmony, Mork and Mindy, Believe It or Not (guess why), Texaco, West Side Story, Baby Shark,  and Marvel movies in general. 

There's also a scene where a robot pushes a button that says "cancel"
Response by Emily:  Meanwhile at Netflix... (Bitter? Sure, they're bitter, but "Meanwhile at HBO Max" also works. 

A new month means a new theme, namely "horror".
The feature movie is Devil Doll on October 14th preceded by a short on the balance beam. Thankfully, it's not as old as you think. 
The main event is the 3D showing of The Mask (pre Jim Carrey) on the 28th. More info at
gizmonic.com

One more thing:  this was the intermission from the show. Just this. Five minutes straight.
Eat your heart out, White Dot. 

The Six Eyes Enduring Sumaru

 

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is quite familiar with insane jerks out to take over the world, or at least our bank accounts (like the current version is doing).

Over the Labor Day weekend, Jonah and the bots endured Million Eyes of Sumaru. It's the first time the show repeated this number since 1988 in the KTMA days. That was brought up on the post-show, but more on that later. 
She was created by the same guy who invented Fu Manchu. While he wants the world even if he had to burn it down, she wants a world where women rule and men may or may not exist. We're not sure.

What's certain is that the show's winning streak in its 13th season is still intact, with another great set of riffs. It's just as good as Rifftrax revisiting some MST targets (like Brain That Wouldn't Die recently). 

Sumaru (supposedly) controls powerful men by having her slaves be their wives or mistresses, expecting them to practically own the men. One problem: a weird-looking President Boong isn't going along with this, and she decides to kill him. 

So who's going to challenge her? Sadly, it's a secret agent called .00000007 and his young sidekick who's only in the movie to con people into watching it. They're also known as George Nader and Frankie Avalon. 

It's basically the usual Eurotrash spy movie with the bad girls vowing to beat the good guys, terrible chase scenes, and an evil plan that never gets anywhere.

Sumaru captures Nader twice just to taunt him with her sure-fire "I will rule the world and make sure no one spray-paints me to death" plan. Nader's lousy quips that make dad jokes look like a John Mulaney set don't help. Mannequins generate more obscene thoughts than these two people. Then again, she wants sex without feeling and he's....able to deliver the "without feeling" part of it (look up his history on the Wiki). 
To be honest, this is her real goal

                                         
                                          

Oh, and Boong is played by Klaus Kinski, free of Werner Herzog's control....darn it.

At the Gizmoplex, Kabahl (Baron Vaughn) is trying to come up with more ways to boost the popularity of the show, like spinning off Waverly and Growler. Actually, not a bad idea, since Synthia's done that. It's also the first time he's actually touched Kinga and Max. So, he's not a hologram (maybe).
He's still a fake, because who'd believe MySpace would make a comeback?

As for the host segments, most were about the movie, especially this one where Jonah's more clueless than Nader. 

The episode ends with Kinga singing the praises of Sumaru, but also mentioning real bad girls like Cruella and Hela. Well, as long as she never sees The Girl From Rio...
Meanwhile, Jonah and Emily continue their mutiny plans in rhyme, and Joel is also on board. 

The post show was another winner with writers Felicia Day (finally), Tammy Golden, Devon Coleman and Tim Ryder. They revealed some more juicy tidbits. For one thing, there's not enough money in the world for Felicia to see Munchie again (or enough of something Loni Anderson has). Also, they cut the movies down to around an hour to establish 95 minutes including host segments. If you want the uncut version, it might be at Rifftrax depending on the movie. 
Oh, and the Kinga number actually had special effects. That was due to a space suit shortage. 
At least Devon described Sumaru perfectly: "if a middle school principal wrote Austin Powers."
Then again, Sumaru would be middle-school principal material. 
Oh, and they compared this movie to the KTMA version. It revealed how terrible the print was, how the riffs were improvised, how young Joel was, and how people were able to keep up with the time and temperature during the movie. 

OK, riff time, and in some spots we'll do all three versions:

Both MST and Rifftrax noted the slaves in waiting looked like auditions for Kill Bill

Sumaru celebrates killing people:  "May they rest in peace"

MST:  pieces
RT:  slowest slow clap ever.
88:  Jeannie C. Riley...The Harper Valley Death Squad

Sumaru's slaves kill a traitor who fell in love

MST:  Pentacostals don't baptize this aggressively
RT:  Baptize the Hell out of her

Avalon is at a restaurant while people dance.

MST:  Hey, I know Annette Funicello. Are you impressed?
RT:  Annette, stop doing the Twist and take the kill shot.

The scene where Avalon asks "I wonder if this is where I'm supposed to sing?"

MST:  He's riffing himself
88:  We'll make fun of the movie if you don't mind
RT:  For anyone under the age of 60, that was a meta joke

Sumaru whips Nader, because she doesn't feel loved and feared enough

MST:  If there are any kids watching, it's past all your bedtimes
RT:  Could I get the thigh strangling treatment instead?

And this picture, which is the movie in a nutshell (the girl on the wall is dead while Nader pretends to be straight AGAIN)...

There were also comments on Twiggy, Mulan, Build-a-Bear Workshop, Venture Brothers and GrubHub. 

The show's salute to spy movies will continue through September, including a tribute to Super Dragon on the 16th. It will end two weeks later with Shape of Things To Come, an alleged HG Wells adaptation. It includes some guy named Caball. 
No, not like that other Kabahl, but it may hint this thing might come to a head before Turkey Day.

Oh, and the show will have a Halloween contest, and entries can be sent to mst3k.com/halloween. 
For everything else, gizmoplex.com