In the Not Too Distant Future: How Rifftrax May Take On Sharknado 3

Now that we know we'll have as many Sharknados as Transformer movies, maybe it's time to predict how the Rifftrax crew will take on this year's version of the cheesy SyFy franchise.

It's already taken on part one, as well as part two just a few weeks ago. It's safe to say that if it goes to another Kickstarter campaign to help fund the 2016 season, the fans will hit the goal within a weekend.

Fin (Ian Zierling) and April (Tara Reid) battle two big Sharknados wreaking havoc on Washington DC and Orlando. Then, they threaten to merge into something not even Bruce Willis and an Aerosmith ballad can stop. However, thanks to a spare Space Shuttle, and the power of the Hoff, they blow up the storm from outer space, They also battle sharks in space, and one of them eats April just as she's about to give birth. However, thanks to her chainsaw hand, she escapes, and her baby is OK. Yet it ends with a piece of the shuttle about to hit her, and the movie asks the fans if she should live, The latest word, according to Reid on Adam Carolla's podcast, is that she just might be back. She could be back anyway, Twitter votes be damned.
Nova (Cassie Scerbo) is back, too, apparently trained as a shark killer thanks to watching Michonne a lot on The Walking Dead, and also as a pilot thanks to Fin's son who's busy elsewhere.

Anyway, here's my prediction of what riffs we can expect next year from Mike, Kevin and Bill:

The movie starts with a James Bond style opening, with Fin and his chainsaw

It's 007 in Live and Let Bite, as seen from the mouth of Richard Kiel

Ann Coulter as the VP:  "I feel for the sharks, but they're wrecking our schools, our hospitals, our roads"
If they want to do that, they should run for Congress (yeah, too easy, right?)

Then the sharks arrive. When they're not destroying the Washington Monument more convincingly than Space Invaders or Donkey Kong in Pixels, one of them lands on the Lincoln Memorial.

You guys bite without me. The first sequel was exhausting

Fin gets help from President Mark Cuban, and both are armed to the teeth,

Marc Cuban is the President in Machete Bites!

Fin, his brother, the president and a woman lift an American flag and wind up stabbing one of the sharks, resulting in this

Uh, didn't people complain when same sex marriage supporters did the same thing?

We meet Nova, who's upset by all these Sharknados:  "Kill them all, just kill them all, shoot, bang"

Are you talking about the sharks, or the SyFy execs who keep approving these movies?

Meanwhile, at Universal Studios Orlando, April is there with her mom (Bo Derek).

April decides to help when the sharks get there, but mom isn't hearing it:  "April, Dawn, Wexler, Shepherd"
Is she listing the names of the new Ghostbusters?

Jerry Springer is a tourist standing under what he thinks is a fake shark at the Jaws Pier. He asks someone to take a picture of him. He soon finds out the shark is not fake

Hah! That Arnold Schwarzenegger prank at the wax museum really works.

A shark crashes into an xfinity billboard
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A theater is showing "Shark Wedding", with George RR Martin in the audience. A shark breaks through the screen, killing him

And now his watch has ended. Ours, however, still continues

We see David Hasslehoff at a chicken wings joint with Penn and Teller. They discuss how Finn is doing, while the Hoff says "He's just making it up as he goes along"

Oh, like Republican candidates trying to get on that Fox News debate

Fin's weapon against sharks in space?
It's the new Stihl Lightsaber Saw

A shark finally drops in, literally, the Today show set

Robin Roberts says hello!

Granted, the Rifftrax crew will come up with better snide remarks, because that's what they do. It's interesting what they would say to April giving birth while inside a shark...and escaping thanks to her chainsaw hand. They'd either say, "eat your heart out, Bruce Campbell" or "Shop smart, S-mart". There's also that last scene where April is about to be hit by a piece of the shuttle. Personally, I'd like to see April saved by Georgia Lass (Ellen Muth) from Dead Like Me, and remark "hey, my death was embarrassing enough. It won't happen to you, no matter what social media says"...then leave.

Hey, if you need cameos, get creative.

Rifftrax Crappening Part 2: It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Sharknado

After Syfy made a movie that pitted Los Angeles, or at least two former TV teen idols, against a hurricane filled with flying sharks, what could it do for an encore?

Why, do the same thing in New York, and add lots of "celebrity" cameos, of course. People will really enjoy and respect this bold move in disaster movies, right?
Well, "enjoy" is a strong word, and "respect" is unlikely, as the Rifftrax crew proved that Thursday night in Nashville when it took on Sharknado 2.

Ian Zierling and Tara Reid are back as surfer/shark hunter Fin and his divorved wife (but maybe not for long) April. They're headed east to see Fin's sister Ellen (Kari Wuhrer) and her husband Martin (Mark McGrath). Fin's also plugging his new book on his experiences from the first movie (book based on a movie, isn't it the other way around?).

The flight does experience a slight problem, aside from Robert Hayes from Airplane more or less recreating his role. There's another storm, and it's filled with sharks. It takes out an engine and kills the pilot. So, Fin has to do his imitation of Airport 77 and land the plane. However, a shark bites April's hand off. She's sidelined for a while until she makes a big comeback in the end. Meanwhile, Fin is reunited with Skye (Vivica A. Fox), who was a childhood friend or almost girlfriend or something, While April's out of action, Skye helps out Fin. However, he makes it clear (kind of) that he's loyal to April.

From there, it's more of the same: people getting killed by sharks in absurd ways, bad editing confuses people where the storm is, and Fin and April wondering why it's happening again (as is the audience).

The Rifftrax trio of Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett do their best to bite back on this movie. For example, when one of the sharks burst through the plane, biting a purple-haired stewardess (yep, Kelly Osbourne), it led to Mike hinting this scene may be irony.

They also comment on some of the cameos, like Wil Wheaton, Jud Hirsch, Billy Ray Cyrus as a surgeon (not quite a stretch because he was a doctor on TV) and Jared the Subway Guy. That recent raid on his house over alleged child porn led to him getting removed from Sharknado 3.

So, some of the riffs:

Fin tries to land the 747
Mike:  The new Hero on the Hudson, Captain Soily Pantsenberger

A Mets fan tries to get the biggest bat possible when the sharks arrive at Citi Field
Bill:  Novelty Looting!

The opening credits roll in 3-D while a band desecrates the memory of the Ramones with its Sharknado 2 theme song:
Bill: Upon hearing this song, the Ramones rose from the grave, flipped this movie the finger, then went back to punk rock heaven
Kevin:  Technically "credits", but I think of them more as "blames"

An umbrella blows by in the wind
Mike:  They killed Mary Poppins

Al Roker describes the Sharknado as a "twister with teeth"
Mike:  A twister with teeth is also his private name for Katie Couric

April arrives with a buzz saw where her hand used to be
Kevin:  It’s rare that getting a buzz saw hand isn’t your most radical plastic surgery.

There's also riffs on another of Kari Wuhrer's disaster movies, another movie about a "lovely day", Game of Thrones, Lost, Brian Williams, Ghostbusters 2 and the Today show. It's safe to say Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan don't escape unscathed, either.

Sharknado 3 is coming to Syfy on the 22nd, and judging from the website, David Hasslehoff's dare that this may be the worst movie yet (on purpose, he adds) may come to pass--along with the likelihood  Rifftrax will battle this movie next year.

Before that, the gang took on a short that was an interesting choice, It was the 1970s remake of Appreciating Our Parents, which was featured in the MST3K episode, The Unearthly. In the new version, an abused puppet turns its owner, a young boy, invisible. That way, he can see how hard his mom and dad works to take care of him. It also adds the fact that working moms exist.

By the way, Zierling was at the showing at the Horton Plaza in San Diego. Periscope has some footage of him meeting with fans.

The gang also mentioned that Rifftrax is approaching its ninth anniversary, and its 200th feature (although some fans have pointed out it's already reached that mark). They're planning a big special feature, and we'll have more on that soon.
The encore showing of Sharknado 2 will take place next Thursday. Tickets available at Fathom Events' website. The next new show is Miami Connection on October first, and apparently we can expect "kiss the ninjas" to be said a lot.

At Last: Rifftrax vs. Sharknado, This Summer!

It's been nearly 15 years that SyFy, when it was called the Sci-Fi Channel, cancelled Mystery Science Theater 3000. Maybe the channel was afraid Mike, Tom Servo and Crow would eventually riff on some of its original movies, starting with Mr, Stitch. From that moment, many fans hoped that one day, Mike and the bots would get their revenge.
That day will come July 10th.

Nine months ago,  SyFy aired the cheesiest movie ever made on cable: Sharknado, where Los Angeles is attacked by a water spout filled with sharks. Our only hopes to survive: Tara Reid and Ian Zierling.
Of course, this is even dumber than Mega Python vs. Gateriod, and that doesn't include having Debbie Gibson and Tiffany in the movie.
So what happens? Sharknado gets popular, very popular. Granted, it could be because people wanted to mock it with extreme prejudice. Then, two weeks after it aired on SyFy, it was shown at 200 Regal Theaters in midnight showings which just about sold out. Yes, people paid money for this. Were there people who heckled the movie in the theater, too?

Well, this summer, the Rifftrax gang will have its chance. It'll have a live show where they target Sharknado July 10th, three weeks before the sequel escapes to SyFy. Expect a lot of American Pie and 90210 jokes in this production, and maybe some Wizard of Oz jokes. If you bought the Wizard of Oz riff, you notice they ask during the twister scene "where are the sharks". This may have been a hint that the movie had been in their cross hairs for some time. Maybe they're curious how it holds up against Birdemic, where people use coat hangers to battle attacking video game birds.

Edited to add: Conor Lastowka, one of the Rifftrax writers, has an explanation on why it's taking on Sharknado, although some are worried it's like shooting sharks in a barrel: it's just like a summer blockbuster, only with 98% less budget and star power--and it came from TV. Anyway, here's his Tumblr post that will say it better than anyone.

Fathom Events will have this at hundreds of theaters nationwide and Canada. It will be shown again on July 15th, but tickets will be on sale starting May 2nd.

Meanwhile, Rifftrax will spend April Fools Day riffing on nature shows for the National Geographic channel betwen 8 and 11 PM East and West, with another go-around between 11 PM and 2 AM.