Life After Letterman: What Do We Do Now?

First it was Don Draper who left us, but at least he sort of left us the "I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing" Coke ad.
Now, Dave Letterman has left TV, and he has left us three successors who might not pick up where he left off, but they get close. That doesn't include Stephen Colbert because he hasn't started yet.

What will CBS do now that Letterman has gone? It has the "perfect solution":  reruns of The Mentalist at 11:35, followed by The Late Late Show With James Cordon.
With a combo like that, James will get less viewers than what Conan said he'd have last night at 11:35. I mean, why not "Best of Dave"? Bringing back the notorious Madonna or Joaquin Phoenix interviews, or Drew Barrymore's dance, could outdraw Fallon. That's a better idea than trying to revive "Crimetime After Primetime", which never worked anyway.

So, is Conan O'Brien the new Elder of Late Night? Well, because of seniority, yes. He learned a lot from Letterman since he took the Late Night gig, but he admits it was his decision to appear on Conan that really made the difference:



It's led to some really odd ideas like Puppy Conan, mascots who can't slam dunk but somehow do, Minty, The Flaming C and jeggings. It also led to a fine website, that trip to Cuba, and an upcoming trip to Comic-Con that he thinks will break his show. Conan's style will keep the Letterman tradition going, at least for now. After all, Conan's been at this for more than 20 years. He might be good for another decade or so.

As far as copying the Letterman structure, Jimmy Kimmel is closest to that. He's got a good relationship with his bandleader. He also has a family of co-conspirators, including his real family, that keep the laughs going. Aside from that, he's come up with great bits like Liewitness News, This Week In Unecessary Censorship, and really goofy man-on-the-street bits. He also had that great show honoring his Uncle Frank, the first breakout star of the show, and the time he taped his show with his laptop because of a power outage. This, however, will make Jimmy my choice:





Never forget!

Jimmy Fallon will be the front-runner because he inherited Jay Leno's chair. His bits aren't as edgy as his time at 12:35 (anyone miss Wheel of Carpet Samples?), but his skills as a comic, musician and mimic are impressive. He's actually more talented than Leno and Johnny Carson put together, and those two guys never had a bit that wound up as a cable TV show and another one that became a best seller. Also, he can play off his announcer and his band for laughs, just like Johnny and Conan. I'm watching last night's show, and it looks like he knew how many people would tune in against Letterman's last show. He did have a tribute during the May 18th show:



Stephen Colbert, your move.
It'll be tough switching from a Bill O'Reilly wanna-be to being the new host of The Late Show. Fox news is already predicting his failure, but it doesn't like his act. In any case, he'll have all summer to get his plan underway. I'd suggest interrupting Mentalist reruns, saying, "Network reruns at 11:30 is so '90s. This fall, I'm the next big thing."
If James Corden is really lucky, he'll still have his show, especially if he interrupts Fallon or Kimmel, saying, "Hey, I didn't leave CBS. My show's still on at 12:35. Please tune in to my show. Really, I need the viewers!"

I Am The Future of Late Night TV, And So Can You by Stephen Colbert

Take a good look at this man.
Stephen Colbert, American, ready to lead America to to a Brand New United States of American Late Night Television. He will use his understanding of American traditions and beliefs to protect the typical late night TV viewer from the evil influence of Fallon, Kimmel, Conan and that girl from E! who's quitting anyway because she can't survive Colbert's Supreme Manliness.

Never mind that fake American at 12:35. Today is a great day for America because Stephen Colbert, Uncle Steve, more American than that old Uncle Sam, will lead CBS and America to a new shining beacon on a hill, where America is America.

That will be a great day.....
.....that will never exist.

While being a Limbaugh/O'Reilly wanna-be is how Colbert became a key part of Comedy Central for many years, he's going to show his true self, and CBS and even David Letterman think it just might work. It's easy to imagine the real Colbert firing off jokes in Dave's style. He did say he'll have to add a gap in his front teeth, but that's not likely.

The real news is that the right wing pundits that Colbert pretends to embrace are finally on to him.
It may have been when he did that White House Correspondents Dinner in 2006, where he was the Colbert people see after Jon Stewart. It was supposed to be funny, but fewer people than expected got the joke. The rest thought what he said was what they believed all along.

Then came Bill O'Reilly finally telling everyone what he really thinks of Colbert. After Colbert spoofed O'Reilly's opinions on income equality, O'Reilly responded in his "Talking Points" Colbert is a "one of the biggest mouthpieces for the Progressive movement". He even said it was sort of Colbert's fault UConn students went wild after their school won the NCAA (not NAACP) basketball championship. It's all because of the grievance industry that tries to convince everyone that America is an unfair country, and Colbert is practically on the Board of Directors.

Meanwhile, Rush Limbaugh (who isn't spoofed as much) is also horrified. He thinks it proves CBS is declaring war on the heartland.  "No longer is comedy going to be a covert assault on traditional American values, conservatism. Now it's just wide out in the open", he said. "What this hire means is a redefinition of what is funny, and a redefinition of what is comedy. They're blowing up the 11:30 format... they hired a partisan, so-called comedian, to run a comedy show."

What does Limbaugh expect, a daily version of Real Time With Bill Maher? If that's what he thinks, he must also think Jennifer Lawrence is a threat to America because of her Hunger Games movies. Colbert will do what Letterman does, and what he also does in his Comedy Central show, when he takes the new post.
Besides, Limbaugh and O'Reilly are aware Colbert teaches Sunday School, right? Are they going to demand which Bible he uses?

The fact is this is a changing of the guard, and late night TV is different than it used to be. It's not going to be Crossfire with Jimmy Kimmel (best known for proving people don't pay attention about Obamacare), The Fallon Factor, or even The Late Show Report With Stephen Colbert. It'll be a monologue, TV and movie stars and music most of the them, even with Colbert. We'll have the occasional politician, left or right, as we always did.

The only disappointment is that Conan O'Brien won't get a second chance at 11:35. Then again, he'll be taping a week of shows at  Comic-Con next year for TBS. That's not bad, and it'll be the only time the Flaming C will be stealing the thunder from Marvel, DC and the Hunger Games.

Not The Top Ten Reasons Why David Letterman Is Retiring

This is not at the level of Johnny Carson suddenly announcing his retirement in 1992, but it's still big...
David Letterman is retiring. He's hosted the Late Show since August 1992, but actually has been part of our living rooms in the mornings in 1980, then late night since 1981.
This means no more Stupid Pet Tricks, no more weird Halloween, no more strange interruptions during the monologue, no more tossing stuff off of roofs, no more altered videos of top leaders...
and no more Top Ten Lists.

So, I'll come up with one, but I'll admit this is NOT the Top Ten Reasons Why Dave Letterman Is Retiring, just ten reasons I can dream up. I expect others, especially Letterman, to come up with a better list

First, though, the full announcement to his audience at the Ed Sullivan Theater (4/3/2014). We get some insight about why he made his decision: mainly he's been doing it for a long time, but a trip with his son convinced him it's time.



OK, now just ten reasons in general

10. He's joining the cast of CSI as a cadaver

9. He's discovered Julie Chen (Mrs. Moonves) is powered by a Dilithium crystal

8, He hopes to get better farewell gifts than Derek Jeter

7. CBS has found a younger and hip host: Geoff Peterson

6. After creating Worldwide Pants, he'll create a new company with Larry King...Galactic Suspenders

5. Let's face it: this is what he looks like to his viewers now:

4. He can now turn to Jay Leno and say, "I won!"

3. He interviewed Regis Philbin, but kept mistaking him for Bill O'Reilly

2. Every once in a while, he went to the wrong studio and anchored CBS This Morning.with Small Town News.

and not really the number one reason why David Letterman is retiring, but he did say it in his statement and the video earlier today...

1. Now he and Paul Shaffer can be married.

One thing's for sure, he'll be beating The Tonight Show several times up until the final episode, especially tonight.

UPDATE: sure enough, Jimmy Fallon has his Top Ten, and they were better than my list:




So, who's next?
NOT LENO!!!
Don't give it to him. Have Jay do an American version of Top Gear. That'll work.

Some have been speculating that Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert should get the job. However, they're the top two reasons why Comedy Central exist. I expect them to stay. If Stewart does decide to take over the Late Show, John Oliver should host The Daily Show. No other result is acceptable.
Some have suggested Chelsea Handler, since she has said she'll be leaving E! at the end of the year. She may be too edgy for 11:35, though, but she doesn't. There's word she'd like to have her own Late Show. However, there's word CBS wants her at 12:35 if Craig Ferguson wants Letterman's chair...or maybe if he doesn't.
Adam Carolla has said Ellen DeGeneres would be ideal for late night, and seeing a racier version of her would be great. Still, she's too popular in the afternoons.
How about Conan O'Brien? He belongs in New York, and and he can still go on the road the week before the NCAA Final Four. TBS is close to the Viacom empire, and it would make sense.
Or it could be someone else.
So, let's appreciate David Letterman while we still can, at least for the next year or so. Late-night TV will seem a little less ornery and ironic without Letterman around, Maybe the next time a nurse tries to interrupt his monologue, it'll be a real one this time.