Kung-FOOEY! Rifftrax Opens Year With Samurai Cop

If Rifftrax and Mystery Science Theater 3000 has taught us anything, it's that the world's supply of bad movies is more eternal than oil, natural gas or reality shows.

A prime example is Samurai Cop, where a San Diego cop who's an alleged samurai but is more like a Disneyland version of Tarzan battles an evil Japanese gang. He even makes time with a restaurant owner, and is pleased his hair's better than hers.

It's also the first live show for Rifftrax's new season. The riffs are almost exactly like the VOD version, but they edited it twice and actually made it a bit more bearable.
A murder scene that accidentally included a bare breast was taken out, along with a scene where Yamashita (Robert Z'Dar) tried to force a female cop to tell him where Samurai Cop lived. His method? Boiling oil from a frying pan.
These were wise moves because the original version has more sex and maybe a rape scene.  If only they edited out Matt Hatton, who is just terrible as the samurai cop.
But then that's the point.

As a live show, though, it was great, especially for those who never saw the VOD version. I did a couple of days before, and could tell where they changed the riffs. What really made the show enjoyable was the ending theme song that Kevin Murphy made. Fans should stay through the credits for that, and the massive number of people who wore their MST3K revival shirts. Some guy even brought his Tom Servo with the cop's hair.

OK, here's the riffs

Yamashita beheads a possible witness by sneaking into the hospital (and wait'll you see how)

Original:  OK, that guy's head was the first item in our scavenger hunt
Live:  Just get a rear view window, please

"What's an all-American girl like you doing with a geek like this?"
Original:  So racist
Live:  Head-cutting Yakusa bosses, geeks.

Here's a riff I missed the first time:
"I can read eyes"
but that's the only letter I know.

They also added riffs on New Kids on the Block, Road House, and United Airlines.

There was a  short before the main movie called Manners in School. It's about an Our Gang character who is upset with having to skip recess to clean the blackboards. He draws a stick-figure guy, who winds up setting the kid straight even at the threat of being erased.

By the way, they also showed the Netflix MST3K trailer to remind people a new era is coming. Kevin and Bill, though, didn't talk about their return as Bobo and Observer. It would have been great, though.

The next live show will be in June, where they'll look at several cheesy shorts. It will include the Mads along with Bridget Nelson and Mary Jo Pehl, and some secret guests. Maybe one of them will be wearing a jump suit.

Rifftrax Takes On Samurai Cop, or "When Jennifer Met Mumbles Ape"

A while ago, I reviewed Rifftrax's take on Death Promise, which I thought was the worst martial arts movie ever made.
Then I saw Samurai Cop. 
Clearly I was wrong, but I had no idea how really bad Robert Z'Dar is as Yamashita, a big bulky henchman to some Yakusa guys. I will give him credit for coming up with an interesting way to get rid of a witness by hiding in a hamper pushed by a Christina Hendricks impersonator. For the most part, he looks menacing and shoots anyone who doesn't kill the main hero

Definitely not better is Matt Hatton as Joe Marshall, a San Diego police officer allegedly trained in the martial arts in Japan. It's safe to say we don't see a lot of that skill.

We do see him try to battle Japanese gangsters and flirt well enough to be considered a ladies' man--but only by himself. He also has an African-American partner, which means they were hoping to get the Lethal Weapon crowd. Still, Joe can be described like this (thanks to Bill Corbett):  "He's like a Disney's Tarzan who was badly airbrushed on the side of a van  and came to life." Personally, I'd say he's got less personality than all of Johnny Longtorso's individual parts.

The movie, if you could call it that, is mainly chases, shootouts and confrontations that make no sense. The head Yakusa guy's Japanese accent isn't too convincing, either. At least there's a strange Costa Rican guy as comic relief.
The most far-fetched part is Joe wooing away Yakusa Guy's blonde girlfriend Jennifer. It results in a sex scene even more disturbing than Joe Don Baker trying to be sensual in Mitchell.
By the way, there was a lot of racy stuff cut out from this release, including a rape scene. That's a wise idea, especially for MST fans who know about what had to be cut out of Sidehackers.

The movie ends with the big battle between Yamashita and Joe, supposedly trying to kill each other with big swords, but it's mostly fists and weird faces. It's even worse than the Death Promise finale, including the dumb explanation for the final twist.
I got this because the Nerdist included this in a list of "8 WTF-Worthy Films" that includes Death Bed (about a bed that eats people), Gymkata (which is a common riff by MST3K), Greasy Strangler and Death Spa (not about a spa that eats people).

Now, on to the riffs:

Joe shows up with his partner
I show up to work with a Cher wig and a  baseball cap and you say nothing?

Fujiyama (the boss) yells at Yamashita, "If he's a samurai, who the Hell are you?"
A question that Z'Dar got a lot

A typical fight
I think they made these punching sound effects by slapping a leather couch with a wet ham

Peggy, one of the cops, tries to get another cop named Preacher to have sex with her. He declines
Ah, my wedding night (let's say this time Mike doesn't say it).

There's also riffs on Michael Bay, Comcast, Rock and Roll Nightmare, Safety Woman and The Bachelor.

Samurai Cop is available, along with slightly less inept martial arts movies, at rifftrax.com