The Six Eyes Enduring Sumaru

 

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is quite familiar with insane jerks out to take over the world, or at least our bank accounts (like the current version is doing).

Over the Labor Day weekend, Jonah and the bots endured Million Eyes of Sumaru. It's the first time the show repeated this number since 1988 in the KTMA days. That was brought up on the post-show, but more on that later. 
She was created by the same guy who invented Fu Manchu. While he wants the world even if he had to burn it down, she wants a world where women rule and men may or may not exist. We're not sure.

What's certain is that the show's winning streak in its 13th season is still intact, with another great set of riffs. It's just as good as Rifftrax revisiting some MST targets (like Brain That Wouldn't Die recently). 

Sumaru (supposedly) controls powerful men by having her slaves be their wives or mistresses, expecting them to practically own the men. One problem: a weird-looking President Boong isn't going along with this, and she decides to kill him. 

So who's going to challenge her? Sadly, it's a secret agent called .00000007 and his young sidekick who's only in the movie to con people into watching it. They're also known as George Nader and Frankie Avalon. 

It's basically the usual Eurotrash spy movie with the bad girls vowing to beat the good guys, terrible chase scenes, and an evil plan that never gets anywhere.

Sumaru captures Nader twice just to taunt him with her sure-fire "I will rule the world and make sure no one spray-paints me to death" plan. Nader's lousy quips that make dad jokes look like a John Mulaney set don't help. Mannequins generate more obscene thoughts than these two people. Then again, she wants sex without feeling and he's....able to deliver the "without feeling" part of it (look up his history on the Wiki). 
To be honest, this is her real goal

                                         
                                          

Oh, and Boong is played by Klaus Kinski, free of Werner Herzog's control....darn it.

At the Gizmoplex, Kabahl (Baron Vaughn) is trying to come up with more ways to boost the popularity of the show, like spinning off Waverly and Growler. Actually, not a bad idea, since Synthia's done that. It's also the first time he's actually touched Kinga and Max. So, he's not a hologram (maybe).
He's still a fake, because who'd believe MySpace would make a comeback?

As for the host segments, most were about the movie, especially this one where Jonah's more clueless than Nader. 

The episode ends with Kinga singing the praises of Sumaru, but also mentioning real bad girls like Cruella and Hela. Well, as long as she never sees The Girl From Rio...
Meanwhile, Jonah and Emily continue their mutiny plans in rhyme, and Joel is also on board. 

The post show was another winner with writers Felicia Day (finally), Tammy Golden, Devon Coleman and Tim Ryder. They revealed some more juicy tidbits. For one thing, there's not enough money in the world for Felicia to see Munchie again (or enough of something Loni Anderson has). Also, they cut the movies down to around an hour to establish 95 minutes including host segments. If you want the uncut version, it might be at Rifftrax depending on the movie. 
Oh, and the Kinga number actually had special effects. That was due to a space suit shortage. 
At least Devon described Sumaru perfectly: "if a middle school principal wrote Austin Powers."
Then again, Sumaru would be middle-school principal material. 
Oh, and they compared this movie to the KTMA version. It revealed how terrible the print was, how the riffs were improvised, how young Joel was, and how people were able to keep up with the time and temperature during the movie. 

OK, riff time, and in some spots we'll do all three versions:

Both MST and Rifftrax noted the slaves in waiting looked like auditions for Kill Bill

Sumaru celebrates killing people:  "May they rest in peace"

MST:  pieces
RT:  slowest slow clap ever.
88:  Jeannie C. Riley...The Harper Valley Death Squad

Sumaru's slaves kill a traitor who fell in love

MST:  Pentacostals don't baptize this aggressively
RT:  Baptize the Hell out of her

Avalon is at a restaurant while people dance.

MST:  Hey, I know Annette Funicello. Are you impressed?
RT:  Annette, stop doing the Twist and take the kill shot.

The scene where Avalon asks "I wonder if this is where I'm supposed to sing?"

MST:  He's riffing himself
88:  We'll make fun of the movie if you don't mind
RT:  For anyone under the age of 60, that was a meta joke

Sumaru whips Nader, because she doesn't feel loved and feared enough

MST:  If there are any kids watching, it's past all your bedtimes
RT:  Could I get the thigh strangling treatment instead?

And this picture, which is the movie in a nutshell (the girl on the wall is dead while Nader pretends to be straight AGAIN)...

There were also comments on Twiggy, Mulan, Build-a-Bear Workshop, Venture Brothers and GrubHub. 

The show's salute to spy movies will continue through September, including a tribute to Super Dragon on the 16th. It will end two weeks later with Shape of Things To Come, an alleged HG Wells adaptation. It includes some guy named Caball. 
No, not like that other Kabahl, but it may hint this thing might come to a head before Turkey Day.

Oh, and the show will have a Halloween contest, and entries can be sent to mst3k.com/halloween. 
For everything else, gizmoplex.com

MST3K: All Hail Cabal, Then Wonder About Robot Wars

 

This ain't your uncle's Mystery Science Theater 3000, because now the Mads have a boss.

His name is Cabal, who claims he's from the future and is paying Kinga and Max's bills.
He's probably a high-tech fraud, but at least he suggests they get a second host (which is where Emily Marsh comes in). Cabal is played by Baron Vaughn, who also voices Tom Servo. So, is Kabal the second coming of Kevin Murphy except with a aerodynamic hoodie? We shall see.

Aside from that, the second half of the "soft open" gets underway with a showing of Robot Wars. It's about a guy named Drake who operates a scorpion robot that shoots at tanks while carrying passengers. It takes place in 2041, so it's more depressing than, say, Warriors of the Lost World. 
Anyway, he flirts with a passenger who suspects something is hidden under a ghost town called Crystal Valley. It's supposed to be a relic of 1993 (when this movie was made). An Asian guy and a "journalist" get involved, and it's revealed a long-forgotten robot is buried under the town. It soon emerges, setting up the "Robot War" which barely lasts a couple of minutes. The terrible stop-action animation doesn't help either. 

The riffing, however, is a little better than the Santo vs. Dracula movie. The host segments were good, too. It featured Jonah in a dress (yikes), a tour of a 1990's theme park, and a Ted Talk about Drake's buddy Stumpy

Then Kinga and Max wonder how they can get a second host. Thanks to Synthia, they get a solution:

It looks like her first movie will happen in a few weeks.

So, let's get to the riffs:

Drake tries to charm Leda (the nosy passenger)
What's the opposite of a meet cute? Beat you?

Stumpy the sidekick:  What would John Wayne do?
Say something racist?

The buried robot emerges through a parking lot
So that's how Macy's Thanksgiving Parade Balloons are born

Then it's about to fight the Scorpion robot
I'm gonna walk down to Electric Avenue

To their credit, Jonah and the bots riffs through very long closing credits.
Best Boy, why isn't there a Best Girl?

There were also riffs on Scottsdale, Home Depot, Dukes of Hazzard, Joe Frazier, Hamilton and This Island Earth (the MST version). 

Afterwards, there was a pre-taped discussion about the Gizmoplex and why Joel decided on a "soft launch" first. He was joined by Matt McGinnis, Lesley Kinzel and Ivan Askwith. They made some great points about how backers got a chance to see them build the Plex while getting it ready for the grand opening on May 6th. Joel compared it to a basketball team getting some practice time before the season starts. They also wanted the fans to see the process and how that can be very interesting. So far, it's led to some valuable feedback that can be used once everyone else can get a chance to check out the Gizmoplex. 

They also say it's not like Netflix, and that's not the goal here. It's a place where people can be part of MST3K as a fan or backer, or just someone who wonders what they heck it is. They can go with subscriptions or just buy or rent an episode. It's also a chance for other MSTies to share their love for the show, and spread the word. As Joel says, it's kind of like buying a season ticket to live plays or a Best of Broadway series. He also admits he's not trying to compete with other sci-fi franchises like Star Trek, and he shouldn't. MST is all about mocking the genre, especially the low-tech attempts, and that makes it a unique part in our lives and America (AMEN!).

There was also some discussion on how the show changed over the years. It started as a nice way to spend two hours on the Comedy Central, to something really different on SyFy. That channel treated the show as a sci-fi series with plot and stuff, never mind the movie mocking. Now that the show is its own boss, it can be the best of all of its incarnations.

That makes sense. After all, Broadway shows have previews and out-of-town tryouts before Opening Night. This is the same thing.
It's already had an effect. The intermission for the second episode was much shorter compared to Santo, which was basically a long host segment.

Anyway, the next show will be Emily's first with Beyond Atlantis, made in the Philippines. That'll be on the 29th.
Oh, and look who came back...

MST3K Live In San Francisco: It's the Brain Game

Waiting 18 months for a new season of Mystery Science Theater 3000 is tedious, waiting almost that long to see Joel and Jonah up close and personal was tough, too.

Finally, I got to the Warfield for my first visit to San Francisco in five years. Lots have changed, and the sidewalk feces problem wasn't that bad. Actually, I was surprised the lower level was just chairs and the upper section all plush seats. Also, where else can you see this in the ceiling:

Dressed as Dr. Erhardt (remember him?), I was at the pre-show Q and A where people asked Joel about his favorite episode, and how mocking movies turned out to be a gold mine. I asked how he compared doing a tour than one-night stands from the Cinematic Titanic days.He said the MST shows are more complex, and it took a while to get it right. Jonah joined in and admitted he was a Fruity Pebbles fan.

The structure of the show was different, too, Without having Kinga and Max to mock Jonah, Crow and Servo from the Moon (something about meeting their price), Synthia  could do anything she wanted, and it made for an interesting show. They threw in some local jokes about traffic and the Mayor. They also had to "drive in" through something that was not Phil Coulson's Lola.

After Jonah had his invention, which was a stink cannon that fired flawless smoke rings:

Synthia turned the experiment into a game show. Maybe Kinga has no idea how the live show is coming along. Then again, she has her own game show for Jonah called
"Season 12: The Gauntlet" around Thanksgiving. I wouldn't be surprised if  Syn pushes Kinga out eventually, but shows she isn't an exact clone of Pearl.

.
Anyway, the movie was The Brain, which is about a brain that came from...somewhere...hoping to control all of mankind with the help of a guy who's not Phil Donahue. The only hope is some prankster who's somewhere between John Travolta and John Stamos, and relies on his girlfriend to do his homework. It doesn't help that there's lot of deaths, and Jim gets accused of all of them thanks to the Brain hypnotizing the town with little effort.  The full version is on YouTube, but the MST version doesn't include bare breasts and the more gory deaths.

As shown here, it starts with only Jonah and Joel riffing. Eventually, The gang was split between Team Red (Joel and Servo) and Team Yellow (Jonah and Crow) and they competed for points. For the record, Joel won, but it's likely the results differed depending on the venue. It's a great idea to vary the experiment, even if it's only for live shows. The point is, the public wants the best in vindictive movie commentary. This show delivered.

Here's a very good picture of the gang...

and the first official look at Dr. Donna St. Phibes (any takers she's a frantic frenemy of Kinga's back in Evil Scientist School?). Apparently her specialty is caring for B-movie monsters, like this one.

She was also a close friend of Jan in the Pan from "Brain That Wouldn't Die".

Dr. Donna was a big hit with the crowd, especially when she let the Brain  possess her so it could tell its side of the movie. Sadly, it didn't explain how it was born.
One thing's for sure, she looks like she's about to take the most evil free-throw.

As we said, the riffing style was done differently, probably after re-tooling the show throughout the tour. At one point, they had to riff sound effects. That's why the bots said "Bang" a lot when the cop tried to arrest Jim the Joker and his girlfriend Janet but kept aiming his gun at them while he handcuffed them. They also had to come up with names of perfumes Chanel and Calvin Klein would never make, like "Corridor" or "Tight Squeeze."

Some of the more interesting riffs...

A woman watches "Independent Thinking", the show the Brain uses for world conquest
Oh, they cast the new Roseanne

Jim arrives to school in his car
Why is the new kid driving Christine?

Some creepy male nurse named Varna shows up
Rowsdower?

The teens are chased by everyone at the complex where the Brain is, and leave via a very small door.
Narnia was crazy this time.

Jim has to come back to save Janet (of course) and they're still trying to avoid the Brain
The ultimate relationship test:  Ikea.

There are also riffs on Billy Idol, SNL, Molly Ringwald, SCTV and Soylent Green. There is also one late riff that wraps up the movie perfectly.

Finally, the full cast...

It's a pity the live shows aren't taped. It was great seeing the past and the present get together to keep the MST3K saga going. Hopefully, Netflix will fork over more bucks for future live shows, and maybe Kinga and Max will come in person to take over the live show...or maybe it takes THEM over?

Until then, fans will see if showing Jonah and his bots six lousy movies in a row will drive them nuts..or drive Kinga and Max nuts because they don't get the results they expect.
We'll find out November 22nd on Netflix.
By the way, it's the same day Kurt Russell is Santa Claus in another Netflix show. He can wait, but see that guy, too.