Choose Your Rifftrax Holiday Double Feature

Rifftrax is wrapping up an very eventful year with its first holiday double feature with Santa Claus Conquers The Martians 3.0 and the 2009 Shorts-Stravaganza from San Diego. However, true fans of MST, Cinematic Titanic and Rifftrax can make their own double-headers. Others may mix Rifftrax holiday shows with other holiday DVDs for a truly different experience,

In this case, let's stick to riffed holiday movies.

MST3K:  Santa Claus Conquers The Martians and Santa Claus

This is an obvious choice but for some reason one movie is tougher to get than another, Santa Claus, a holiday movie made in Mexico, is part of Volume XVI (the one with the free Tom Servo). However, Shout Factory has not re-issued SCCTM, which was only in the two DVD set MST3K:  The Essentials (the other episode being Manos). It can be found via Amazon or eBay, but it would make sense this classic episode be available again. At the very least, it should be on streaming video.

Both shows do feature new holiday standards, "A Patrick Swayze Christmas" and "Merry Christmas, If That's OK". Actually, they're quite different. The first one was a typical MST episode compete with holiday Invention Exchanges. The other one, though, is basically a spoof of "The Gift of the Magi" but it ends with a big showdown between Santa and Pitch, the demon who tries to ruin Santa's holiday. At least the crew exchange presents, including Gypsy's famous "Joike" sweater.

Cinematic Titanic:  Santa Claus Conquers The Martians and Rifftrax:  I Believe in Santa Claus

Before Rifftrax riffed SCCTM in a live show two years ago, Joel Hodgson and his Cinematic Titanic crew was the only group that had a post-MST3K riffed version of the movie. It was released in November 2008, and is available at eBay and Amazon. I reviewed the DVD, and noticed they updated the riffs a little. The best part, though, was before the movie, when Trace tried to run away and the mysterious staff who's trapped the crew had to drag him back.

The second feature was issued last year, and is probably one of the strangest holiday movies. A kid in France may spend Christmas alone because his parents have been kidnapped by an African warlord. He writes to Santa, hoping he'd get the parents back. Through a ridiculous series of events, the kid gets to meet Santa and a fairy queen who's a whimsical version of Safety Woman. It's pretty bizarre.

The  other suggestions are all Rifftrax videos.

Nestor The Long-Eared Donkey, Bridget and Mary Jo's Christmas and Magic Christmas Tree

This is a triple-header only because they're all much shorter than usual movies. The first is a Rankin-Bass feature that's a little darker than its most famous creations including Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Nestor is clearly a knockoff on Rudolph, since he's mocked because of his really long ears. They do come in handy when he helps Mary and Joseph get to Jerusalem for the birth of Jesus. Instead of Burl Ives narrating, they had Roger Miller as the descendant of Nestor. It's a cute story, if you forget that at one point he and his mom are forced out into the snow, and she sacrifices herself to save her son. At least in Frosty the Snowman, he melts in a greenhouse but a cold wind brings him back.

The second feature was made last year by the Real Housewives of Rifftrax, Bridget Nelson and Mary Jo Pehl. This duo is coming close to out-shining the main Rifftrax crew thanks to several shorts, Catwomen of the Moon, and Gravity. The 30-minute special has a heavily edited version of A Christmas Carol (which doesn't include "Bah, Humbug"), a car ad Mary Jo really likes, footage of Dean Martin, and a short about a sheep that keeps Jesus warm on the night of the Nativity.

The third feature looks like a sitcom. A little boy saves the cat of a spooky old lady, and he gets a magic ring and a special seed that produces a Magic Christmas Tree that talks. It also gives him three wishes, including the power to kidnap Santa. Somehow it leads to him being kidnapped by a big giant. They're at the Rifftrax website.

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (both versions)

It's possible to see both versions in less than two hours. The riffing of Santa Claus being stuck in Florida because his reindeer ran away or something is the same in both versions. Those who prefer the more recent version last year may go that way, but others may look at the original with Thumbelina then see the live show with Jack and the Beanstalk (which has much better songs).

Santa's House of Madness and Santa Claus (2014)

The first feature is actually three shorts with the exact same opening credits that have weird-looking animals and Santa Claus. There's outtakes from Santa Claus, plus footage from two Santa's Villages in California and Indiana. The third short is mainly Santa "threatened" by an ogre, and it ends with a song that would have killed it.

The live riff of Santa Claus is actually the uncut version with Spanish opening titles, and it shows why MST3K decided to cut a lot of it out. When we see a shirtless blacksmith and Merlin taking too much time making sleeping powders and the Flower to Disappear, it's best to move past those scenes. However, the riffs they come up with are incredible, especially one where Santa flies with his wind-up reindeer.

If you can come up with other combinations, feel free, but this will be a start. Just make riffed holiday movies part of your holiday season.

MST3K, The Home Game: How It Changed The World

Satellite News, the go-to website for fans of MST3K, recently had a post about an upcoming conference that will discuss the cultural impact of the TV show.
That's right: a bunch of scholars will talk about how some guy and two robots mocking movies changed the world as we know it.

It's run by the Southwest/American Popular Culture and American Culture Association, and will take place next February in Albuquerque, New Mexico. The official title is "Mystery Science Theater and the Culture of Riffing", although it will take up other topics, too. The guy in charge is Rob Weiner of the Texas Tech University Library. He compiled a book of essays called In the Peanut Gallery with Mystery Science Theater 3000: Essays on Film, Fandom, Technology and the Culture of Riffing.
And people thought earning a degree on studying Buffy the Vampire Slayer was unusual.

One of the proposed subjects in this conference is "MST3K, the Home Game". This aired twice on SyFy (when it was the Sci-Fi Channel) on January 25th 1997. Roger Corman's "The Day The World Ended" was shown, and people could send in their riffs through IRC's, or Internet Relay Chat rooms, that the network set up. They even had a commercial to show how it worked:



Those who circulated the tapes, or were smart to tape it when it aired (like me), have copies of both versions. It was available on YouTube, but not any more. People interacted with the movie by pretending to be Mike, Servo or Crow, then got to read their riffs on TV. It was quite a treat for those who were probably adding their own riffs while watching MST3K, or any bad movie.
For the most part, the riffs in the "home game" came about ten seconds after the action. If they syched up better with the movie, it would have been funnier. Then again, this was 1997 technology, a long way from Twitter. The fact that SyFy did this at all was still a big deal. It mixed TV watching with internet chat rooms. That's not too far off from watching Conan or Breaking Bad with your TV and iPad for a "second screen experience".
Nowadays, we tweet while watching TV, and some of those tweets are shown on TV, even during news shows on CNN or MSNBC. You can easily say "MST3K: The Home Game" made this possible.

The special also had features on a new set, and new episodes that were about to premiere a week later. The home game was only a taste of the new era to come. It may have also convinced some people that they could make their own versions of MST3K, if they only had a couple of robots or stuffed toys. Somehow, this led to iRiffs, Josh Way and Incognito Cinema Warriors XP. That, of course, is a good thing. Someone has to maintain the new tradition of severe movie criticism, usually as you're watching the movie. Again, "MST3K: The Home Game" made this possible.

SyFy's decision to have the home game was a sign that they wanted to have MST3K on its lineup after Comedy Central let it go because it had South Park, and didn't need funny bots anymore. It's too bad they didn't try it again as the technology improved. Maybe they could have had viewers riff on all of This Island Earth.

The conference is expected to discuss other MST3K subjects like comparing Mike and Joel (which nearly broke the internet around the Holidays 20 years ago), who was the best evil sidekick, and how riffing can be connected to Frank Zappa ("is that a Sears Poncho?"), Shakespeare and Monty Python. There's even a proposal to see how riffing affects spy movies, Christmas movies (maybe including Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny and that annoying Talking Christmas Tree), Hercules movies, and just movies that were forgotten for good reason. Despite all these subjects, a panel on MST3K: The Home Game should be on the agenda. It gave viewers a chance to mock a bad movie, see their comments on TV, and decide they can make their own version for mass consumption or something cool to download on YouTube.
And, in a way, it would also lead to seeing viewers' comments being shown on certain TV shows, thanks to today's social media.
Too bad we can't have a new version of MST3K: The Home Game today...with the target being Sharknado. Then again, we still have Rifftrax.

Rifftrax Live: Best Big Bug Hunt Ever

I was a huge fan of MST3K. It is an honor - I hope I still feel that way after!
--Casper Van Dien in an interview from Miami New Times. 

We were all hoping that nearly 265 thousand dollars to Kickstarter would be enough for Rifftrax to achieve its ultimate triumph: riffing Twilight within an inch of its after-life

Instead, we wound up with Starship Troopers, the cheesiest outer space war film ever. Where else will you see Neil Patrick Harris packing heat, Gary Busey's son as a six-foot golf tee with a big gun, Casper Van Dien as a leader of men, or Denise Richards showing less than one percent more credibility as a fighter pilot than as a nuclear scientist in The World Is Not Enough?

Recounting the plot isn't important, but the fact the Riffers Three--Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy--packed in two hours of snide remarks for fans in Nashville, and thousands more in theaters in North America. Getting a A-level science fiction movie to riff for a live show was a milestone for the series. Although some still wish that sparkly vampires and hunky werewolves were the target rather than jingoism and killing big bugs with way too many bullets, this was still a big success. 

They wanted to somehow keep the show at PG-13 despite that infamous shower scene full of male and female flesh. So, Kevin chose that time to bring in Gorilla Grams to keep the cameras off the R-rated screen. He did this again when Van Dien had his love scene with Dina Meyer (yes, from Birds of Prey and the Saw series), but we still got a quick peek at her chest. This was a real buzzkill that reminded some of that pesky flying blimp that covered up the best parts of Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks (namely topless babes), as done by Cinematic Titanic.
On the other hand, this may make the mp3 riff of the movie more popular, since it's bound to include play-by-play of the shower scene. 

Let's get to some examples:

The logo of the "Federal Network" is shown
PBS finally got too much power

Dizzy (Dina) meets Zander (Patrick Muldoon) at a high school prom, before they fight the bugs
Hi, I'm discount Rob Lowe

Rico makes a big mistake at training that kills a soldier, and is sentenced to ten lashes
Gymnastics got dark in the future

Rico rides a very big tanker bug, and some icky orange stuff oozes out
Partially digested Chester Cheetah

The soldiers retreat after the bugs surround them
David Cronenberg presents A Bug's Life

and this classic line, given by Lt. Pasczak (Michael Ironside), when he appoints Rico Corporal:
"I need a corporal. You're it, until you're dead or I find someone better."

Mike calls this line his wedding vows, and Jay Leno's motto.

They also packed in riffs on Weekend at Bernie's, Beverly Hills 90210, Raid, voting in Chicago, Grown-Ups II, Transformers III, Arena Football, Charlie Sheen, Johnny Depp, Doctor Who, AT&T cell phone service, Kafka, Cougar Town, the TSA, Robert Byrd, Ted Nugent, Ricky Gervais, and political debate shows like "Ugly Guy and Old Broad". 
Some may have noticed that Dean Norris was also in this movie. Naturally, they included riffs on his two shows, Breaking Bad and Under the Dome. 

At least Meyer isn't mad. From her Twitter (@DinaMeyer): 
      

Thanks for the gorillagrams! @rifftrax #hilarious #starshiptroopers http://instagram.com/p/dD9jwlD4Nl/

It's too bad this will never be available for digital download, but watching the DVD while hearing the mp3 Rifftrax will be more than worth it, especially for the shower scene. Some did complain they couldn't see the movie because of work or other reasons, and were hoping to get that digital version. That's why announcing that it'll be shown again September 12th was a good idea. It gives people a second chance, while others will want to see this again. 

Afterwards, Rifftrax will riff on the original Night of the Living Dead on October 24th. A DVD of the black and white version is already available, but the preview shows a clip that is colorized. Rifftrax did tweet me back that they'll show a better black and white print, not colorized. Of course, they'll have to deal with a brief shot of a naked female zombie. Hope they still have the phone number for Gorilla Grams. 

One more thing: the pre-show slides were funny as usual. They're much better than the "First Look" infomercials that run before the movie.  Who else would have this anagram...REFTA TRAHE...and rearrange it to spell out "Hollywood Nepotism"? You also learn Troop Beverly Hills could be renamed Starship Troopers if you replaced Shelley Long with a bunch of spaceships (or maybe have Craig T. Nelson fill Michael Ironside's role). They also got in a few digs on Man of Steel, Game of Thrones, how Breaking Bad will end, Marvel's Agents of SHIELD, and the fact that movies that make more cash overseas than in the US are more important these days. It also proposed combining rock and roll with zombies and create...World War ZZ Top. 
And no one thought of this sooner?

Rifftrax Exterminates Doctor Who and the Daleks

The following takes place more or less after "Nightmare in Silver":

The Doctor stretched out inside the control room of the TARDIS. He thought back of his tangle with the Cybermen, and how he turned into Mr. Clever.
"I was definitely more interesting than Locutus of Borg", he said to himself, "but I'd rather be boring and save people.
"Oooooooooohh, I need a break from all this. I should take in a movie," the Doctor said. "But which movie?"

Suddenly, the TARDIS whooshed and whomped. It seemed to know where the Doctor had to be.....

It landed on a man-made asteroid called Netbox. It's billed as the biggest movie multiplex in the universe, where creatures can literally see any movie that's made anywhere.
The Doctor met one of the employees, a guy named Odeon Loews. He was literally born in a tuxedo, with his name embroidered on the front....at birth.

"Well, Odeon", the Doctor said, "what movies can you recommend?"

"Well, I don't know," Odeon said, "you probably saw the blockbusters we get from Earth by breaking every law of physics in the book. However, we do have a section where we show specialty movies."

"Is that so?", the Doctor wondered. "Do you have that Shakespeare movie made at some director's house? I have heard a lot of good things about it."

"No, that's still out in some film festival a couple of light years away. It'll be at Netbox next month. Actually, I do have a movie from what I call 'the Rifftrax series'"

"Rifftrax? Isn't that bad movies with justifiable commentary? They'll take on anybody, even Star Wars..or The Avengers. Understandable, considering who they used to be. I hear they're trying to riff on Twilight as part of their live shows."

"That's right," Odeon said. "but they couldn't pull it off. They'll take on Starship Troopers, which I say is more deserving of heckling because this movie is so cheesy it's asking for it."
"Well, I'll look forward to it. Let's see what Rifftrax movies you have."

The Doctor looked at the list of Rifftrax movies carefully. He saw titles that just scream "cheesy movies": Kingdom of the Spiders, The Apple, Voodoo Man, The Guy From Harlem, Doctor Who and the Daleks, Nightmare at Noon, Psycho II....
"DOCTOR WHO AND THE DALEKS???", the Doctor roared.

Odeon was worried. He didn't like unsatisfied movie patrons. He still hadn't recovered from the Lindsay Lohan Film Festival.

"My apologies, Doctor," Odeon said. "I didn't..."

"On the contrary, I am surprised they took this long to target this movie. I know it well. Any resemblance between me and this movie's version of me is accidental at best. Peter Cushing was OK as me, but he acted too much like my original form. I liked him better when he was in cheesy but scary Hammer horror movies."

"Oh, that's a relief. How did they get away with making a movie about you? It's like trying to make a movie about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and forget to include Joss Whedon. I know someone tried."

"In 1965, I didn't talk too much about myself," the Doctor explained. "I didn't admit I was a Time Lord, or where I was from. So, they could make a movie about me, say I'm from Earth, and claim my last name is Who. They can also make my granddaughter Susan nine years old and a bit of a smart-aleck. I don't think it was a good idea giving me a granddaughter named Barbara who has a klutzy boyfriend named Ian. To me, Ian and Barbara are two very different people who would have made an more interesting movie.
"Then again, a lot of people wanted to see a movie that's almost about me, battling full-color Daleks on the big screen. A better story would have helped. That's why I want to see this movie riffed."

"Well, I'll just get that movie," Odeon said, "and we can see it attacked while sipping on Shush-O's and snacking on Smarties."

"Great idea," the Doctor said. "I need to relax."

So, Odeon and the Doctor saw what you'd get if you made a Doctor Who movie if the BBC wasn't involved.

The movie is actually a different version of the first Daleks story that aired on the show in late 1963. In it, the Doctor is involved in a battle between the Daleks, who are evil beings out to destroy and exterminate, and the Thals, who prefer to be peaceful.
Also, the reason the Doctor couldn't get the real Susan, Ian and Barbara back to Earth is that the Doctor had a tough time trying to get to where he wanted to go. That was especially true when the show began.
In this movie, the Daleks are ruthless, but the producers just couldn't let the Daleks use ray guns or flame throwers. That's why you see one Thal get killed by a deadly fire extinguisher. They also spend too much time standing around, especially one Dalek named Carl. At least, that's according to the Rifftrax crew. The Thals, meanwhile, look like a race of exotic Graham Chapmans with too much eyeliner.

As we begin we see Susan, the Buffy from Family Affair of the group, reading a book on physics. Barbara, the other granddaughter and a Lulu knockoff, reads a book on science. Doctor Who, which is his name because he's British in this movie, reads the comics. Actually, that's close to the Doc we have now. Ian, Barbara's boyfriend, stumbles into the movie literally as the comic relief. The Doctor eventually shows everyone TARDIS, which is the famous time machine disguised as a police box, bigger inside, etc. At least Susan gives some explanation of why it's bigger inside than outside (a better one comes in Robots of Death), but not about why the interior looks like the basement of Hewlett-Packard.
Thanks to Ian kissing Barbara and pushing the wrong lever, the group is sent to Skaro, where they are in the middle of the battle between the Daleks and Thals. Getting into the plot, such as it is, isn't the point. It's how Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy respond to it.

Right off the bat, Mike says "Regal Films" makes films about Queen and Queen-related things. Kevin is disappointed this movie has nothing to do with Freddie Mercury. Bill is even more shocked that the movie has nothing to do with the BBC Doctor Who. After being sedated, the movie begins.

We see Barbara and her science book...

Kevin: She can Jon my Pertwee anytime

Fake Ian Chesterton stumbles in

Bill: British Dick Van Dyke
Kevin: Oh, so he'll do an indescribably bad Brookyln acccent

TARDIS takes off, but without the familiar sound of it launching

Bill: Where's the noise like an old Edsel dying?

About ten minutes in, Bill and Mike act like two kinds of Doctor Who fans:

Bill as the post-2005 fan: He's not an alien, he's not young and dashing, he doesn't have a weird psycho-sexual yearning for his super-hot companion. I mean, what is Doctor Who all about if not that?

Mike as the old-school Who fan: It's about slow, silent group trudges through sound stages.

Then the Daleks show up, and we get the perfect riff:

Mike in Dalek voice: Welcome to the Island of Misfit Sex Toys.

You can also expect riffs about The Wire, Craig Ferguson, Kate Upton, Cirque Du Soleil, Millard Fillmore, TMZ, Legend of Zelda, the previous forms of the real Doctor, and Kevin complaining about a scene showing "a couple of stupid robots sitting in front of a dumb movie".
Just think about that riff.

Here's the link to the movie sample from Rifftrax. This may be the ultimate crossover of one famous sci-fi show heckling a movie sort of based on another famous sci-fi show. It makes me wish for the day Buffy the Vampire Slayer joins the Rifftrax crew to mock that  movie that also isn't about her.
At least in that case, the movie came before she got the job.

Manos, in the Hands of Rifftrax

When Mystery Science Theater 3000 unearthed the cinematic blasphemy that is Manos the Hands of Fate 20 years ago next week (January 30), no one realized how society would be changed, infected or just stunned by the existence of this movie. Torgo, a strange creature, would be a folk hero. The term "Master" would take on a new meaning that would never be considered by Doctor Who fans. What's worse, someone would make a short documentary about the making of this, uh, "movie" which turned out to less than accurate, another would restore an old print, and a crew would work on making a sequel, which somehow involves the little girl, Debbie.

What could be next?
How about riffing the movie again?
That's what the Rifftrax trio of Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett did last summer in Nashville. It was recently shown again through Fathom Events as part of the Best of Rifftrax Live series. 
This isn't unusual. Rifftrax re-riffed a short about juvenile delinquency, while Cinematic Titanic took on Santa Claus Conquers the Martians again. So, why not take on Manos again?
OK, trick question. After all, it makes subsequent "movies" like Hobgoblins and Werewolf look like Pan's Labyrinth. It's still the only movie Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank regretted.
Still, Mike and the boys went all the way with this production. They even revived the skit from the original MST edition where Torgo delivered pizzas, but this time the Master was there, too. It was part of an effort to publicize the sequel, and a nice touch.

Rifftrax expressed how painful it was to revisit this movie, from the muddy cinematography to the dubbed voices, bad editing, bad acting and just the creepiness of it all. It's a bit darker than how Joel Hodgson took on this movie in 1993. Let's compare:

The family gets pulled over by a highway patrolman...

MST: Sorry, but you're not filming Manos the Hands of Fate in our town
Rifftrax: We're arresting the movie so soon?

They go to the road to the Valley Lodge, while we hear singing

MST:  Honey, please, not while I'm driving. OK. What about the Valley Lodge?
Rifftrax: Dionne Warwicke is drunk again

Of course, there's that couple who parks, makes out and drinks all through the movie, despite the highway patrolman interrupting. The couple's compared to a "typical job interview in Texas" and a white trash version of Edward and Bella (a classic bit, trust me, and another reason why Buffy beats Twilight...FOREVER!)

Torgo makes his move on Margaret, mentioning how the Master wants her as his wife

MST: (as Torgo) Look, lady, I got the moves of a wallaby
Rifftrax: Your husband's a corpse, and he likes you.

The Master's wives fight each other over whether they should kill the little girl

MST: Next on ESPN, Full-Contact Nightgown Wrestling
Rifftrax: It's compared to what happens in a book club when someone admits to not liking 50 Shades of Grey.

The Master confronts Torgo, who takes an hour to stand up

MST: Do something! God!
Rifftrax: Torgo, don't get up

They both see the wives fighting.

MST (Torgo to the Master) When are you going to kill me, boss?
Rifftrax: $10 on Wife #4

Torgo gets his hand burned off before he runs away.

MST: The Jamaican wings are ready, or "Charred Finger"
Rifftrax: ...and that's how a McRib is made

We also get jokes on The View, Thelma and Louise, The Wire, Texas in general (not just Fort Worth), Nick Nolte, Taken and Aerosmith. On top of that, they end the picture before the long closing credits. This is "quitting while you're ahead."

For some reason, they also portray little Debbie rather tipsy after she lays down in the couch at the lodge. It would have made more sense if the wives were drunk.
The best thing, though, is that the Rifftrax crew took on ALL of the movie. The MST version cut out several things, including the Master slapping his first wife severely, even drawing blood. You could also see and hear the movie better, which doesn't help actually.

Seeing Manos on the big screen was quite the experience, helped out by the commentary of the Rifftrax crew. Hopefully this, and the Plan 9 From Outer Space showing on January 31, will be available on DVD soon.

Learn more at www.rifftrax.com

My Space Classics: Reviewing Incognito Cinema Warriors' 2nd DVD

Somewhere in the internet, I had a blog in MySpace. It's still barely active, thanks to my tweets and Facebook posts. It's about time I featured the best of that old blog, including some pre-Whedonopolis stuff. Enjoy!

From August 28, 2008:

When a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 decided to make his own version of the show, and promote it on the internet, he wasn't sure if anyone would buy it. After all, there have been some attempts to recreate the magic that is MST3K, but could someone actually succeed?
Well, Rikk Wolf, zombie hunter, has his answer...

These guys are good--fast-paced, funny riffing throughout. Now, fellahs, would you please stop making my job look easy!--Mike Nelson

This is not to say that Incognito Cinema Warriors has become the official heir apparent to the MST3K tradition. After all, Mike is still going strong with Rifftrax, while Joel Hodgson and his minions from MST3K have their own growing franchise in Cinematic Titanic. All that Rikk has proved is that he's the only "civilian" who is worthy.

AMEN!!!!!

So, with that in mind, let's celebrate the return of ICW (and about $@*^%! time) with Rikk's riffs on the racy and scary Italian horror film, Lady Frankenstein. For those who missed the first DVD, the idea is that Rikk is a zombie hunting soldier who's trapped in an abandoned movie house while swarms of zombies surround the place. Rikk is joined by TopsyBot 5000, which serves popcorn, and Johnny Cylon, who will deny to the death that Twiki from Buck Rogers is his grandfather. The two bots work at the theater for Dr. Harrison Blackwood, who presents movies so bad he takes precuations to keep customers from leaving. In this case, he forces Rikk and the bots to see his bad movies, or they'll be zombie chow.

Since the first DVD, Bride of the Gorilla, Rikk and his friends have cleaned up the joint, although they think they're mascots from cleaner commericals. Then, a dumpy looking non-zombie named Darrell enters the theater, looking for a place to crash. Rikk agrees, because he has his own problems, namely the next movie.
Just like before, he gets a trailer of "coming attractions", usually the next movie to be riffed. However, they've changed the seating arrangement to avoid from being too-MST-like. Rikk, TopsyBot and Cylon now sit in a balcony.

As Lady Frankenstein starts, one of the bots asks, "are we going to see a guy with bolts in his neck make us an offer we can't refuse?" Not really, but they do see once-prominent actor Joseph Cotton as Baron Frankenstein, a grave-robbing mad scientist who's trying to bring the dead back to life. His daughter, Tania, has just come back from medical school ("C'mere, you little mother's lie'). Since she's a surgeon, she wants to help in the experiments, although he's not too sure. ("Crimes against nature is boys' stuff') The Baron's assistant, Dr. Charles Marshall, doesn't mind.
After the town hangs a guy who looks like Patrick Swayze, the Baron works on using his parts to bring another man back to life. Against all odds, and despite a slightly damaged brain, he succeeds. The result looks creepier than tha cheesiest alien ("Jesus, look at the huge Martian coconut"). Not only that, the creature squeezes the Baron to death, much to the dismay of Tania.
Back in the theater, Darrell is so bad as a roommate, Rikk would prefer the Creature. Let's not talk about hygiene habits.

OK, so what about the dead mad scientist? Tania vows to carry on her father's work, with sexy results. The Creature, meanwhile, is out and about ("My creator has a first name, it's F-R-A-N-K....E-N..."), and sees two people having sex, one more naked than the other. The movie plays spoilsport, and blocks out the nudity in this and other scenes. It's quite a contrast to the start of "City Limits" on MST3K, where Joel used an umbrella to block out the brief nudity in the credits. Anyway, the creature grabs the nude woman, shakes her to death, and dumps her in the river. ("Smile, you're on Candid Camera, snuff film edition"). The undead prude does the same to one of the Baron's grave-robbing friends. This has attracted the attention of Captain Harris, played by Mickey Hargitay, the former Mr. Jayne Mansfield. He usually acts smug, suspecting people of doing blasphemous things.
Well, this movie certainly shows them, but not completely. Later in the film, Tania has married Charles, but wants to put his brain into a sexier body...Thomas, a simple-minded servant. To do that, we see something even worse than Ben Stiller was accused of doing when he made Tropic Thunder: she seduces Thomas while Charles watches, and Charles smothers Thomas with a pillow. This inspires an incredible riff from Rikk that I'd rather not repeat. You just have to hear it for yourself. They do make snide remarks about the cinematography ("Did someone release mustard gas?"), and speculate about Thomas' last words ("It was still worth it").

So, while Tania is Making Mr. Right (in more ways than one), the creature is still killing people if they're not having sex, while the townsfolk carry torches, looking to burn someone they don't like. We do get the ending where the mad scientist is punished for tampering in Hugh Hefner's, I mean God's, domain, but again it's with sexy results.

Even Rikk and his pals would agree that Lady Frankenstein is a movie with so much sex and violence (especially sex), MST wouldn't touch it, but ICWXP would. They're hard-core heavy metal, ECW in its original form, the grindhouse version of MST3000, and I salute them for that. This DVD is recommended for MST fans 17 and older.

As for the future, we'll get another Eurotrashy horror movie with Hargitay, and eventually The Hideous Sun Demon. We're also supposed to get a new character on the show. Let's just hope that episode three comes a lot sooner than episode two.

ICWXP: It May Not Be So Bad, But The Movies Still Are

After struggles over funding and just getting new equipment to keep the band going, the latest edition of Incognito Cinema Warriors XP was released a couple of days ago. In "The Gear Is Family", we learn a lot about the past, are surprised that there's actually some normal life during the Zombiepocalypse, witness the next stage of advanced interrogation, and see how a chocolate city creates candy, happiness and stuff.

Before we get to the details, I got a free CORPS patch because I pre-ordered the DVD way in advance. A year or so before, I had another CORPS patch that looked a little different.

I'd say that's a reminder of how long these guys have been hard a work keeping the MST3K tradition alive. After all, it's guys like these that have made severe movie criticism one of America's fastest-growing industries..and defense mechanisms. Just think of what Mike Nelson and his Rifftrax minions are gonna to do Breaking Dawn 2 (especially after seeing--when Kristen Stewart is on late night TV--a recent clip of Vampire Bella trying to remember how to act human with the help of the other vamps!).
Next April...ICWXP is five years old, just a little younger than Cinematic Titanic.

This new chapter starts with Dr. Blackwood, aka Baron Sexenstein, talking to his new invention: the Spybot that saved Rick from the Zombie Spock in the last episode. Oh, and Rikk Wolf is Blackwood in this episode. In the audio commentary, he talked about how expensive it was to look like that, especially the wig. Anyway, we see that the doc had his own list of investion exchanges from that other show, such as an edible power tie, a mobile phone made from a pineapple, and a Santa Claus Dreidel (which really exists!) He winds up selling his Spybot to Ludivico, which doesn't end well. We also get clips from the past of the show, including the first movie. When the doc is taken away by Ludivico, they don't find the Spybot. It has to go to sleep for five years, then wakes up to a new world. It's knocked out after saving Rick, but then wakes up to see Flux repairing it. He, too, was made by Blackwood. That's why Flux tells "sis", they're running away from home. Don't worry, they don't.

From seeing what happened "40 minutes earlier", you don't blame him. Flux is in drunken dispair over what Michael Bay did to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle reboot (but that was delayed before this episode was made). TopsyBot and Johnny Cylon are annoying Ludivico minion Spencer Birkin with readings of two Twilight books at the same time (the fiends!). He spends the whole episode tied up, but he's still rather funny. He also reveals part of Kansas City is zombie-free, thanks to Ludivico.

Then it's mov...oh, lousy shorts sign. Rick, TopsyBot and Cylon are mugged by creepy snack bar ads that used to be part of every drive-in, plus a strange music interlude ("Serenade for Ken Burns") that made the gang suspect the KGB was deprogramming them.
Cylon is so glad afterwards that he thanks Robot Jesus. Then we get 20 minutes of how Hershey's the "Great American Chocolate Factory" ("Is this the Tim Burton version or the good one?"). We get riffs on Kirstie Alley, Chicago (the band), Mennonites, water parks in general, Toyota and Glee, and get the immortal words "Our mom says our dad is a real conch machine".

Back at the snack bar, Rick manages to surf the web, but doesn't want to go to YouTube, which he calls the bathroom wall of the net. The bots disagree, because they uploaded a video that has a didgeridoo and limericks, while Spencer has one on lab safety. However, they don't get as much hits as some guy lighting his farts...or a remix!

So, we have what seems to be a family at Cine-a-Sorrow: Rick the Dad, Flux, Fluxette the SpyBot, TopsyBot and Cylon as the wise-cracking kids, and Birkin as the wacky neighbor, er, hostage. This gives Cylon an idea.

If you get this DVD, see the main feature first, then again with audio commentary from Rikk and Nick Evans (TopsyBot) which is really enlightening. We find out that some MST fans weren't too happy about ICWXP at first, and what Rikk really thinks about YouTube. They even said the next episode, "YouTube Is For Haters" was supposed to be this episode. We also find out there's a chance this show may wind up on regular TV, although it may not look the same. They even discuss CGI and Avatar, too.

We also find out the gang promoted their show at the Zombie Walk For Hunger in Kansas City, and an anime convention in Overland Park, near Kansas City. They include riffs, of course. If you're a fan of Pauley Perrette, you've been warned.

The DVD also includes a bonus short about etiquette from Josh Way's Fun With Shorts, and a link to a future webisode where they give a "fair" review of the latest Resident Evil movie. The preview, though, may tip off their opinion about the movie. It's not ready yet, but it's coming soon.

You can get the latest ICWXP DVD, and lots of other stuff, by clicking here. You really should. This is fine humor that defied the odds to exist at all. Just ask Kickstarter.   

Cinematic Titanic Gets Snakebit With "Rattlers"

It's been six months since Cinematic Titanic has released a new DVD of their live show, but the new one is another winner. This time, the crew takes on Rattlers, a story of a herpetologist battling psychotic rattlesnakes. The usual gang is here: Joel Hodgson, Trace Beauliew, J. Elvis Weinstein, Mary Jo Pehl and TV's Frank Coniff
You may notice the movie doesn't have credits aside from the title for the movie, Considering the fact the hero gets out-acted by the rattlesnakes and the rocks in the desert, that kind of makes sense. The movie and the riffing is a bit sluggish but, just like The Dark Knight Rises, it picks up in the final 15 minutes (as if the producers realize they have to end the movie because they have 15 minutes of film left).

Anyway, it starts with two boys wandering in the desert, looking for a "real live skeleton", and they jabber like crazy (Frank: "Jodie Foster was so cute when she was a little boy"). Instead of a skeleton, they find agressive rattlesnakes that bite them a jillion times.

Enter Tom Parkinson, herpetologist, and not unlike a "David Hartman action figure". Still, he's good at what he does. He even saves a fellow teacher from an escaped cobra with several waves of his hand. Tom soon heads to the Middle of Nowhere Sheriff's Department to investigate the death of those two kids.

While this is going on, other people die of snakebites in very embarassing ways. A teenage boy carrying a lantern inside a barn gets bitten, and he falls, setting the barn on fire. Meanwhile, his mom is surprised by several rattlenakes who thought they were there for a sleepover. There's also a housewife who gets bitten in the tub when several snakes break through the drain, and a plumber who finds out what's really clogging the pipes (Trace: "Get me, I'm a plumber's snake. I can write for Lopez").

Tom is soon joined by Ann, a liberated female photographer who spouts off about equal rights. He tells her that if he had his way her "liberated ass" would be at the Sheriff's Department. He apologizes later, but is also told about how her mom was worn down by working at a factory. Anyway, they soon figure out the snakes' attacks took place near an old Army base...with a deep, dark and stupid secret. It's called CT3, which Mary Jo says is Cinematic Titanic 3-D. Now that's a good idea, but which movie should have the honor?

Back to the movie: Tom and Ann later discover the big secret is actually hidden in a mine shaft, filled with snakes. They escape, and the experience drains all the feminism out of Ann. For no good reason, they escape to a romantic night in Las Vegas (Joel: "What doesn't happen in Vegas stays in this movie."). Why Miss Liberated Photographer would fall for Mr. Bland Snake Expert, we'll never know, and the movie is hoping you won't ask.
However, the mood is broken by an invasion of snakes, followed by an invasion of trigger-happy soldiers. Ann gets bit (J. Elvis: "Watch out for my pet turtle"), and Tom demands to find out what the Army base is hiding. Cut to a colonel burning incriminating records, and a medical officer looking like a drunk zombie. The ending is surprising, in a bad way, and also hints about, or rather threatens, a possible sequel.

The CT gang make jokes about John C. Reilly, Mel Gibson, David Carradine (again), a comment about teachers losing bargaining rights, Wikileaks, Squidbillies, and a callback to a classic MST3K riff. The movie also shows a lot of skin, and we don't mean the snakes. We mean a Playboy centerfold and a doomed housewife in a bathtub. That blimp that covered up nudity in Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks is nowhere to be seen.

The DVD includes trailers of other DVDs, plus a behind-the-scenes look at a recent show in Atlanta. It looks like the CT crew will stick to live shows, although I really miss the old premise where they were trapped somewhere, riffing on bad movies. I'm just nostalgic about the old days.
You can order DVDs and tickets to future events at cinematictitanic.com The Rattlers DVD is sold out, but it's expected to be available again.

ICWXP: Rick Wolf is Legend

Vincent Price, Chuck Heston, Will Smith...kiss my last omega legend on Earth ass! Where's your Big Bad Apocalypse now?...Commander Rick Wolf

It's been a good week for fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000: the next DVD set with the Fugitive Alien movies and TV's Frank's farewell is coming this summer, Rifftrax finally released its live DVD of Jack the Giant Killer, and now Incognito Cinema Warriors XP has its first new DVD since November.

It establishes Flux Namtani as the new bot in town, while Rick Wolf decides that battling zombies to the death is preferable to seeing cigarettes square dance..or another talky horror flick. The series is now sort of traditional MST3K on steroids. That is, we see the gang deal with their post-apocalyptic world, while also enduring lame short subjects. Hopefully, they'll go back to even lamer feature films. The production values of the host segments is getting better thanks to fans chipping in through Kickstarter.

Before they get to the short, Topsybot 5000 and Johnny Cylon slowly get Flux unstuck in the 1980's, and update him about pop culture over the past 50 years (does this mean the show is set in the 2030's?). He is horrified to learn that since the '80s, vampires sparkle in the movies and zombies date. They also find out the Count from Sesame Street has gone metal, and uses the song "Bodies" to help kids learn to count ("Let the numbers hit the floor").

So how does Rick do in the outside world? Actually, it's disappointing: he only finds a Zombie Spock. However, it has an epic battle with one of the flying Ludivico spy cams that resembles, as one YouTube fan put it, Joe Cocker trying to bowl. I thought it looked more like CC Sabathia trying to pitch a possessed baseball.

Zombies or not, there are still short subjects to be riffed. So, the gang heads back to the Cine-a-Sorrow Theater for their latest torture, Soapy the Germ Fighter. It's a disturbing little movie about a boy who claims that having to be clean will make him a sissy instead of the macho cowboy he thinks he is. Through a dream, or a heroin nightmare according to Topsybot, he's taught the error of his ways by Soapy, a disturbing cake of soap with legs but no pants. It shows him several people who like to be clean, like a cowboy who tries to wash off "all that Indian blood". Strangely, it's the first movie to show a bucking bronco while the Nutcracker Suite is heard. To prove how much of an MST3K fan I am, I recognized a couple of the kids in the film as the same ones from a Rifftrax short about good eating habits.

Before that, the gang has to sit through some of those old ads that convince you to get some popcorn or corn dogs (made from cats) before the movie starts. This is what your grandparents had to suffer through before those "First Look" theater commercials were invented. Not only that, they see the famous "VD is for everybody" PSA, which makes Cylon shout "Natalie Portman, no!". That's followed by pop-up ads that not only appear out of nowhere but start arguing. I'm not kidding. It's, as Rick puts it, "a peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich for the ages".

Then there's two major confrontations. One of them involves Ludivico lackeys expecting to cart the body of Rick away after he's supposedly dead after seeing a certain movie made by a Texas fertilizer salesman (yes, that one). Rick and the bots actually handle this problem very well. The other one battle involves...well....we'll just say there's a death scene you'll never forget.

The DVD has great special features. There's an audio commentary from Rikk Wolf and Nick Evans, who discuss everything from moving their offices to Kansas City to figuring out which software is better to make their weird puppet show. Another edition of "Ask a Cinema Warrior" answers questions about The Walking Dead, the chances of being on a TV network, and which movie they'd like to riff on if given the chance. There's also a blooper reel with behind-the scenes stuff, along with an unplugged version of the ICWXP theme, and a special Fun With Shorts feature from writer Josh Way. It's about Nick, the goofy teen from "What To Do On a Date" (the short from MST's Swamp Diamonds episode), and how he learns the "Benefits of Looking Ahead." Let's just say it saves him from eating an apple while living in in a burned-out building.

The new DVD is available at ICWXP.com. There's also other stuff like DVD's, the non-motion picture in comic book form, and stickers.

Note: Nelson's Liquor Mart, which was one of the ads shown on the show, was located in Tomahawk, Wisconsin. We're not sure if it's still open for business.

Cinematic Titanic Returns..Finally..on DVD

It's been more than a year since Cinematic Titanic, one of the Two MST3K alumni groups, has released a DVD. The crew (Joel Hodgson, Trace Beauleau, TV's Frank Coniff, J. Elvis Weinstein and Mary Jo Pehl) have been busy touring the nation, spreading their mirth and movie riffing far and wide. They were even in my neck of the woods, namely UC Davis, but I couldn't make it.

Well, just in time for the holidays, the CT gang has the perfect companion to the Santa Claus Conquers the Martians DVD: War of the Insects, aka Genocide, a turgid Japanese drama that, according to Joel, is the type of movie that "needs a good Gamera attack". I saw the CT gang riff this movie live in August 2010 at the Castro in San Francisco. My review of that performance is here, but here's the plot: a cheating husband named George is seen with a foxy blond named Annabelle ("From eternity to here?") who is actually a mad scientist. She wants to unleash insects to destroy all humans. Meanwhile, A US Air Force bomber crashes after a huge swarm of bees attack it. No, really.
Another group of officers show up to look for the bomb, unaware they're already in a bomb...namely this movie. Add the fact George is arrested for murder, and his wife Yukari is pregnant, and you start wishing Godzilla would show up to put them all out of their misery.

This performance was taped in September 2011 in Minneapolis, the birthplace of modern severe movie criticism. Compared to the Castro performance, they added a lot of new jokes, and changed their anti-Glee riff. The first riff on what Michelle Bachman's first day as president was kept, along with J Elvis' haunting song at the end. I liked the DVD show more only because I could hear the movie better. Some of the highlights:

Charley, one of the Air Force guys, goes nuts when he sees a bee outside the plane:
MJ: His memories of watching the History Channel have haunted him forever

The owner of the bar is happy to see new customers thanks to the bomb search:
Frank: It's like a stimulus package with dead people.

Dr. Komura is still upset over being attacked by an insane Charley, who was laughing and shooting a pistol. "I don't understand at all.."
Joel: Who would ever vote for Rick Perry?

Dr. Nagumo allows himself to be bitten by the poisoned bees to see why they are attacking humans. He convulses, hallucinates and babbles like Charley
Joel: Insects, peppermint, meaningless nouns

Annabelle explains her plan to Nagumo: "Genocide. The extermination of man. That's what I've been waiting for."
Joel: That, and Star Wars on blu-ray (which finally happened a few days after this performance)

And Trace summing the whole thing up: I always thought the end of the world would look like Carrot Top.
There also also jokes about Piers Morgan, Monty Python, Bewitched and David Carradine.

Aside from the movie, there are clips of the live show, with audience members raving about it, along with trailers to Danger on Tiki Island, East Meets Watts and The Alien Factor. This may suggest they are abandoning studio shows, where they pretend to be trapped in an underground facility, forced to riff on bad movies for future generations for some reason or other. There is supposed to be a new DVD called Rattlers, where mutated rattlesnakes cause havoc.

You can order DVDs and get a schedule of their 2012 tour at cinematictitanic.com

The Return of ICWXP: The Return of Rikk Wolf

Three years ago, heavy metal musician and MST3K fan Rikk Wolf decided, with a few friends, to make a little project where he was a zombie-fighting soldier trapped in a movie theatre with two weird looking robots. A mad scientist forces them to watch bad movies, mainly for fun. He admits it's cruel, and sounds vaguely familiar.
It was made into a DVD called Incognito Cinema Warriors XP, and it was sold on MySpace.
Little did he know that he would create an internet sensation, and something that MST fans have been craving for since the Satellite of Love went into TV history.

Now, after two years of weather disasters, technical difficulties, and depression that the Chiefs weren't what they used to be, Rikk is back with a new ICWXP movie. This time, Rikk, Johnny Cylon, Zed the Zombie Head and TopsyBot 5000 face new perils, including the most boring horror movie ever, and a new Big Bad.

Everything about it is new, starting with a live-action version of the old theme, complete with zombies who are looking for brains or a walk-on role in The Walking Dead. Rikk also recorded a new version of the theme, plus other scenes from episodes never shown including an homage to Dragon Ball.
After a sketch that mocks Starbucks, Rikk and the Bots see that Dr. Blackwood, their old nemesis, has been sent off. He's replaced by Special Agent Kincaid (Gregory Wyatt Tinnen), who is so evil he could clearly be Pearl Forrester's male clone. Anywho, he works for the Ludivico Corporation (who probably started this zombie apocalypse because it's so Resident Evil), and he decides to show bad movies more cruelly. He even has an evil smartphone that Pearl would envy.

We start with Ghost Rider, which isn't the Nicholas Cage movie, It's a safety film where a new kid learns about bus safety from a ghost. It's not bad, but it does drive Cylon to sing Jim Croce and TB5K to remark "The dead walk the earth and they want us to read bus safety pamphlets." It also ends with Topsy doing a killer Morgan Freeman.
Then the gang is startled by a famous Lucky Strike ad where cigarettes are square dancing. In fact, we got a lot of callbacks from the short and ad.

The main event: Werewolf in a Girls Dormitory, an 1961 Italian horror movie which is self-explanatory. After very sexy horror flicks like Lady Frankenstein and Bloody Pit of Horror (yes, even that Crimson Executioner guy), we get 87 minutes of droning talk between the characters about blackmail, gossip, funerals and zzzzzzzzzz, etc. We barely get three minutes of werewolf, and it's not even a good one. In fact, it's described as a "were-Michael C. Hall". We're supposed to wonder who the werewolf is: the Peter Lorre caretaker, the teacher who could be a young Frau Blucher, the handsome new teacher, an old guy who's having a near-affair with one of the students, his creepy wife, or maybe whoever came up with this movie. Rick and the gang have to muster all their strength to come up with some good riffs to keep from dozing off.

Some examples:

Opening titles show the "horror" of the monster: "It's the Satan Platypus!"
The new teacher shows up: "I think I'm going to live it here on Wicker Man Island."
Alfred goes home after talking to Mary, the student who's blackmailing him: "He's gonna lay low in Paul Lynde's house for a while."
The caretaker sneaks into the girls' bedroom: "Ben Roethlisberger, your wet dream is here."
When the real werewolf is revealed in a "plot swivel", he then attacks one of the students: "This makes me feel like a teen wolf again."

The host segments include Cylon and Topsy mocking Ghosthunters, with a surprise cameo, Topsy doing something so disturbing it excites Kincaid, and the worst surprise party ever. There's even a callback to the letters segment MST3K did way back when.
It's clearly a triumphant return to form for ICWXP. Sadly, it's also the last movie they're going to attack. They're switching to short subjects that could be even worse than any movie Nicholas Cage is in. But we're left wondering what is Kincaid's deal, where he got that evil smartphone, and whether Dr. Blackwood is gone.

Actually, we get a few clues in the extras: Rikk has a commentary on the host segments, and reveals a few tidbits on what's to come. He also includes a couple of music videos from his band At the Left Hand of God. There's a Q and A session with Rikk, Tinnen and Zach Legler (Cylon). They even answer a question I forgot I ever sent them. I do find out Rikk didn't start this show because he worked at an AMC theater. We also see how the bots were made, and a quick tour of the studio. It's more cramped than Best Brains in its early days, but it shows how damn good humor can spring from humble beginnings.

They have a new website at www.ICWXP.com, where you can get past DVDs, YouTube bits, including the new theme, links to Twitter and Facebook, apparel, and even a hint on what season one will be all about. I'm praying for Robo-Blackwood, personally, or maybe the zombies will make their own TV show about how they battle the hideous threat of the living, and call it The Walking Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnssssss.
Until then, pray for Rikk Wolf, Johnny Cylon, Zed and TopsyBot 5000..and for more adventures to come.
Maybe they can throw in their version of Alice from Resident Evil, or whoever Kate Beckinsale plays in Underworld, who helps them out because she is an even bigger MST3K fan.

Rifftrax: "What About Juvenile Delinquency?" Revisited

Nearly two years ago, Cinematic Titanic revisited an MST3K classic, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. As any hard-core fan would do, I reviewed it and compared it with the original version on this blog.

Now Rifftrax has taken a second look as a classic short called "What About Juvenile Delinquency?" That was the short before "The Atomic Brain". It's been nearly 15 years, and the Rifftrax crew thought it needed some refreshing. That means getting rid of a few dated jokes, and putting the emphasis on something else. For example, in the MST version, Mike Nelson starts off with "What About Juvenile Delinquency? That's a viable career option." In the Rifftrax version, he emphasizes the name of the film series, "Discussion Problems in Group Living." To be honest, that's not as much fun.

I decided to take a few pieces to compare the riffing. First, the gang waits for their ride.

MST3K: (Crow) The Martin Milner Gang (Servo on the logo) Oh, they're so klandikto (callback to "Clash of the Moons")
Rifftrax: (Mike on the logo) It's the Fearsome Electric Fried Egg Gang.

Then they decide to beat up a bald headed guy who's driving too slow

MST3K: (Mike) When good natured ribbing goes too far
Rifftrax: (Mike) Don't hurt me! I've got Mitch Miller tickets

Followed by the picture of the driver, who is really Jamie's dad. Jamie's with the gang, by the way.

MST3K: (Crow as Jamie's mom) Oh, Willard Scott, I'll gently polish you
Rifftrax: (Bill) His high school graduation photo

When the gang goes to the dry cleaners or the H&R Block place, depending of your version, Jamie hears about how his friends clobbered a big bald headed guy in a yellow Buick. They wonder why Jamie is so interested.

MST3K: (Mike) Just trying to draw you out. Want some fries?
Rifftrax: (Mike) Because your story was a little flat. I think the kind of car he drove really helps paints a vivid picture.

Jamie comes home to find his wounded dad. He asks mom how he is

MST3K: (Crow) He's kind of rubbery
Rifftrax: (Kevin) I've given him three intravenous chuck roasts.

When Jamie meets the gang the next day at school, they urge him to come back to the club or else. While MST talks about how they tell Jamie they can beat up their other dads, Rifftrax talks about "nobody leaves our club...except for the guy who did last week"
Then the football captain, student body president and senior class president talk to Jamie about the city council meeting, and how they'll ban everything to protect the city from the wild teens. While MST was afraid of the student body president's face, the Rifftrax crew seems to be scared of him and the football guy speaking up close.
Then the class president says "They'll listen to you Jamie, because it was your dad who...."

MST3K: (Crow) Awkward....
Rifftrax: (Kevin) made a pass at me at the wrestling meet.

The mean gang is about to stop them from going to city hall, when the oldest teacher in school walks by. The gang is intimidated for some reason

MST3K: (Mike) It's Martha Graham. Run!
Rifftrax: (Mike) Cheese it. It's Orville Redenbacher

Then the final scene when the mayor asks Jamie and his friends what they can do to fight juvenile delinquency..

MST3K: (Mike) They called our bluff. What do we do?
Rifftrax: (Mike) uh...put a pop machine in the lunch room? I don't know!

I prefer the MST version better, only because the Rifftrax version had too much riffing. On the other hand, you could hear a bit more of the story, such as it is.

This brings up an interesting question...what other shorts or movies should Rifftrax re-riff? Mr. B Natural? Junior Rodeo Daredevils? Gamera? Manos (despite what Mike's wife thinks about that movie)? Maybe the final episode of Undersea Kingdom, or even Eegah?

It may not be necessary for Rifftrax or Cinematic Titanic to recycle past MST3K shows, since there are plenty of lousy reboots and cheesy dramas to attack...not to mention really bad monster movies from the Philippines. But, maybe, they could.

Cinematic Titanic in San Francisco: It's Better Than Hippies

Well, Dave "Gruber" Allen said so, but he was probably joking.
Still, it's no joke that the Cinematic Titanic crew, one of the two major Faiths For Protesting Against Bad Movies In A Jovial Way (Rifftrax being the other), has an intense following in San Francisco. They just had their third visit to the Bay Area this past Tuesday, and second time at the Castro this year.



Some fans had CT t-shirts, but I think I saw a guy wearing a green furry jacket, as if he was Big Daddy Clayton Forrester.
And there's this guy....



He's in bliss wearing the Gizmonic uniform.

They had the basic opening act from crazy haikus from J. Elvis Weinstein and DVD's Frank Coniff's Convoluted Man, but had some interesting additions. Allen did a cool rap to introduce J. Elvis' rendition of "Year of the Cat," while DVD's Frank suggested that the movie version of Mamma Mia shouldn't have a sing-a-long version as Grease just did. What he did suggest...well, it's a bit more dark. He may repeat the joke, which is why I won't say it. Actually, what he suggested would be more appropriate for Glitter, Step Up 3-D, or even the Hannah Montana movie.

Now, the target for that night: it's called War of the Insects, but it was originally called Genocide. It's supposed to be a monster movie about how insects are killing people at a remote island. Cool, huh? Mothra-sized bees eating people?
Uh, no. Actually, it starts as a wartime drama where some Japanese guy named George cheats on his pregnant wife with a blond while the Army is looking for a missing H-bomb after one of its planes crashed. Also, a Black Air Force guy named Charlie freaks out after seeing a bee outside the plane, just before a few thousand more insects force the plane to crash. Oh, and George is charged with murder because he tries to sell a watch from one of the pilots.

After that, we get to see these characters interact aimlessly, even including the blond flirting with a Japanese doctor who's interested in the insects on the island. Suddenly, the action ramps up when we see the local insects sting two Air Force guys to death, while Charlie laughs uncontrollably while firing a pistol and molesting the pregnant wife.
Then we find out the blond has something to do with the insects attacking humans. Something about insects upset that man is destroyng itself with these H-bombs. Even the ending is creepy.

So, how does the CT crew react to a Japanese movie that makes them wish it was a Sandy Frank production? Well, they welcome the movie's first image of a bomb exploding with the words, "Sarah Palin's first day as president" (which is actually familiar if you change the name to Dan Quayle). At one point Joel Hodgson wished that Gamera suddenly came to attack anything. We get jokes about Dollhouse, Flavor Flav, Monty Python and LSD. At one point, two local hoodlums try to find the George, and Frank says "Crockett and Tubbs, Miami Rice".
Two jokes stick out in my mind. When the Doctor's nurse says "I don't understand", Trace Beaulieu says "Who likes Glee?" The other one was when the doctor carries a cross for Charlie's grave, Joel asks "there are vampires, too?"
As for the creepy and bleak ending, J. Elvis sings Tomorrow like you've never heard it before. Of course, the sell-out crowd enjoyed every minute of it. I think it was even better than the "Danger on Tiki Island" show a few months ago.

Afterward, the crew stuck around for autographs. Since I have lots of their autographs already, I just talked to them. I told Frank I noticed they were using iPads for their scripts, and he said it wasn't a big deal. He's right, since TV stations are starting to replace scripts with iPads. I asked J. Elvis about future DVD plans, and he said that was up in the air. Personally, I wished they'd go back to the time tube with War of the Insects, since its end-of-the-worlds message would be appropriate. They can also claim the live tour is paying for the shadowy group's plan. The only other "new" movie that's part of the tour is Samson and the Seven Miracles, from the old East European school of fantasy that produced The Day The Earth Froze.
And..I got a new photo with Joel...



Finally, I thanked Ron DeGroot for getting me a guest ticket for this, after I had that entry for the "what happened to Pearl?" contest on another MST site. He assured me the CT and Rifftrax groups truly support each other. That stoked my hopes that we'd have a super-riff doubleheader as the entire MSTverse takes on Eclipse and Jonah Hex..or maybe a Godzilla movie that was never released here.

For now, I'll be waiting for my next Rifftrax DVDs, and also watch Star Trek 2009, fully riffed. I'd never bother with the Twilight movies unless I got those movies at gunpoint.

New from Cinematic Titanic: "Danger on Tiki Island"

There seems to be a split on whether the Cinematic Titanic crew should stick to live shows, or go back to the traditional route where they have to riff on movies for future generations because of some electron scaffolding or other. For all we know, some ex-Gizmonic employees are trapping Joel and the gang because they feel threatened by a group who they think will destroy life as we know if....RIFFTRAX!!
I just dare them to come out and say that.

That being said, the latest live DVD, Danger on Tiki Island, is now available. Once again, this is from their Largo Theater performances in Los Angeles. We'll try to describe the plot while tossing out a few choice riffs from the show:

A handsome Peace Corps volunteer is joined by Dr. Henderson and her undersexed wife on a trip to a tropic isle. While the natives look at their new visitors ("Native #2, he's got an Igloo cooler"), the doc wants to examine how nearby atomic bomb testing has affected the area ("This guy's like Bob Goulet after a Grand Slam Breakfast"). She wishes the doc would examine her in fairly obscene ways, The Peace Corps guy just wants to help the natives.
Anyway, they soon find out the natives have reverted to primitive ways. They have a Shirley Jackson lottery to choose who will be sacrificed to the forest monster who is now their god ("Sigmund the Sea Monster, NOOOO!"). Peace Corps guy falls for one of the natives named Alla, and we see a mysterious rich guy called Estaban ("Juan Stamos?"), complete with mysterious accent. He lives in a mansion run by very small natives who care often compared to Oompa-Loompas.

There's plenty of walking scenes, with the only excitement coming from the trees who sometimes attack passers-by with their branches ("I'm sorry I forgot Arbor Day")...then turn back into normal trees suddenly. Once one of the trees get violent, the tribe decides more sacrifices, and this time Alla's chosen. Peace Corps guy objects, and he takes her away. He goes to Esteban's mansion, where the doc and horny wife are staying.

Later that night, the doc's wife is unable to arouse him ("Is he playing dead or playing gay?"). She tries to seduce Esteban while he's sleeping, but his manservant Goro interrupts her. She tries again the next night, but gets lost in the violent forest. She then meets the monster, who's basically a pickle mascot gone horribly wrong. Let's just say her wishes do come true but in a horrible way ("Oh, she's thinking about it").

The doc gets Peace Corps guy to help him find his wife, but Goro battles the doc in a terrible fight scene that's more like Tom DeLay's performance in Dancing With the Stars.
This, of course, leads to the final battle, and the slightly shocking truth about the monster. Joel, of course, gives the perfect description of this movie: Roger Corman's South Pacific.

There are flubs, especially from Frank, but having the CT crew riff live makes it more real. We wish these guys would be included in showings of lousy movies, with them giving their comments from the wings. Imagine what they could do to the Twilight movies or Jonah Hex....or 99.999999999999 percent of romantic movies. While we may have another studio DVD in the future, having these guys live would be great, too. The Rifftrax guys are already seeing how live shows can work, thanks to their special theater shows in the past year which are also available on DVD (especially the Christmas show from 2009).

The DVD also has interviews with the crew, who say nice things about each other, and why they're back in the movie riffing game. We learn TV's Frank is quite a show biz expert, and has an interesting fan base. Of course, we also hear from the fans who can't get enough of watching bad movies get humiliated...and we never will.

A couple of years ago, everyone from MST3K got together for a special panel on the show at Comic-Con. We should have it again. We could have a riffing rumble, but I'm not sure if the CT crew would be the Sharks or the Jets. Then again, we could have a rumble where the CT's are the Torgos and the Rifftrax guys be the Krankors or Brain Guys. Now THAT should be shown in theaters across the country.

Until then, the CT live tour continues with shows in Ann Arbor, San Francisco and Los Angeles..and even more stops well into next Spring. I think the next target is a Japanese movie called War of the Insects. At least Sandy Frank didn't give us this movie.

At Last! The Latest Cinematic Titanic DVD Review

I've had the new Cinematic Titanic Live DVD for nearly a week, but I've been sidetracked by bobsleds and the best hockey game on TV since the Miracle on Ice.
Now, I've had the chance to look over the second live show, which is also from the Largo in Los Angeles when they had a three-day run there late last year.

I had thought they would have Danger on Tiki Island, which the CT crew wrestled with last month. Instead, they had The Alien Factor, which is about a small Maryland town being attacked by alien animals in completely embarrassing ways.
Or maybe the movie is the thing that is embarrassing. At least you can't blame Independent International Pictures on this tripe. It's locally owned, operated and filmed, and looks like it.

Aside from the aliens, there's political intrigue as the Mayor tried to get the local sheriff to hush the whole thing up, or the new amusement park won't be built. There's a reporter who is determined to find the truth, but likely can't find her car. There's a weird looking guy who apparently can handle these aliens, maybe a little too well. There's also long, thoughtful walks in the woods to pad whatever lack of drama the movie has.

Naturally, it's the riffing that makes the movie worth watching, because it illustrates why the movie wasn't worth making.
A sampling:

A "police" car responds to a guy getting killed by one of the aliens who looks like his skin was duct tape: "Has there ever in history been a two-door cop car?"

Some guys walk to the sheriff to offer their help: "It's Three Dog Night!"

A girl sees one of the aliens and tries to run away: "Even the film is trying to escape."

One of the locals gets zapped, then the film cuts to three kids playing with a ball: "Childhood syphilis can happen to anyone."

A local band sings to pad the film: "They're actually a tribute band to themselves."

A mysterious guy named Benjamin Zachery asks the Mayor to come in his house to discuss the aliens: "I was right in the middle of my Chevy Chase lessons, but come on in." (possibly a ripoff to a Mike Nelson joke from "Laserblast")

The Sheriff battles another of the aliens: a tall bulky fellow who looks like a cross between an ant and Bigfoot: "Dark Horse presents Godzilla vs. McCloud".

The climax involves Zachery battling the worst of the aliens...an Iguana ghost that's really an SFX shot so bad, it would make Ray Harryhausen throw up: "What has two arms, no legs and has made this movie even worse?"

The DVD, at least, has the guts to list the entire cast at the end, but for three seconds and in very small font. There's also a preview of "East Meets Watts", guaranteed to convince you to get this DVD, too.
As for the future, another live DVD is coming, most likely the "Danger on Tiki Island" movie. After that, let's hope they go back to the traditional style, including comedy bits to interrupt the movie. After all, the premise is they're riffing on bad movies against their will, like the other guys. We can't have them enjoy it, or we'd unleash them against Avatar or Transformers 2. Say....

Cinematic Titanic Back in the Bay Area

It's been nearly a year since Joel Hodgson, and his fellow MST3K alumni, visited San Francisco to entertain people with their clever way of mocking bad movies.
More than a thousand people at the Castro Theater decided to forget about getting Lost, and encounter "Danger on Tiki Island," another Independent International picture that carries on a movie tradition equal to Coleman Francis, Sandy Frank and Ed Wood. Yeah, that bad.

Apparently a scientist and his sex-starved wife encounter a monster who desires sacrifices from the local village. They are helped by a Fabian-ish assistant, a lot of short natives and a suspiciously handsome rich guy. The scientist, by the way, is played by Kent Talyor, the same guy who played the evil surgeon in the first CT classic, "The Oozing Skull."

I couldn't get all the jokes because the sound system wasn't as good as the one at the Marines Memorial Theater, where the CT gang appeared nearly a year ago. It's just as well, since the next DVD will be a live version of the same movie people saw at the Castro.



When that DVD is available in April, or at least that's what Joel told the fans after the show, we'll have comments on the doctor's face ("Mount Rushmore isn't that chiseled"), the natives doing Blue Swede's version of "Hooked on a Feeling", the doc's wife looking for sex ("Good God, woman, you've struck man"), and some of the midget natives being called "Filipino Time Bandits." As for the monster, Joel said it looked like the Michelin Man after a fiery car crash.



Aside from that, it was basically the same show as last year's event. Dave "Gruber" Allen was back, ready with a joke about Avatar and even one about a kid's magazine I hadn't picked up since I was 12.



J. Elvis Weinstein, the artist formerly known as Dr. Forrester's sidekick, joined in for some cool be-bop haiku.



Then we had TV's Frank Coniff, who talked about how a CHP officer stopped him, then let him off with a warning: don't see "Tooth Fairy" (wise cinematic advice, that). Afterwards, he went into his Convoluted Man routine.

Cinematic Titanic was the official end of this year's Sketchfest, which featured more comics than you can shake a rubber chicken or clown nose at. It's interesting Rifftrax was there in 2007, perfecting their "Plan 9 From Outer Space" routine that was quite the hit in theaters nationwide.
It was also great they chose the Castro for their second visit. It's probably the most impressive looking movie house around, aside from Grauman's Chinese and the Arclight Dome. Here's a link to some of the pictures inside the place, plus CT's appearance in 2009. To wrap up, here's two more pictures of the CT crew...





and a true MST3K fan, because he's wearing a shirt from its first convention from about 20 years ago.



Of course, the ultimate dream would be Rifftrax and the CT gang joining forces to meet its greatest challenge....riffing Avatar and both Transformers movies to submission.

Cinematic Titanic: Mexican Vampires, Made In Manila

Recently, I've been seeing bad Italian horror movies being riffed by Cinematic Titanic and Incognito Cinema Warriors XP. These films are a unique breed, combining breasts with blood. Where else can a horror fan ogle a naked girl who either makes monsters or is carried off by one?

Thanks to CT, though, I found a even stranger movie: a Filipino vampire movie set in Mexico, where some of the actors are in blackface, and the evil demons are defeated by the full force of the Catholic Church. These, and more, are part of Blood of the Vampires. This was one of the two movies riffed during the recent live tour. I don't know how the riffs in the recent DVD release compares to the live showings, but it's safe to say there's not much difference.

The movie was released by the same people who gave us The Oozing Skull. You can tell that because the soundtrack for that movie is the theme for B of V. Right off the bat, the crew is in gear, noting the titles are trying to escape, and Josh noting "Gerardo de Leon, he's the guy who discovered the Fountain of Sh*t", which apparently is this movie.
The story is about the cursed Escordero family. The head of the family, Don Enrique, doesn't want his two kids, Eduardo and Lenore, to be married to their respective loves, Christina and Daniel (who basically doubles as a mannequin, as does Eduardo). The reason is there's a deep dark secret in the basement. It's so horrible, dad wants the house burned to the ground when he dies. Eduardo demands the truth, and Don Enrique reluctantly shows him through a secret room behind a painting (Josh Weinstein: "I predict this is the first of many times that this film goes into a wall."). In the basement, they find mom in a coffin...waking up! That's right, she is a vampire (Mary Joel Pehl: "Even in death, she needed a shave."). Lenore also finds out about the secret in a very embarrassing way, even for this movie. She decides to break up with Daniel, but he maybe talks her out of it. We don't know.

Then, Eduardo makes the mistake of visiting Vampire Mom, and taking off his crucifix to show his good will. Mom goes for the neck, and now Eddie's a vampire, too. He also has the best demon teeth in the whole movie. Still, Eduardo has to face it, as Trace Beaulieu says, "I got a hickey, FROM MY MOM!!" It isn't long before he makes his girlfriend Christina a vampire, too, and later his wife. Hey, he might as well...
Don Enrique is unaware of all this before he spots his vampire wife wandering around again, looking at Lenore's neck. He stops her, and she escapes so quickly "she's like an unholy Usain Bolt. (DVD's Frank Coniff with that one)" The "black" manservant does kill her with a wooden stake, and they burn her body. (Joel Hodgson: "That's the way I want to go, Kirk Douglas, Viking style."). Don Enrique goes to tell Eduardo, just in time to get killed by his vampire son.

As for Lenore, she fears she'll die the way mom did, but Daniel the Mannequin says they should run away together. They do, but their stagecoach has been damaged by Eduardo, and they both die, or one of them dies, or something.
Oh, Lenore lives while Daniel is dead, according to her vampire brother. However, that doesn't stop Daniel from visiting her as a surprisingly solid ghost. It also leads Eduardo to lust after her sister or at least her neck. This leads to one of the best riffs in this movie...

Mary Jo: Brother-sister vampire action? It's not right and it's not hot.
Josh: Would it help if they put one of them in blackface?

Ah, yes, some of the cast are put in blackface to show they are servants to the lighter-skinned not-Mexicans. The CT crew have quite a time mocking this decision, especially when they identify three "black" servants together as "the Jolsonettes".

But back to the movie: this soon leads to a battle of the undeads for Lenore's soul. Daniel even has an alleged sword fight with Eduardo. This doesn't stop Eduardo, though, from biting a servant right in front of his vampire wife. Tsk.
Meanwhile, Lenore digs up Daniel's body to see he is really dead. Then, the vampire family and the undead Jolsonettes arrive to feast on her body.
Finally, we get the typical unruly crowd with torches, ready to storm the house of evil that as Casa Escodero. Not only that, they have priests and nuns from every church in "Mexico" storming the place. This leads to a series of religious riffs that may upset or amuse the average Catholic. Daniel the ghost also shows up to deal with now-undead Lenore. This leads to a riff that sums up how ridiculous a Filipino movie about Mexican vampires really is. I won't repeat it because this is an obvious way to get you to buy the DVD.

Aside from the movie, we have a couple of host segments. The supervisor for the CT group talks about a "data spill" in the Copolla tank. The other segment apparently shows the crew in the middle of power drinking. Considering the movie, it should have started after the credits. Anyway, Frank claims he hasn't had a drink in 22 years, but will make an exception. Then he gets a call on his cell that freaks him out. Again, get the DVD, and you'll see why.
Actually, I've noticed the CT crew only does one "host segment" per DVD, rather than two in the earlier releases. Compare that to the ICWXP gang, who go out of their way to attack a bad movie just like MST3K at its prime with at least three host segments.

While this was another winner, I am hoping they can get the DVD for Dynamite Brothers released soon, probably around Memorial Day. I did see that movie in the live tour in San Francisco. If the crew at least kept The Spit-Take Heard Round the World, it will be worth it.

This is RIFFING!!

I finally tried out one of the Rifftrax commentaries targeting a popular movie, rather than a bad one. I watched the DVD to 300 while the Rifftrax crew, led by Mike Nelson, give their two cents worth. At the 2007 Comic-Con, I met Mike at the Rifftrax booth just after I learned the movie was going to be shown next door at Petco Park. I jokingly asked Mike if was going to be there to try out his riffs. He didn't answer me, but it would have been a great way to sell more tracks.

The way it works is that you're advised by Mike and his minions, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett, when to start the mp3. Their mascot, Disembodio, will sometime repeat a line from the movie to help the listener resynch. This is really helpful when you have to stop the move and iPod for something. The site also offers a special player that lets you see the DVD and hear the commentary in synch to the movie if you're seeing it on your computer. I prefer the TV and iPod combo myself.

Anyway, here's some of the choice riffs that one can expect from the 300 Rifftrax...

Rosie O'Donnell is visiting Sparta?

Leonidas: THIS IS SPARTA!: Woops. I didn't know you were that close to our killing pit.

Xerxes' emissary comes to warn the Spartans: Fabio Jr. is going to set him straight

Gorgo's last words to Leonidas: Spartan, come back with your shield (it makes a great fruit bowl) or on it.

When Leonidas sees Xerxes for the first time: It's like Mr. Clean is on his way to the Mardi Gras.

For a longer example, try this from YouTube:



Imagine what they'll do to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I'll try that next week.

The Second Riffing of Santa and the Martians

When Cinematic Titanic revived the traditional style of insulting movies hat are themselves insults to cinema, some have wondered if the brave crew would dare revisit one of its past traumas, I mean, movies. Could they dare riff on Manos again? Monster-a-Go-Go? Pod People?

No....they had to take the ultimate risk: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!

Joel Hodgson had thought about taking a second look at one of the movies he and the bots riffed on in the MST days. Just in time for the holidays, this looked like the ideal choice. The crew tried it out in St. Louis before a live audience, although the DVD was probably made before then. Considering the fact that half the jokes in the original would be lost on the younger fans, a new version would be needed.

We know the story: Martians come down to Earth to kidnap Santa so he can bring his Yuletide cheer to Mars. This inspires some Martian named Dropo to become Santa himself. This movie makes Four Christmases, or even Home Alone, look like It's a Wonderful Life.

Now, how do SCCTM 2.0 translate on screen? Well, when the crew is told, Trace tries to run away, while TV's Frank says "Stop calling it a film. We know better."

I'll start with comparing riffs from certain moments in the film.

When Santa is asked if he'll trade his sled for a rocket, he says "we're going out the good ol' fashioned way...."

MST: Guns a' blazing
CT: hammered.

Chochem explains Martians need Santa because "We have no children on Mars. They have children's bodies with adult minds..."

MST: like Drew Barrymore
CT: like Dennis Kucinich

Kimar meets Billy and Betty on Earth: "We're from Mars. Don't be afraid. We have children just like you."

MST: only they're worse actors
CT: We eat them

There is one example where I think the MST riff is much better. This is when Billy told the Martians they'll never kidnap Santa: "You won't get away with this, you....Martian."

Josh from CT: "I can't believe he dropped the M-bomb like that".
MST: "Santa's gonna cut you, man. Santa's a blade man, man."

But that's just me.

Other riffs in the second version have their charm. When the Martians use an air blaster to freeze Mrs. Claus: "Now why can't they do that to Ann Coulter?"

When Dropo starts dressing like Santa: "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, I wish I had a gun."

The Martian kids are told to go to bed: "Being a Martian is a bigger drag than being a Mormon"

Oh, and the final scene where Volmar is defeated by a toy attack...the MST version compared it to several scenes, such as the pie-throwing scene in The Great Race and the orgy scene in Caligula. All Mary Jo said about it is "OK, it's official. They made me hate fun", while Joel said it was as if "Barbarella and Jane Fonda had a big stupid mustache."

My suggestion: see both versions. That will drive you to egg nog, as long as it's 5% egg and 95% nog, but it would be worth it.

Also, I got the Rifftrax DVD featuring some of its most popular shorts. It's also a great diversion from the typical cheesy holiday specials that are not Rudolph, Frosty or Jimmy Stewart. It also includes a new way to riff: the crew takes on a safety film called Shake Hands With Danger, but you see Mike Nelson, Kevin Nelson and Bill Corbett as CGI avatars. Mike is still human while Kevin's a living popcorn box and Bill's a parrot. It's quite a different experience than seeing them in silhouette mocking bad cinema. Check it out!