Friday, October 26, 2018

Kiss Our Gunt! Rifftrax Is Ready For Lame Video Movie



I have a lot of Rifftrax riffs that are "just the jokes" of major movies. In most cases, I have the movies that go along with them, especially Star Wars, the Deathly Hallows movies and the two Jurassic Park movies that came close to being good.

However, I decided to rent Ready Player One after getting the riff for it. From the start, I was aware Mike, Kevin and Bill would rip this movie apart because of the famous 372 Pages I Will Never Get Back podcast.

Sure enough, they really went to town, and maybe they have a point. It doesn't help that the CGI versions of Parzival and Art3mis are much more interesting that who they really are, two teens named Wade and Samantha.

The plot, of course, is millions of people getting lost in a virtual world called the Oasis to avoid reality. This is especially necessary for Wade, who lives in a stacked mobile home park in Columbus, OH about 20 years in the future.
Then comes news of a contest where people have to find three magic keys that will get the winner about half a billion dollars in video game stock and control of the Oasis. This also get the attention of Sorrento, an evil billionaire played by Orson Krennick, er, Ben Mendelsohn. He has a ton of people working to get the keys so he doesn't have to. Kinda like Veruca Salt, and we know what happened to her in a nice musical number from the real Willy Wonka movie.

From there, it's a lame version of Kingdom Hearts with occasional trips back to a reality that's a bummer.

The final scene is a cute version of the Battle of the Bastards from Game of Thrones, followed by a  weird finale that rips off Willy Wonka,
Also, it must be said that Oscar winner Mark Ryland does a great job as a video game genius who wound up like Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High who got wasted a few times too many. It's amazing considering he also played a Russian spy who was a bit too calm in Bridge of Spies.
Also, I was stunned a certain actor was in this, who made a good old guy. Thank goodness he's done better stuff elsewhere.

OK, riff time:

Parzival discovers he has to travel backwards to get the first key because "Bill and Ted did it."
That's it! I've got to kill Alex Winter

He talks about his new suit having a "microfiber crotch inlay"
Microfiber Crotch Inlay would have been a better name for this movie.

Some virtual goons from IOI (Sorrento's company) storm the virtual night club where Parzival and Art3mis are dancing
This is downright Orwellian...if Orwell was a complete dumbass.

The real teens behind the avatars, Wade and Samantha, aren't exactly Tracy and Hepburn
Dukakis in his tank had more chemistry than these two.

Chucky shows up as an avatar. Yes, that Chucky
Seth Green? How can he help?

As usual, they squeeze in a joke on Nick Nolte, but also fire riffs on Jewel, Zach Synder, driving in Boston, Air Supply, Short Round and Colecovision....to name just a few.

The riff is available at the website at rifftrax.com


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