It's SO Eighties! Rifftrax Goes RAD

 

It's August, and it's time for another Rifftrax Live show. This time, it looks at a sport that is somehow part of the X Games.

The movie is RAD, made in 1986, and basically No Defeat, No Surrender with bikes. It's about  a paperboy named Cru who rides his BMX bike in really dangerous ways. Still, people want their USA Today. 
Some guys in suits led by Jack Weston come to Cru's town to promote a cool BMX contest and drum up business in the town. He's actually trying to boost his client Bart Taylor, barely portrayed by Bart Connor (yes, the gymnast who did NOT invent Gymkata but got hitched to Nadia Comaneci).

Cru wants to participate, but his mom, who is bitter since her movie career collapsed and got her trapped in this film, insists he work on getting to college.

So, it seems this movie will be about Cru and the hotshot BMX guy...until some hot girl enters the scene. She's played by Lori Loughlin. For some reason she can ride a BMX bike better than anyone. How come SHE's not in the contest? That's a movie.

Anyway, Cru tries to overcome obstacles, like Weston's company changing the rules to keep Cru out, but he gets unexpected help. He also falls for Lori after spending the first act impressing some other girl. You can guess the rest. If only Jean Claude Van Dam could ride a bike.

The movie is typical of the sports-themed movies in the 1980's and it's not THAT bad. Still, if Casablanca isn't safe from Rifftrax, neither is this one. The gang riff a lot about Lori's legal problems and the 80's in general, especially the dancing and fashions. Cru also talked a lot about ass-sliding, which is basically sliding.
They were also impressed Ray Walston got more interesting when Cru gets in trouble with Weston's crew. Ray winds up putting new meaning in the term "talk to the hand". Spicoli would have been stunned. 

What was more surprising that Bill Allen, the star of the movie, was in the Nashville audience. He, unlike Joe Don Baker, could take it. He also had a minor career aside from this movie. In fact, this trivia page from IMDB has some very interesting tidbits about the film.

Before the movie, fans endured two Gumby shorts. They were about a witch who kidnaps them for a very strange reason, and a hidden valley with dinosaurs who are hoping there's a fourth Jurassic World movie. 

OK, riff time:

Cru is in full training costume, including a mask that isn't quite right for fencing
Jason Voorhees' dorkier brother

Lori Loughlin in the credits
She shivved me at the prison shower.

Cru's mom brings in the groceries, played by Talia Shire
(mumbling bitterly) I was in The Godfather

Best way to describe the bike dance Cru and Lori have
Breaking Away and Saturday Night Fever got together, nine months later this movie came out. 

Then they kiss
Kissing, it's like ass-sliding with your mouth

Bart,  the hot-shot BMX biker, tries to look cool
Yeah, my haircut's really terrible.

Lori:  I thought you were a man
Mike:  No, you didn't

There's also riffs on Tilda Swinton, Footloose, Chicago Bears, Happy Days and Tik Tok.

The pre-show slides (with the usual comedy music) were better than usual. One predicted a Hallmark Channel movie called Hack Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, and that might work. Saving Christmas via stealing back money another company stole? OK!

The VOD should be available in October or November. Get more riffs at rifftrax.com

The Mads Re-Accuse A MST3K Favorite

 

Every once in a while, The Original Mads (Trace Beaulieu and TV's Frank Conniff) revisit an old experiment from the MST3K days. In each case, the second look is always different. Manos was in 4K, and still looked a little dingy. The Brain That Wouldn't Die didn't have the mad scientist search for a new body and target a stripper. Teenagers from Outer Space had the original open, where someone sees something from a telescope. This is before the alien teens land to turn Earth into a Golden Corral for Gargens.

Just recently, the show took a second look of I Accuse My Parents. This is about a dumb teen named Jimmy with neglective parents. He meets a singer named Kitty at a shoe store and somehow lands into a life of crime thanks to her jealous boyfriend. He runs away and tries to rob a diner. Instead, the owner gives Jimmy a job. Since this is a dumb B movie from nearly 80 years ago, Jimmy gets a happy ending instead of ten to twenty in the hole. 

While the original version from 1993 emphasized how dumb the kid was, despite winning an essay contest, the new version was loaded with jokes about current events. It was like a typical late night TV monologue people can't have anymore because of the GREEDY SONS OF....anyway....
That being said, this version removed two songs from Kitty but added details about why she can't be with Jimmy. The variety of riffs was also impressive, including one about a movie some may have forgotten.

OK, let's compare:

Jimmy is about to accuse his parents, but he wants to admit:

Mads:  I like Barbie more than Oppenheimer
MST:  I'm Esther Rolle

Jimmy goes home:

Mads: It's the set of Really Drunk History
MST:  Mom's invited Joe E. Lewis again

Jimmy kisses Kitty:

MST:  This is one successful shoe salesman.
Mads:  I have to admit this Hunter Biden video is very disturbing

"Are you happy in your work?"
Mads:  Do you sing like Captain Kirk?

Kitty breaks up with Jimmy to "save" him 
"But you'll always be a shoe salesman at 25 a week"
MST:  18 after taxes
Mads:  That's better money than writing for a streaming show. 

Jimmy finally winds up his story

MST:  Maybe they should have sworn him in
Mads:  My point is, I'm white, so the justice system must favor me. 

There's other riffs on Trump, Star Trek thinking a musical episode was a good idea, Walter Brennan, William Burroughs and Shakespeare.
It should be interesting if anyone tries to merge both versions and get the complete movie, even if the riffers get mixed up. 
It's available now at the Dumb Industries website, along with other episodes of The Mads Are Back. Each episode is $11.99, but some are available at a discount.