Well, it is now official, more than a year after Kinga Forrester imposed the Gauntlet on Jonah Heston, Crow and Servo. What she expected, no one knows, because she clearly forgot when Clayton Forrester tried to show people 30 hours of the show in a row and nothing much happened.
Netflix has decided not to make a third series of Mystery Science Theater 3000. That was confirmed was Joel Hodgson in his latest Revival League e-mail. There were rumblings about it for a while, including Facebook and Reddit. Some have also pointed out the show's last season on Comedy Central was six shows. Well, it turns out they were right.
Apparently, Netflix prefers making movies that might win Academy Awards than show a guy and two robots be movie critics for 90 minutes.
Then again, it also doesn't think it needs Marvel. That'll backfire.
So, I was thinking, how would Kinga respond to the news?
It could be this....
Kinga and Max are on Moon 13, plotting their next movie against Jonah, as soon as he gets back from last year's live tour.
"You'd think they'd be back by now," Max would say. "Synthia wouldn't double cross us, would she?"
"She better not," Kinga could say. "She's Pearl's clone...and suddenly I'm worried because I don't think Pearl respects me as she should. I mean, she's gone to the enemy...Rifftrax! Sure, she's good with her friend Bridget but that means she's with Nelson. AHHHH!"
She hits Max, of course, but he pokes her back.
"Look, hitting me changes nothing," Max says. "Surely Netflix will give us another series. They wouldn't throw us away. Since they dumped Marvel, they have nothing...except Stranger Things, Atypical, Adam Sandler movies that aren't embarrassing, that sci-fi mob movie..."
"What?"
"The Irishman. Any movie that makes Robert DeNiro younger is sci-fi"
"Well, if it's a movie that's not only longer than Endgame but better, you have to hand it to them...especially with the first scene DeNiro has with Pesci. Now THAT's special effects."
Then the Deep Hurting ship shows up. Kinga meets it along with some Boneheads and Max.
"FINALLY," Kinga bellows. "Get the tubes ready. The Deep Hurting shall resume! Locking us in that second theater didn't trap us for long, and seeing those bad movies gave me ideas for new nightmare-fueled movies. Jonah will be sorry he didn't fake-marry me"
The ship lands, and Kinga says, "Welcome, you doomed, pathetic...."
It's not Jonah. Or the bots.
"Hello, Kinga, remember me?"
"Martha Masters???"
"Yes, Martha Masters, CEO of Gizmonic Institute. As you can see, Synthia is with me."
"Hello, Bonehead," Synthia says sweetly with cyanide.
"Boy, some loyal clone you are," Kinga says.
"Hey, I am loyal to my maker, Pearl...sort of," Synthia explains. "You knew I'd double cross you and try to take over the experiment. The second live show tour changed that."
"Indeed," Masters says. "It took a while to track you down after Jonah disappeared a year ago (in storyline terms), but we figured out this was happening in our old Moon base. Jonah visited us when he was in town, and told us about your revival of that dumb experiment that made great TV."
"Yes, it did, and I have created a vast empire. New shows! New fans! Overpriced souvenirs sold in two live tours! Live tours!! SWAG!!! Comedy Central and SyFy never bothered with that...or Rifftrax."
"All right," Masters said. "I'll give you that, but cloning?"
"Hey, that was Grandma Pearl..."
"Kinga, you do know you're not really Dr. Clayton Forrester's daughter."
"NO! I am Dr. Forrester's child!"
"ADOPTED!"
"YES!!", Kinga admitted. "That counts, right?"
"Yeah, but you know you're not that much like him. For one thing, your hair's too good. And 'nightmare-fueled world' is so cliche. A more apt description is 'cheap and pathetic' for these movies."
"Well, I tried. I even stole ideas from Jonah for the Invention Exchange. That's what the old Mads did. By the way, they're buried on Mearth."
"Actually, they faked their deaths and are atoning by mocking movies nationwide but not California for some reason," Masters revealed. "They also have a podcast"
"So that story Dr. Erhardt said was a lie?", Kinga says. "I'm crushed."
"Well, maybe he wanted to show he was alive after all. He doesn't like being a forgotten henchman"
"Uh, speaking of forgotten henchmen.." Max says.
"Oh, Max Frank,or whatever your name is." Masters says.
"It's TV's Son of TV's Frank, actually."
"Really. Is that what it says on your birth certificate?"
"It should. I mean, it exists...unless Dad is hiding something from me."
"Well," Masters says, "I'm sure you are Frank's son. He must have gotten lucky once in his Soultaker days."
She also looks at him looking a bit too longingly at Kinga "Still have lousy taste in women, I see."
"Hey, Kinga's my bae"
"I AM NOT!"
"Well, I care about you, a lot more than Neville, that space magician."
"Man, he was a big dud as a date. FTW, K, my ass!," Masters grumbles.
"Gee, talk about..."
"QUIET! Anyway, aside from wanting to put you all in chains," Masters says, "I'm here to say Netflix has pulled the plug on MST3K."
"DAMMIT!!!", Kinga yells as she tries to hit everyone before Max and a couple of the Boneheads restrain her. "First Comedy Central, now this."
"I know," Masters says, "It was great to have people talk about Gizmonics again. However, that doesn't mean it's all over. It's not 1999. There are other options."
"Yes!," Kinga says, "We can kidnap someone else, blackmail Twitch or HBO Max to carry us, offer same-day delivery to Amazon Prime members..."
"How?"
"Satellite of Love, of course."
"Well, there are better options," Masters says. "Also, we have a third live show that apparently includes someone named Mega-Synthia..."
"What?" Synthia asks, "I thought that prototype was destroyed. I mean, a clone of Pearl and me? It's like cloning yourself twice. Icky. Besides, she looked like a member of GLOW, and I don't mean the Netflix show."
"Don't mention Netflix to me again," Kinga says. "I thought they believed in us, that we'd be the bedrock to their service, that without us they would fade away and die. Once again, MST3K gets betrayed by an ungrateful channel, dumped for something sexier."
"Well, at least we didn't get dumped for cheesy animation," Max says.
"Besides, Kinga, Disney Plus will cause more problems for Netflix, if it hasn't already thanks to Yoda Jr.," Synthia says.
"Yeah, their version of Nummy Muffin Cocoa Butter," Max says.
"While the live show continues, everything is on hold, but all you guys are going back to Gizmonic," Masters says.
"Doing what?", Kinga asks.
"Well, you could be the dung scooper for Trumpy"
"Sure, Dr. Donna St. Phibes, future fake boyfriend stealer, would love that", Kinga says. "By the way, where is she?"
"Back at Gizmonic and her zoo," Masters says.
"So, what do you have in store for Max and me?", Kinga asks, trying to look brave but failing.
"You can help us bring back the show," Masters says. "If you got us 20 new shows and some swag, it won't take 18 years to get back."
"Damn right it won't, and I'm sure Max and me will be as evil as ever."
"Well, if it comes to that. Mega-Synthia is pretty popular on the live show."
"Really", Synthia said with some bitterness.
"I can go back to being the rink rat at the New Beverly, now that it's open again," Max says. "I might find some other "nightmare-fueled movies."
"It could be tougher," Masters says, "since there's now money in being insulted."
Bonita, one of the Boneheads, asks, "What about us?"
"Well, you have a band, right?"
"Well, Friendster and his friends. We were supposed to be an army that would overrun the world, but we were better playing weddings and bar mitzvahs."
"Well, that's almost the same thing," Masters says. "I have friends that will get you on the circuit."
Kinga stands there, sad and disappointed. "I thought I was going to get billions from Disney, be a real big shot, laugh at the heaping, sobbing carcass of Grandma Pearl. Instead, I'm on a one-way ticket to Palookaville."
"Hey," Max says, "I'm the movie nut, not you."
"Yeah, well..."
"But Netflix will still run our shows..and we still have the swag that Shout Factory sells for us!"
"Yeah, and who's to say out diabolical plan won't work after all?"
"Wait," Bonita says, "why is a flying boomerang spaceship headed our way?"
They soon find out. A bunch of Australians get off the ship.
"OK, which one of you is Kinga Forrester?", a Hugh Jackman look-a-like asks. "If you think you're going to sink our beloved Australia unless you get ten billion dollars..."
"WAIT A MINUTE!", Kinga says. "First, it proves you saw one of our early live shows..."
"No, I got it from this book that Amazon sold online"
"Oh," she says. "We also sold this on the live shows. This is a script. I'd probably sink myself if I really tried. This is the intro to our riff of Eegah"
"You mean the movie where a caveman battles a six foot hairless warthog?"
"You mean Arch Hall Jr. Yeah, that's him."
"Actually, your new shows were really good, especially the Gauntlet"
"Thank you," Kinga says, "I was hoping it would be painful."
"Well," Not Hugh says, "maybe if you ended with Atlantic Rim instead of Ator..."
"We've gotten that a lot," Max says. "Would you like your book autographed?"
"As long as I'm here..."
Finally, Kinga and Max look at their former base, looking at what might have been.
Bonita approaches them. "Just repeat to yourself, it's just a show..."
"Do you really believe that?", Kinga and Max say.
Bonita weeps. So do Kinga and Max.
"We'll be back," Kinga vows. "If we have to lie, steal, cheat or kill, as God is my witness, next Sunday A.D. will come"
"Or someone will take over," Max says.
"Well, I prefer us," Kinga says.
"So, our dads are doing a podcast, huh?"
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