Real Housewives of Rifftrax Take On Bert I. Gordon's Idea of Noir

 

We've been a bit behind on a lot of things, mainly due to revisiting a Hellmouth and looking for a Slayer's house.

However, we are finally able to comment on Bridget Nelson and Mary Jo Pehl's third attempt to mock an old target of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Two years after Jan in the Pan, they're revisiting Tormented from 1960. This is Bert I. Gordon trying to spread his wings after doing movies about big spiders and bigger guys. It's his idea of a noir-mystery movie with his semi-special effects.  

It stars Richard Carlson (from Minnesota) who plays Tom Stewart, a jazz musician who's trying to get rid of a girlfriend to marry a rich young woman named Meg, He breaks the news to Vi (the ex) at a lighthouse. She refuses to cooperate, and threatens a lawsuit. Then she tumbles over a railing and hangs on with one hand. Tom decides to let her fall after a near-attempt to rescue her. 

Foe the rest of the movie, the ghost of Vi apparently haunts him, although his guilt is slowly driving him nuts, too. He's also bothered by Sandy, Meg's sister (played by Bert's daughter) and a blind landlord. 

Then some boat guy named Nick (played by Joe Turkel, who's had an impressive career) thinks Tom may have knocked off Vi, and blackmails him. Tom kills Nick, but there's a witness.

Usually, Bridget and Mary Jo have a soft spot for Carlson, but they said the young version of him is like an older Arnold Schwarzenegger. They jab on him a bit,  but they're more annoyed by Vi and how she torments him. Since he deliberately didn't save her, that tracks. They also don't know if it's horror or romance. Well, it's not.

Now, let's compare riffs between the two versions:

"Jodi Reding as Vi"
MST: as six?
Rifftrax:  She's missing an "e" and a "d"

"It's Sandy"
MST:  Your little conscience
Rifftrax:  I was cast as the annoying kid

Meg shows up at the lighthouse
MST:  My ten o'clock
Rifftrax:  Oh, thank goodness, a non-dead woman

Tom tries to move on from Vi's ghost
MST:  I'll make your life a living Hell, good night!
Rifftrax:  and that's how you break up with a ghost

"Tom Stewart killed me!"
MST:  Everybody, Tom Stewart killed me!
Rifftrax:  Nobody likes a braggart

Tom kills Nick, who wants to blackmail Tom, but they're not alone
MST:  Jim Henson's Witness Babies
Rifftrax:  Sandy's going to have quite the "What I Did Last Summer" essay 

Sandy confronts Tom
MST:  Sandy's back and she's pissed
Rifftrax:  Jessica Fletcher's Super Early Years

There's also riffs on The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf, Ursula Andress, The She Creature and Die Hard.

Some of the Rifftrax riffs are similar to the original but Bridget comes with a doozy towards the end. Still, the MST version is better because it has more pop references. It also has a good running gag on "Sessions presents" albums, and Tom Servo's "I'm gonna kill me a girlfriend"

Both versions of Tormented are available at the Rifftrax website.