Pain Don't Hurt, But This Movie Does: A Look at Rifftrax's Two Road House Riffs

Earlier this month, Rifftrax re-riffed the first movie in its long history, Road House with Patrick Swayze and Ben Gazarra as a bad guy with the most boring evil name ever.

The riff not only had three guys instead of just Mike Nelson, but also it was a complete overhaul compared to the original riff in 2006. This is why I had to see the movie twice to compare both riffs.

The movie is rather ridiculous. A famous bouncer named Dalton goes from town to town straightening out rowdy bars, but then goes to a bar in Jasper, MO where he has to deal with Terry Funk. Then he deals with the local evil rich guy who wants Dalton to leave or else he'll blow up the houses of his friends and kill his doctor girlfriend who apparently has a dress that doubles as a tablecloth. It's a combination of Shane, Animal House, maybe Fists of Fury and No Defeat No Surrender. When you get right down to it, it's a movie where people can see a guy without his shirt and pass it off as character development....and this is years before Matthew McConaughey.

The style of the two riffs is the biggest difference of all. When you hear Mike, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett riff, it's the basic snarkiness that's been part of Rifftrax for years. However, when you hear the original version, it's just Mike delivering his jokes as if he was watching the movie because the Twins game rained out. There's also more use of the famous Disembaudio, who cautions Mike against seeing bare breasts and Swayze's naked butt. There was also a really long "where are they now" monologue during the closing credits, which they don't do anymore.

So, let's get to a few scenes and compare riffs:

First off, Dalton's first appearance

2006:  Feathered hair with a mullet. His hair came out to play
2016:  Behold Sawyze, also called Black Dog, Dancer Dirtiest, ex-President Bodie and
the Horny Ghost.

"You know who that is? Dalton"

2006:  John Dalton, the 19th Century developer of the Atomic Theory?
2016:  Dalton Trumbo?

Gazarra shows up...as Brad Wesley?

2006: You have to irritate an old guy once a day
2016:  When you have a chopper and a Panama hat, you've got every reason to be smug.

The famous "Pain don't hurt" phrase Dalton says to Dr. Clay, played by Kelly Lynch

2006:  Actually by its very definition, it does (what she would say)
2016:  Also, it's French for bread. Wanna make out? (what he would say)

Dalton's tai chi scene

2006:  Clearly he has studies with the great master, Pat Morita
2016:  Relax and be one with the Batusi.

Dalton deals with Wesley's goons who try to cut off the bar's liquor supply

2006:  He's wearing his silk liquor unloading shirt
2016:  He's wearing his fucia fighting blouse.

The original riff had a lot of "Beef, it's what's for dinner" jokes since Sam Elliot was there. The new riff also had riffs on Frozen, Geico, Blossom, Kurt Russell, and Shake Hands With Danger.

You can get both versions of the Road House riff at rifftrax.com. The year should still be pretty active, with riffs on The Walking Dead, Daredevil (the Netflix version) and Jurassic World coming soon. There's also the next live show, taking on Carnival of Souls on October 27th.