The Farce Was Strong With This One: Rifftrax Sinks Rise of Skywalker

This says it all:

C3P-O:  Will this agony ever end?
Mike Nelson:  My review of every Star Wars.

And this comes from a guy who dealt with the Twilight Saga.

This doesn't mean Rifftrax is also the Rian Johnson Fan Club, but the gang really did a number on the final Star Wars movie, Rise of Skywalker. They mocked the story, the characters, the props, everything.
While there have been complaints, and some praising the movie, it's safe to say Mike, Bill and Kevin came up with some real zingers. Be very afraid, Avengers: Endgame

The story is about the attempt to make the First Order the master race of the universe thanks to a cloned Palpatine. Of course, Rey has to be connected, and she is. We find out her real last name, and so does she in a duel with Kylo Ren. There's a bunch of other things that people complained about, like seeing two characters we thought were gone (but forgetting it didn't stop another character around 40 years ago).

This blog will concentrate on what kind of riffs these bitter, bitter men made through the 135 or so minutes of the movie. Again, it's amazing they were that rough. It's as if they were convinced Stephanie Meyer and JJ Abrams were to blame.
Then again, they did throw in a couple of Twilight jokes.
If there's one complaint, it's pointing out Carrie Fisher was in this movie after she died (thanks to CGI, but Catching Fire 2 did the same thing) way too many times, starting with this:

"The dead speak!", from the opening crawl
So I guess Carrie Fisher is in this, too.

Then there were these...

Rey trains as a Jedi, even on a tightrope
The sequel to Man on Wire looks a bit desperate

They get to the Acky Acky Festival
Oh, crap, it's Burning Man

Rey heals an injured sand worm
I have an HMO. Is this off-network?

Then she's alone in the desert.
This is turning into a Calvin Klein perfume ad.

Then she discovers she can release lightning from her fingers in that duel with Kylo Ren
Damn static buildup

Rey corners Zorii Bliss with her Lightsaber
You have the right to resemble the Rocketeer.

Kylo to Rey:  "Your parents were no one"
Chris Lemmon and Frank Stallone? (This makes no sense. Mom should be Sean Young)

Then he holds out his hand to her:
I know those gloves. You framed OJ Simpson

Leia with her dying breath: Ben
Kylo: Hannah? You want me to go back to Brooklyn?

Palpatine:  I am all the Sith
Rey:  and I...
Let the dogs out.

There's also riffs on the NFL, Manchester United, The Masked Singer, Benny Hill, Game of Thrones, Gwar, Death Cab For Cutie and Teri Hatcher.
It also has the best "mike drop" line since The Dark Knight.

Fans can riff every Star Wars movie by getting the mp3's at Rifftrax's website.

What if Mystery Science Theater 3000 Mocked Itself?

Now that "Let's Give Stupidity A Chance" is the national anthem (thanks to how sad the fight against coronavirus has become), fans of MST3K are wondering if and when they'll be another live tour. It's already suggested a new era, with Cambot operator Emily as the new test case, and Mega-Synthia the Angry Tall Mad.

This past weekend's special online event made it official. Emily, Servo, Crow and GPC (Gypsy's new name) gathered to mock a cheesy movie. This time, though, they mocked an episode from the Comedy Channel era called Moon Zero Two (Season one, episode eleven). This was called a space western, although a group of people who wear brown coats would differ. Besides, it was made just after Apollo 11, proof the future ain't what it used to be.

As with late night shows, Emily and the bots riffed at different locations, but were able to merge their efforts fairly well. The only problem was the episode's sound wasn't loud enough, but they were able to squeeze in quite a few riffs in between the ones already there. Here's the show:



If this is the future of MST3K, whether on stage or maybe Shout Factory TV, it looks like Emily will be way too much of a good sport responding to bad movies. It'll force Mega-Synthia to maybe riff a reel herself to see where is the flaw in the experiment.
The flaw, of course, is failing to notice how sharp Emily REALLY is.

Anywho, the movie's about an ex-astronaut who salvages broken tech. He meets a shifty rich guy named Hubbard who wants an asteroid loaded with sapphires to land on the moon so he can profit from it. Meanwhile, a woman's looking for her missing brother, whose mining claim is about to expire. Naturally, they're connected. Making a movie set 50 years in the future is interesting, but the movie doesn't do much with the idea. Using jazz music to mimic a shootout isn't enough.

During the riff, the crew shifts between being in character and themselves, but it was an interesting look at how the cheese is made. Emily asked Joel questions about the episode at a couple of times, especially how the Moon Landing pageant tailed off at the end.
Still, Yvonne Ingrid Freeze should fine tune Mega-Synthia. Staying at full rage won't help, but opening up every once in a while could help...along with a comb. The original Synthia should also show up to look in on her "copy".

Also, it was strange to see the movie with Emily and the bots in boxes on the far right. It would be better, just like Rifftrax, to show them for three minutes, then fade them out, during each "reel".

So, what riffs did they deliver?

The bots look at themselves from 1990
Servo: We haven't aged, have we?

Emily looks at Joel dancing through the opening credits
Even in silhouette, Joel is so very white

Old Servo:  In the future, bras will grow on the moon. Cross my heart
GPC:  And right next door, the training bras are in bloom.

There were also comments on ESPN, MegaBlocks, Barbarella, The Music Man and Mr. Plow.

Emily also had a host segment with the bots, riffing on the wigs of two girls who hang around with Hubbard. It was a nice touch.

Servo is supposed to be Kemp, based on the fact that his forehead is shiny, too.

The show ended with a short called "Circus Day", narrated by a clown who does his own makeup. The short actually was barely four minutes, but the full version can be found here. It has more details about the show and some of the acts. Hopefully, future episodes can include short films, which is something dominated by Rifftrax these days.

This show gave people who didn't make the live show a taste of what they missed, and what they might get sooner or later. It also keeps the dream alive that it'll be back somewhere.
If Mystery Science Theater 3000 has proven anything, it's that Hollywood hasn't learned a thing, and most likely won't.
Thanks to a test case and two bots, at least we can strike back.
That being said, what other first season episode could they take on? Maybe "The Mad Monster" (despite also having to deal with the serials) or "Untamed Youth". Any ideas?