If Only H.G. Wells Saw This Coming...

In 1933, H.G. Wells wrote a book that predicted the future for the next 80 years. It was right about the future from World War II, problems in the Middle East and more. It also discussed how advances in technology could affect the human race and how it can stay human (or if). It lead to an interesting movie three years later....and a terrible one more than forty years after that.

Of course, Mystery Science Theater 3000 had to take on the terrible one. It's The Shape of Things To Come, which was already pummeled by Rifftrax. It was a Canadian attempt to make something that was barely like Star Wars, but a lack of funding, decent acting and real effort made that unlikely. 

Despite this, it extended the show's winning streak of ripping lousy movies a new one. Once again, Emily Marsh shows she is the future of MST3K. The Simulator of Love's version of Crow is getting much better, especially verbally, and that version of Tom Servo is still smooth. Their riffs also get off the rails a bit but wind up being more complex than Jonah's crew. 

A prime example is when Emily is asked what she'd do if she had 45 seconds to live. She says she'd face it with grace, but later admits she'd burn everything down with a flame thrower (which makes sense to the bots).

So, the plot (?):  some budding space dictator named Omos, a role devoured by Jack Palance, wants to take over the Moon after his robots take over Delta 3, the source of a mineral that helps Earthlings live on the Moon (something about ruining the Earth after some robot wars). The only people who can stop him is a Moon Councilman named Caball, his son Jason, his friend Kim and a modified robot named Sparks. They have to steal a spaceship to do it, but that makes it almost like Rogue One, right?

Meanwhile the ex-leader of Delta 3, named Nikki (Carol Lynley), tries to fight Omos off. Sadly, she may have the ideal pant suit but not the weapons. 

Caball and his crew stop off at Earth to fix the ship, and find kids who were victims of the robot war. Then they head to Delta 3, but have to get through a magnetic field that inspires drug jokes and a trip to the Friend Zone for Jason. 

They challenge Omos but it doesn't turn out well...until the least likely person in the cast saves the day. You figure out who. At least Jack gets a defeat that seems slightly embarrassing. 

The host segments were also solid. They have a Friars' Club style roast for Sparks which gets "ruined" by Emily, a podcast devoted to a character from the movie that was seen for five seconds, and an attempt to make the robots able to love. That's risky, because they're worried they'll learn to love the movies. Uh, Roger Corman and Coleman Francis make that impossible. 

The final segments were bizarre, yet interesting. First, Emily and Servo meet Crow-mos, who tries to overpower them with his (or her) long pauses.

   
                                         


Meanwhile, Kinga and Max agree they can rule the universe by doing what Omos tried to do but not screw it up.
OK, but where's their robots? Waverly and Growler won't cut it, as they are investigating the hole in the roof of the Kingadome finally. Say, what if they find some who's not supposed to be there....like Kabahl? Now is the time, right?
     
                                         

Oh, and Max says if they succeed, humans would be obsolete. Isn't that bad?
Well, Kinga says she's not human because "I'm a whole other deal".
Meaning what?  Even she doesn't know.
If she was made from a cell from Clayton Forrester's medical checkup 40 years ago, that would explain a lot. Now is the time for that, too. 

The post-game show discussed the Hobbit, the best puppets, and Jonah wondering if he's was followed to wherever he was broadcasting. Emily also admits she hopes the show will be her ticket to HBO. 
Well, Joel went the other way (HBO to this show) and did fine. 

Now, riff time. We'll compare the MST and Rifftrax versions:

Overhead shot of a smooth part of the Moon
MST:  Moon Pattern Baldness
RT:  That place is just littered with golf balls

Omos:  You mean, what do I really want, Doctor?
MST:  I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
RT:  Please don't say a thorough colonoscopy.

Omos' palace
MST:  Full Metal Jack and the Beanstalk
RT:  Behold the evil of Sauron's down-on-his-luck cousin, Ronron

Omos tries to scare Dr. Caball with a hologram
RT:  And yes, I am currently standing on a Roomba
MST:  Visit scenic Mount Palance

Nikki tries to fight evil robots
MST:  Canadian Public TV presents Seven Brides for Seven Robots
RT:  This is me (Kevin) every time I find a spider in the shower

There's also riffs on EMF, Buck Rogers, eHarmony, Mork and Mindy, Believe It or Not (guess why), Texaco, West Side Story, Baby Shark,  and Marvel movies in general. 

There's also a scene where a robot pushes a button that says "cancel"
Response by Emily:  Meanwhile at Netflix... (Bitter? Sure, they're bitter, but "Meanwhile at HBO Max" also works. 

A new month means a new theme, namely "horror".
The feature movie is Devil Doll on October 14th preceded by a short on the balance beam. Thankfully, it's not as old as you think. 
The main event is the 3D showing of The Mask (pre Jim Carrey) on the 28th. More info at
gizmonic.com

One more thing:  this was the intermission from the show. Just this. Five minutes straight.
Eat your heart out, White Dot. 

Holy Bat-Bikini! MST3K Mocks Mexican Cinema Again

 Before we get to Santo-rita or whoever she is, let's talk about her...
                                      

Yvonne Ingrid Freese is both MegaSynthia and GPC2 on the show, and she is serious, in this mood and what is happening to her now.

It's been revealed she has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis after she had a serious headache recently. This means expensive treatments, and fans and friends have rallied to help her out. She was quite lively in the latest post-game show, but this will be a tough time for her

A GoFundMe account has been made to help out with bills and such, and the response has been astounding after nearly a week. Still, every little bit helps.
So, head to https://gofund.me/6f63df53 and contribute. She just arrived in the MST-Verse. She must be  with us for a long time!

OK, now the review...

Say, who is that masked girl?
Well, someone thought turning Bruce Wayne into a sexy socialite who fights crime and wrestles on the side would be a great idea....if no one notices.
After all, Jerry Warren got in trouble with his own Batwoman movie just a year before. First, she had a bat tattoo on top of her cleavage. The story was terrible, and it had a chunk of Mole People. 

Well, seeing a sexy but unauthorized masked heroine to offset the dozens of Santo movies per year is easier to take. However, the story and really talky scenes takes a lot out of it.
It's the latest edition of Mystery Science Theater 3000's 13th season, where Synthia is the substitute Mad while these two go on a road trip to the Bubonic Plague via the Time Bag. We could think of a better road, like accidentally ruining their pasts, but maybe that's coming soon.

While Max is in charge, it's Synthia who is the boss. She just discovered MegaSynthia has become an obnoxious teenager. Her Invention Exchange isn't that impressive.

Now, the movie...

                                          Batwoman thought this was going to be a casual autopsy.

Some wrestlers have been missing with their pineal glands being drained. After they rule out a bitter woman who loves booze more than her jerk of a scientist husband, an agent called Mario suggests asking the Batwoman to help. She's hard to describe with words, but showing her shooting a gun, modeling a mink and wrestling somehow helps. 

The bad guy is some crazy scientist named Williams, who wants to make gill men to rule the seas. He won't be one himself, like some other guy, but he'll do it.

And this is his boat. What does THIS make you do?

                                                            Cada pais tiene el monstruo

From here, it's basically talky scenes, some wrestling, some underwater footage, and the Batwoman running with sexy results. There's a decent fight scene or two, thanks to her stunt double.

                                               
                                                                       HI-KEE-BAT!

Then there are scenes Emily and her bots would rather not see...like a bunch of stinky men standing around.

Eventually, the evil doc decides to capture Batwoman to make her a mother of a mutant species. Of course, she'll need help from her agent pal Mario. Remember, this was made in Mexico in 1967. The last thing male movie fans need is seeing a strong and confident female version of Santo or Blue Demon. The movie makes sure that she still needs a man even if she is the main hero.
Hey, America was the same. Look what we did to Honey West and the Girl from UNCLE...but thankfully failed to do to Emma Peel. 

Eventually, she wins, by tricking one of the Gill Men to attack the doc. 

                                           You were working as a waitress at a cocktail bar....

Still, the movie has to mock her at the end. This never happens to the Wrestling Women against the Aztec Mummy (yes, that's real).

The host segments nearly steal the show. First, Emily (who's not tied to anything) has to deal with Bot Scientists who want to mutate her. Maybe because they found out she's two percent bot.
Still, she's interested in being part Red Panda.

Then, some billionaire vigilantes (not Tony Stark) talk about how they should use their money

The best one was the Batwoman franchise scam, complete with fake Batwoman certificate and costume...

Who'd fall for that, and does this mean Mega's the new Max?

Speaking of which, how did Max do as the "boss"?
It's burning coffee shop time.

Don't worry. Kinga won't fire him and try to replace him with Emily. They'll just get to the next lousy movie. Still, doesn't mean it won't be considered (unwisely)...

Other riffs...

Batwoman tries to swim underwater with a propellor
This is Batwoman's side hustle, delivering whale tampons

A beach party with "dancing"
Is the one on the left Elaine (Benes)?

The doctor rants:  "There is an invisible line separating insanity and genius."
The Kanye line

and one more picture (with GPC2)...

                                              She's obviously never heard of Isadora Duncan

There's also riffs on Repo Man, Nintendo, the Ramones, Ford Fiesta, Roger Deakins and the Snorks.

The post-game show with the cast was just as entertaining, with Yvonne trying to deal with rain outside wherever she is. They compared this movie with the Santo one, and which was better. That's a bit unfair, because he has more movies than wrestling women do. They reveal there are a lot of musical jokes. They also get a bit vague about the rest of the season, but it will involve a dragon, some bubble, more GPC2 (maybe next month), and a reunion of some type? 
Does that mean they re-trapped Mike?

In the meantime, the super (?) hero movies continue in Synthia's Selects until the 31st, and may give way to spy movies in September. That'll mean the fake 007 brother, a Mighty Jack, and some type of dragon.

MST3K Takes a Bite Out Of Munchie

 It's been a while since Mystery Science Theater 3000 had a massively TERRIBLE movie to show to Jonah and the bots. We had close ones in the Gauntlet like The Day Time Ended or Mac and Me, but Munchie is.......AHOAAAAAAUGH!

Before the latest edition aired over Memorial Day weekend, Jonah Ray, Felicia Day, Emily Marsh and others commented on writing for this "movie" and how it broke them. Even the MST3K crew tried to refuse to see act two, but Kinga had the oxygen button. It also showed the robots didn't care about that for obvious reasons. After act two, it was just another day in Hell for them. 

Before we get to the movie, fans are noticing more changes. The full show has the official version of the episode (with ads by Pearl and Pearl II aka Synthia), followed by a trailer for the next episode and the post-game show (in this case, a meeting of Munchie Anonymous). Now, there's also a shortened version that people can watch before the live premiere. This is a first, with people getting a chance to get a jump on the deep hurting.

Also, MegaSynthia (Yvonne Freeze) finally got face time, along with Donna St. Phibes (Deanna Rooney, wife of Jonah). Pearl still seems to be determined to be a better grandma to Kinga, OR ELSE. No doubt Kahbal (that's his real name) may find himself in the middle, but he did improve the show with a second host.

So....the movie.
Actually, turnout for this was fine considering it faced competition from Obi-Wan, Stranger Things 4, and the new Top Gun movie
BUT, blame Roger Corman for this kiddie horror show. It's about a kid named Gage who's having problems at school. He's been bullied, has bad grades (only because he's been the new kid for two months), wishes he was dead (complete with a terrible funeral with worse mourning) and can't get the attention of a pretty girl played by Love Hewitt (a few years before she bought a slightly used Jennifer). 

Gage finds a box with something inside that sounds like Dom Deluise...and it's horrifying.

                                  

Anyway, this...thing...claims he'll solve Gage's problems. It does, kind of. At least Gage gets some revenge against his bullies and attention from his crush. Sadly, though, it causes more problems at school and even with his mom, played by Loni Anderson. Some guy is trying to marry her, but his approach is terrible. He's also a scientist, but this movie doesn't show that.
There's also a neighbor played by Arte Johnson, sounding like his German character on Laugh-In. 

The script is terrible. There are some ways you can salvage a decent story here, but it was clearly edited by a blender. Why not have the sleazy doc be suspicious about Munchie sooner and attempt experiments on it, or the German guy be an expert in Munchie's kind and try to keep him under control. 
How about proof Gage has a dad? Well, since this is a kid's movie, that was unimportant.
Corman thought Loni's cleavage, Dom's voice and badly used cliches were enough. He clearly lost a bit after Avalanche. 
Not only that, the puppet was terrible. It was more badly dubbed than an El Santo movie. 

The riffing was not bad, but the gang had problems fitting them in. 

Gage daydreams he gets an award for fractions
Cue the bucket filled with pig's blood

Loni comes home with her boyfriend
Loni Anderson has that Real Estate Agent from Dallas look

Munchie is laying in Gage's bedroom
What have to done with Teddy Ruxpin?

Sleazy boyfriend tells Loni "What he (Gage) needs in a man's influence
Know any?

The gang turns on the movie...as it should...because of a pointless chase scene
I wish this movie was gone in 60 seconds.

There's also riffs on The Beatles, Harry Potter, Judy Tenuda, Sparks (the band) and escape rooms.

Back to the show, it featured a pretty good invention exchange about an environmentally-safe rock band complete with a guitar that repairs itself (sound familiar, Joel?). Dr. St. Phibes also talked about how the Munchie may be a movie-monster mutant variant, but the one she has looks like a Mutant Alvin.
 

Trying to pummel bad family movies is not easy. There were two examples two seasons back. Taking on Munchie was a noble effort, and they did their best. It didn't have as much snap as the previous three movies. Still, a lot of fans liked the riffs and how the deep hurting flowed. The new season has proven MST3K is back in a big way, and maybe it'll get a lot of business from newbies and lapsed fans who have been in Rifftrax Land for a while. 

By the way, the show had a short bit with Emily thinking her Crow was dead. Let's say she wasn't happy with what was really going on. The post-game support group included comments on whether Munchie was the worst, or there's something...else. 

The show will have two movies in June, including a movie tries to be Marvel without the proper rights, and a horror movie whose budget is about 30 cents higher than Lycan Colony. YIKES!

Learn more at gizmoplex.com.

Is 2022 The Year of the Big Riff? Here's Why

 As Spring is about to come in 2022, the two Riffing Super-Powers are about to dominate our souls. 

Rifftrax, which has been mocking movies for 15(!) years, has a new Kickstarter campaign, but it's only one movie instead of two of three. Yes, we can blame COVID for this. Either than, or getting terrible movies to humiliate is getting tougher every day.

In any case, this is the next target:

Yep, someone brought their evil there, and Mike, Bill and Kevin have to respond.

This is the follow-up to the DC Comics series featuring a scientist who becomes a swamp creature and provides programming for independent channels and the USA Network.

The first movie featured his origin story and a topless Adrienne Barbeau. Here, both Swamp Thing and the guy he thought he killed, Dr. Arcane, are back. Heather Locklear is now part of things as Arcane's niece, who of course falls for the mean green hero. She has to avoid being the latest evil experiment, and some new monsters called UnMen (a term that would be a lousy way to describe women or anyone who really wants lefty things like easier voter registration and like that).

This is actually putting Rifftrax Live at a level between Anaconda and, well, Hobgoblins. It's actually a step up compared to what they've had to work worth in the past couple of years. 

The only disappointing thing is that we have only one Rifftrax Live show instead of at least two movies. Let's chalk this up as a transitional year, followed by a full slate (if you call two movies a full slate) next year. We have this from one of the organizers, Erik Peterson. Actually, he has a point:

Yeah, because we're not back to 100% normality yet, and for the safety of our fans and crew, we're playing it safe this year and focusing on producing one fantastic show. We do have some other fun things in store, but it's pretty unlikely that we'll be able to add another live event at this time

Anyway, the usual goal is 250 thousand has been reached in 19 hours. The real feature will be the stretch goals, including more cheap short films, VOD titles or mp3 tracks, This would be a good idea to offer a "Just the Jokes" version of It's a Wonderful Life. We deserve to mock Jimmy Stewart for refusing to accept the idea of a multiverse.
Heck, let's go after The Batman in six or seven months. That'll be perfect for Halloween.

The link to the latest Rifftrax project is right here. Still, let's make it official..

Meanwhile, at Mystery Science Theater 3000, the new season aka "Screw You, Nexflix, and your Oscar nominations, too" is almost here. They start the new independent era Friday with El Santo and the Treasure of Dracula.

Basically, it's the wrestling star against the vampire women he didn't get to kill a few years before, plus Dracula. It's also in color.
The "tickets" to all of the shows, including shorts, can be found here. The home page is here, with "previews" of the new season. As you notice, they're actually going to take on Manos again just after Saint Patrick's Day, but add a post-game show. They'll have a show every two weeks through early 2023. In fact, all shows will have discussion at the end, mainly how were these movies or shorts allowed to exist. Take that, Talking Dead.

The codes for the Gizmoplex passes are also out, and for the most part are working well. That includes "vault codes" where people can see six shows per month. 

The show also has a very popular comments section. You can join at https://forums.mst3k.com/. You can literally talk about other things aside from MST.