Enter Santa's Village of Madness...if you dare

Tired of cheesy Christmas movies that always feature a man and a woman falling in love for the flimsiest of reasons, Mrs. Santa Claus running away to help a family down on its luck, or the 78th knockoff of A Christmas Carol?

Rifftrax has the answer: a new VOD holiday offering called Santa's Village of Madness. It's a trio of demented holiday shorts from K. Gordon Murray, the man who turned a cheesy Mexican kids' movie called Santa Claus into an even cheesier holiday favorite during the 1960's. The YouTube sample is gone, but here's a link to the Rifftrax site to see a piece of this DVD.

If you somehow survived Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny and the Magic Christmas Tree, they still don't prepare you for this offering. According to these three shorts, which have the exact same opening credits except for the titles, Santa lives in a village that includes elves that look like Stanford co-eds, a wolf with a weird nose that also has legs that sound like accordions, a stinky skunk, Puss n Boots as head of security, and Merlin, who helps Santa get around the world on Christmas even through the Fifth Dimension (although I don't understand how Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr. are involved in this).
Google those names, then that joke works.

Basically, K. Gordon filmed about eight minutes of footage from Santa's Villages in Illinois and California, then recycled some footage from Santa Claus, to make the three shorts. Elementary school pageants have more production values than these shorts.

The first short, Santa's Enchanted Village, features Ferocious Wolf (the one with accordion legs) looking for Stinky, who's supposed to be making toys and such. Stinky is found at a puppet show, and drives some of the audience away with his smell. Then the wolf shows up and yells at Stinky, which is more interesting than the puppet show. All Santa does is wander around with two reindeer. We get riffs on Torgo, Zapruder, Pink and GWAR, while we get new lyrics to an old favorite ("We are Santa's elves, we are stuck in Hell....")

Part two, Santa and His Helpers, is even cheesier. Half of it is recycled footage from Santa Claus, including some parts that didn't get riffed in the MST3K version. The other half is Ferocious Wolf, Puss n Boots and Stinky getting into some pointless argument. Santa has to break it up thanks to the "Moonflower" that gets him there. It ends with Puss with a sword telling the wolf and the skunk to march.  The Rifftrax crew is shocked to see the Ice Cream Bunny there, driving a train. Also, how come Santa is in his home in the clouds peeking at his village below? When you're a six-year-old watching this in 1965, you just look at the toys and don't ask any questions.

The third short, Santa's Magic Kingdom, at least has something that is almost a plot: Santa's threatened by an ogre we don't really see (although it's described as "Gumby and Pokey mated").
It starts as a tour of a "Santa's Village", although Santa looks a little too waxy. Puss n Boots, whose face is compared to a squid's anus, is told by the Fairy Queen that an ogre is coming. The whole kingdom, including Mrs. Santa, Stinky, the elves and Ferocious Wolf, get involved. Merlin saves the day...somehow..then it ends with a song from the Fairy Queen that would have also killed the ogre. The riffs here are surprisingly up-to-date, especially against Daniel Day Lewis and the new Jack Reacher movie, but also include a callback to one of the last MST3K movies.

In between these shorts, Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett share Christmas memories that are...well...a bit disturbing. Still, you see why they bring us holiday movies that even the Hallmark Channel wouldn't show.

At five bucks, this 45 minute feature is a good deal. It's also a great appetizer to Rifftrax's next big target, The Avengers. That's coming December 27th. Learn more about Santa's Village of Madness, and other holiday fare (even one for Labor Day, maybe) at rifftrax.com

The NFL's Version of the JFK Conspiracy..or Miracle at Lourdes

This Sunday will be the 40th anniversary of  either the greatest miracle ever, or the biggest crime against humanity.
It all depends on where you live.

The NFL Network's decision to honor the Immaculate Reception in A Football Life was a stroke of genius. Any show can honor a player who changed the game forever. This show honored a play that changed two franchises for some time.
It finally made the Pittsburgh Steelers a winner, and started their road to four Super Bowls in the 1970's and 1980s
It also made the Oakland Raiders very angry...to this day. Forget the fact they won several Super Bowls since that notorious play. They still say they were robbed.

The special shows that famous play, where Terry Bradshaw tosses a Hail Mary pass that hits either/or Jack Tatum and Frenchy Fuqua before it's caught by Franco Harris and carried in for a touchdown and a 13-7 win. I was 13 in San Jose, watching that game, and I couldn't believe it either. It spoiled what looked like a legendary comeback by Ken Stabler. Thanks, Terry.

We hear from Bradshaw, Fuqua and Harris, and see how it changed their lives. There's even a statue of Harris catching the ball at Pittsburgh's airport and a museum that shows the play several times a day. To this day, fans ask him if he really caught that ball. Coach John Madden is shown still upset over that play many years later. He even declined to be part of this episode.

The Raiders have their case, like maybe the NFL hates them. The episode lists all the conpsiracy theories, from Harris not really catching the ball to referees afraid they'd be attacked by Steelers fans if they reversed themselves. They added a new theory: the Steelers got away with a clipping penalty. Raymond Chester even claims Fuqua admitted the ball hit him first, which would have nullified the catch back then (although it's a legal play under current rules).

The play is even discussed by a college professor and a former director...of the CIA!

It's also interesting how the play has kicked off several side industries, even though it took a while for the famous nickname to catch on. The man who currently owns the ball from that game has it safely locked in a big vault, and it's taken to events under armed guard. Not even the ball Dwight Clark caught back in 1982 has such attention--or the play itself for that matter. He doesn't have a statue, even though that catch made as much impact on the 49ers as Harris' catch did for the Steelers.

The reason is simple. We know Clark made that catch. Everyone does. There are still some people, meanwhile, who still say the Immaculate Reception is more fraud than miracle, and nothing short of a TARDIS will change that. That's why A Football Life devoted an episode to that play. Maybe next season, we'll look at the Music City Miracle (still disputed by Buffalo Bills fans), or the "Tuck Rule Game" that also launched a New England dynasty at the expense of...yes, Oakland.

You can see the play itself, and a lot more, at the NFL Network site.

Will Megabus Send Greyhound To The Pound?

Too good to be true? Not if you know how to order tickets, and when.

For a long time, Greyhound was the only way to go to San Francisco directly if your car is in the shop. Direct train service isn't possible, which is why Amtrak offers a bus shuttle from Emeryville.

Now a new company called Megabus is offering a cheaper alternative, with service from Old Town Sacramento to the CalTrain station a block away from AT&T Park. That means it will get a lot of use next spring.

For the heck of it, I decided to give it a try yesterday. For just two dollars, I can enjoy a day-long walk all around town to see some Christmas sights you can't find in Sacramento. My Flickr section has some nice outdoor trees, a foggy Golden Gate Bridge, and a bunch of Santas gathering to fight HIV. They were offering one dollar tickets for its first week in service. The price will go up, but not too much compared to Greyhound.

While Greyhound has many more buses for its service to San Francisco, plus its own bus station, Megabus does its service online with no need for ticket takers. It's just like waiting for a regular bus.If you don't mind a few things, it's worth the ride.

The inside is pretty impressive, too:

It's a modern double-decker bus, which means more passengers per trip. The seats recline and have seat belts. That should make more people feel safe.
The lower section has two tables to accommodate four people. That's ideal for families. It also had electrical plugs on the top, which means you can keep your phone, computer or iPod juiced while surfing the net or calling someone. I preferred using the upper deck seats  because it was easier to use the plugs. The wi-fi is free, and it works for web surfing. It doesn't work for YouTube, but that was also the case when I used wi-fi on the Capitol Corridor

You also notice there's a TV screen. That's mainly used for the pre-ride instructions, but I wish it could be used for DVD movies for those longer trips. I remember using a private bus service who included a movie in the trip...and this was way back in the VHS days. Maybe in the future, they could throw in DirecTV.

The ride itself was very smooth, and more efficient than Greyhound. That's because it's a direct route, and the buses are just better.

Megabus was in California a few years ago, but it didn't work out. Once it did catch on in several parts of the nation, they gave the Golden State another chance. There's direct service from San Francisco to Los Angeles, SF to Sacramento, and San Jose to Los Angeles. There's also service between Riverside and Las Vegas. As I said, I may use the San Francisco service a lot more often than I would with Greyhound. It just depends on when I'll need it, and if I can use it. Maybe it will get Greyhound to improve its bus fleet, and maybe offer a discount or two. We'll see.

Incognito Cartoon Warriors

Mocking bad movies is one of America's fastest growing industries. After Mystery Science Theater 3000, it looks like anyone can mock bad movies, but very few can do it well.

So what's left? How about a spoof of kids TV where some puppets mock cartoons?
Done! This was plugged in recent editions of Incognito Cinema Warriors XP, but Captain Cornelius Cartoon's Cartoon Lagoon is a nice salute to cartoons, both good and cheesy. It features the good Captain in his sub, the Manta Ray, sailing under the sea to retrieve classic cartoons. He's joined by Wet Willy Jones, Axel Magee and Franky Planky, who's a real stiff (because he's a piece of wood). In the main story, the crew tries to celebrate Axel's birthday, but he's a little too depressed. In between the birthday party, they mock three cartoons with nearly as much skill as MST3K.

The first one has Casper the Friendly Ghost on the Moon, where he freaks out the natives and battles evil tree people. The crew makes jokes about Nicole Ritchie, Richard Belzer and Silence of the Lambs, and debate whether Casper's a boy or a girl.

Then they see a Captain Nemo cartoon ("starring blond David Hasslehoff") that's a little too educational. It was made in the 70's, which may explain a lot. Then they see a Popeye cartoon that apparently makes Axel happy. It's the one where Bluto pulls several pranks at Popeye, while Olive Oyl enjoys seeing Popeye being humiliated. It was made in 1954, when these cartoons went downhill anyway. Lots of jokes about Michael Bay, Two and a Half Men, Shelley Duvall and Ted Danson.

However, there's more, The DVD includes a "revue" of classic cartoons including Superman, Felix the Cat, Woody Woodpecker and even one made by special effects pioneer Ray Harryhausen. Mixed into this section are several commercial spoofs, original animation, music from the Gregory Brothers, and an interview with Fairly Oddparents creator Butch Hartman that doesn't go anywhere. Not to worry, because there's a real interview with Hartman plus loads of outtakes.

This is a pretty good value for fans of movie riffing, and cartoons in general. It's made by Cartoon Lagoon Studios, and the DVD is available at Amazon.

Note: This was also featured in the New York Television Festival.

Is This A Valuable NHL Artifact?

I looked at recent stories about people buying valuable art at Goodwill stores. The most recent example was someone who bought a picture called "Red Nose" at a Goodwill store in Milwaukee for 12 bucks. The buyer thought it was an abstract salute to Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. It was actually an Alexander Calder lithograph worth 9000 dollars. Normally, Goodwill staff members try to spot art treasures that get donated, and sell them for their special programs. But sometimes....

This got me thinking...how much is this worth?

This is a picture of an NHL matchup between the Colorado Rockies (now the New Jersey Devils) vs. the Philadelphia Flyers at the old McNichols Arena in Denver from January 1981. So?

Notice what's on the lower right side of the picture...

 

That's right: Don Cherry, who was coach of the Rockies back then after being fired from Boston. There's even a picture of Cherry with his faithful dog, Blue.

 

 

According to the label on the back, Colorado won 8-6.
Anyway, I tried to sell this to a collector, but he didn't take it. So, I'm making this blog to see if anyone is interested in this. In any case, at least I want to shoe that it exists, All I know if that the photo was taken by Dan Griest, who apparently won some photo awards.

I got this at a Salvation Army store six years ago for 22 bucks. The picture has never been taken from its frame, so this is not a fake.

So, any takers?