Kinga's Revenge: MST3K's Christmas Gauntlet

In the not too distant future...maybe sometime before Christmas...

Kinga and Max want to get revenge on Jonah for locking them into that other theater he made for them after the Gauntlet, so they'd know what it's like to riff bad movies.
Sure, they were able to get out after an hour thanks to the Boneheads' safe-cracker skills, but were also surprised what movies were riffed. Then, they willingly saw all those movies while the tour was going on.
Sure, Max was a good riffer and Kinga learned she could do it, too.
Still, they're crazy movie tormentors, and they just had to strike back...especially her.

"Time for a little payback, Jonah," Kinga announces from Moon 13 to Jonah, Crow and Servo at the Satellite of Love one day in December. "Behold the CHRISTMAS GAUNTLET!!! Six examples of cinematic horror for the holidays, and there is no..."
"Wait," Jonah says, "we only have three Christmas movies in MST's history, four if you count 'Jack Frost'"
"Well, I don't," Kinga grunted. "It's a dumb winter Cinderella story."
Hands on hips, with hair bones sharper than her mind, she wonders how she can have a gauntlet with three movies.
Then Synthia shows up. "You know," she tells Kinga, "we could steal from the library of our arch enemies."
"Don't say the R word, I keep telling you that," Kinga yells. "I hate those guys over there, Nelson, his fat friends and chirpy wife, Granny Pearl working over there, too. OK, look over what they have, and give me a list. We've done that the past two years, so what's the difference?"
"Will do."
"I'll deck your halls with nightmare-filled boughs of horror, Heston. You'll pray for death via Yule Log!" You'll beg for Hallmark Channel movies! YOU'LL KNOW DEEP HOLIDAY HURTING!!!", as Kinga leaves laughing maniacally.
"Yes, Heston," Synthia says, "you'll suffer. Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...OK, she's gone."
Jonah is puzzled, "Synthia, whose side are you on?"
"My side, of course. I am Pearl 2.0, when I want to be."
"What are you saying?", Servo asks.
"Well, we'll give Kinga her Gauntlet, but you can help out. You know plenty about MST's history, and I know a lot about Rifftrax. We can come up with a list that'll please Evil Pebbles over there, but don't let on. We are still tour buddies, after all."
"Thanks, tour buddy," Crow says.
"OK," Synthia says, "but let's make sure it seems evil"
"That may not be a problem," Jonah says. "I think Rifftrax has holiday movies about as creepy as the ones we've seen."

With that, Kinga got two Gauntlets, the one she gave Jonah, Crow and Servo, and the second one after the first one didn't cause enough harm.

1. Santa Claus (MST Version)

This was the first exposure for most to a Mexican movie that features Santa, who doesn't play a big part in the holiday season down there. Still, it's an odd look on how he prepares for Christmas Eve with kids instead of elves, and his showdown with Pitch, a devil that's a bit too greasy. Santa hopes to bring a doll to a poor little girl, and teach the parents of a rich boy that Christmas should include their son. The host segments include a nice holiday song, the famous JOIKE sweater and a family reunion that doesn't work out

2. Rifftrax Christmas Shorts-stravaganza

This holiday treat from 2009 was the first big theater event that led to its ten-year run of riffing movies nationwide. It includes some strange holiday shorts, including Christmas from the point of view of the tree, and a pre-Rankin/Bass version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. This includes Kevin's famous flub that derailed the riff and made it better.

3. Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, Rifftrax (Thumbelina version)

If there's a holiday version of Manos, this is it. We see elves singing while making toys, blissfully unaware Santa's stranded on a hot Florida beach because his reindeer flew away. It's hard to say which is more absurd: his song about his plight, or what the kids try to do to get him off the ground.
Then he stops to tell the story of Thumbelina, as dramatized at a long-forgotten amusement park called Pirates World. This was made by Barry Mahon, who also made some racy movies along with "Rocket Attack USA" (riffed on MST in 1990).
After the story, Santa gets rescued by the not-at-all known Ice Cream Bunny, complete with fire engine. Part of its route is, of course, Pirates World. Santa's Christmas is saved, which may explain why his sleigh disappears at the end. By this time, so has the audience.

4. Christmas That Almost Wasn't (MST3K, 2017)

Of course, the current series should be represented. It's about Santa facing homelessness because he can't pay the rent, and his landlord, Mr. Prune, is meaner than Scrooge. Santa actually has to get a job being, well, himself at a department store, but Prune rigs it so Santa will be without a home. A bunch of kids save the day by stealing the ending of another holiday movie.
The host segments include Kinga being about as un-cheery as you can get. Santa does show up (although he looks suspiciously like Joel Hodgson).

5. Santa's Village of Madness  (Rifftrax, 2014)

This trio of shorts features a bunch of animal mascots who supposedly live with Santa on the North Pole. They were actually part of K. Gordon Murray's kid's movies back in the 1960's. There's a slight connection with the Santa Claus movie Murray imported to the USA.
What's interesting about the shorts is that they have the exact same opening credits. Only the titles are different, if not the plots. They were actually made at Santa's Village parks in the Midwest and Califonia. The third short is maybe the strangest, because the "writers" decided at the last minute to threaten Santa with an ogre that's off-camera. Its defeat is also off-camera but the closing song would have also defeated the ogre because it is THAT painful to hear.

6. Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (MST3K)

The one, the only, the original. As Santa preps for his Christmas ride, some people from Mars want to kidnap him because apparently Christmas cheer is needed there, too, Two kids from Earth get involved, of course, along with a goofy comedy relief named Droppo.
However, it's the host segments that make it a classic, including "Patrick Swayze Christmas"and Joel and the Bots reading essays about Christmas and Gypsy getting the true meaning without a word.

After this Gauntlet dented but didn't defeat Jonah and the Bots, Kinga is about to give them Hallmark Channel movies. However, she's interrupted by a big hulking guy in chains.
"Oh, no, Marley's Ghost has come to....wait, I don't know anyone named Marley," she says. "Donna, is this one of yours?"
"Sorry," Dr. Donna St. Phibes says. "He's Murray from 'The Brain That Wouldn't Die.' You  know, the guy Dr. Cortner was building in his transplant experiments."
"Yes, I remember," Kinga says, "I notice his face is still tied to the back."
"Well, I think he wanted to scare you after seeing the Christmas Carol movie with Alistair Sim."
"Murray also sorry," Murray says (yeah, he can talk now after more than 50 years). "Murray wonders what Kinga got against those guys."
"Hey, it's what I do. Take him away, Donna," Kinga says. "He's the man in your life, not who I suspect you want."
"Oh, what do you mean?", Donna says, obviously being cagey. She leaves, but Kinga seems to hear something from Murray that hints he may be playing dumb, too.
"Well, it seems you're familiar with these movies," Kinga says to Jonah. "So here's another Gauntlet for you guys. I can guarantee you a couple of these selections will give you slightly deep hurting. Some of the others are alternate versions of what you just saw."

The second gauntlet begins with...

1. Santa Claus (Rifftrax Live version)

Kinga thinks Jonah and the bots get an extra jab by showing them the uncut movie, which includes more of Lupita's dream where some Raggedy Anitas try to tempt her into stealing a doll, and a lot of padding that's mainly Merlin trying to walk across the room.
It's preceded by one of those "At Your Fingertips" shorts, where this time kids are advises to mold sugar into many shapes. Basic Diabetes bombs.

2. Bridget and Mary Jo Christmas (Rifftrax)

Kinga wasn't eager to give the guys this selection, but she hopes the shorts will do some damage. Bridget Nelson and Mary Jo Pehl celebrate the holidays in their own special way with holiday images. The first one features a Castle Films version of "Scrooge"with Alistair Sim, Dean Martin singing, and "The Little Lamb" and how it gave Jesus his first gift.
The second version has a short about carving turkey that includes Harvey Korman plus some commercials and home movies given to them from a prop maker named Beez

3. I Believe In Santa Claus (Rifftrax)

When Kinga discovered this 1984 film from France (thanks to Synthia's "help"), she was certain it would be worse than Christmas That Almost Wasn't. She's right, because it's about a young boy who wants his parents to be with him at Christmas. One problem: they've been kidnapped by African terrorists, and the government isn't eager to get them back.
Thanks to the fool-proof method of wishing really hard, the boy along with a young girl wind up in Finland to ask Santa to save them. He also gets a Christmas fairy named Mary Ellen to help him, and she looks suspiciously like the boy's teacher. Santa and Mary Ellen transport themselves to Africa, and they look totally ridiculous in the desert.
Since this is a holiday movie, of course the boy and his family are reunited.

4. Nestor, the Long-Eared Donkey (Rifftrax)

So how did Rifftrax get this holiday special that Kinga is certain she saw when she was young?
Well, it's kind of a variation of the Rudolph story, except it stars a donkey who had very long ears but they come in handy when it helps Mary and Joseph get to Bethlehem for the birth of Jesus. The song was co-written by Gene Autry a couple of years before (same guy who sung "Rudolph"). It aired on ABC back in the '70s and '80s but clips of it can be found in YouTube. You can find it on DVD.
The reason why it may not be seen on TV is because it's kind of dark in the first half, since Nestor is mainly on his own in his journey.

5. Rifftrax Christmas Circus

This was an easy choice for Kinga, after taking one look at Whizzo, the star of the holiday special. It's a filmed version of the TV show he had in the 60's in Kansas City. Rather than try to describe the movie, which somehow involves a magic carpet and a time machine, here's a review.
It's preceded with a short about the short life of Christmas trees, and they have faces!

6. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (Cinematic Titanic)

This is where Kinga starts to suspect she's been tricked by Synthia, who suggested this last movie.
Kinga isn't happy to see Mary Jo riffing in this movie, or Trace and Frank either. She wonders if it's really Pearl, Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank under assumed names. She's also puzzled seeing Dr. Erhardt there, too.
Still, she sends this movie to Jonah, figuring showing him this movie twice, but with different riffs, could throw him off. It doesn't.

When both gauntlets are done, Kinga fumes at Synthia.
"I should have known you would turn against me, Synthia," she says.
"Hey, I'm a clone of Pearl," she says," What did you expect?"
"Working with Jonah, too? C'mon"
"Well, these gauntlets don't really work because fans did these things when we weren't around.
Face it, Kinga, you can keep this experiment going, Netflix willing, but it won't be like the old days."
"Yeah, Synth?", Kinga says, "Tell that to some of the viewers from the old days. I am glad the newbies like us fine."
"Just hope Netflix will still want us, if not Daredevil."
"Well, better Netflix than....that third-rate David Blaine who made a fool of me"
"I know. Merry Christmas."

Kinga calls Jonah, scowls at him for a minute and yells, "BAH HUMBUG!"
"Hey, I apologize for surviving the gauntlets."
"You should! Stay away from Donna, too. She's bad news...for someone.....and....well, I should still say this, Merry Christmas, guys."
"Thank you," Jonah says."Merry Christmas to you too."
"Just remember, you're not getting a happy new year from me. After all, there's always movie sign...
I hope"
After that, she pushed the button.

What Christmas Music Would Be In Star-Lord's Walkman?

This is the first of many attempts to add some holiday cheer to this scene from Guardians of the Galaxy. It's safe to say that people who succeeded in making Li'l Groots for Christmas will add an ornament and a Santa hat. Besides, When part two rolls around in 30 months or so, he'll be Rockefeller Center Christmas tree-size.

The movie shows Peter Quill, aka Star-Lord or maybe Skye's Distant Cousin, owning two cassettes of music that his mom made him. The first became a big seller, while fans got a taste of the second one.
However, what if Mrs. Quill made him a mixtape of Christmas Classics?
If so, I have an idea of what she'd put on that cassette. If the tape was the Phil Spector Christmas album, it would be a winner right there. Still, I've come up with my idea of what the tape could have. As with the other tapes, it must be music before 1980. It does include some songs from holiday specials, also likely from his past.

Little Saint Nick Beach Boys
Santa Claus is Coming to Town  Jackson 5
Rockin Around the Christmas Tree  Brenda Lee
You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch  Thurl Ravenscroft
Run Rudolph Run Chuck Berry
Santa Baby Eartha Kitt
Holly Jolly Christmas Burl Ives
The Little Drummer Boy  Harry Simone Chorus
This Christmas Donny Hathaway
Step Into Christmas  Elton John
Christmas Time Is Here  Vince Guaraldi Trio
White Christmas  Bing Crosby
Feliz Navidad  Jose Feliciano
I Want to Come Home For Christmas  Marvin Gaye
Blue Christmas  Elvis Presley
The Christmas Song  Nat King Cole
Christmas (Please Come Home) Darlene Love
Happy Christmas (War is Over)  John Lennon

This is much bigger than the GoG soundtrack, which has eleven songs. I'll bet Mrs. Quill had a 90-minute Maxell tape that she wanted to use for a special occasion.It's a mix of holiday standards, some Motown, and songs from TV classics.

Of course, iPods and smartphones have made Walkmen a relic of the past, but Quill doesn't know this. If he ever was given an mp3 player, he'd have to take a hard look at his Walkman before giving it up. He'd also have a mixtape that could last for days...like most of us.

Anyone who wants to come up with a better GoG holiday mixtape, please do.

Nestor, the Forgotten Christmas Special

Every Christmas season, TV viewers see the usual characters that generations have grown up with. We see Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in four specials, the Grinch stealing Christmas until he finds out it's a little bit more than gifts, Linus telling Charlie Brown what Christmas is all about, how Santa Claus first came to town, and Frosty the Snowman trying to keep his hat while parents are asking "who's Jimmy Durante?"

ABC Family airs many of these kids specials, mostly from Rankin-Bass, an animation company that was best known for Christmas stories starting with Rudolph in 1964. It's even airing The Little Drummer Boy, a very underrated special, and Pinocchio's Christmas.

However, there is one that no one is showing this year. In fact, it's been years since anyone has shown the story of Nestor, the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey on TV

Nestor who?

In 1977, ABC made a special that might be quite familiar to those who are aware of Rudolph and the problems he had with his shiny red nose before a foggy Christmas Eve helped him go down in history.
That's because Nestor, like Rudolph, is based on a song written by Gene Autry. Thanks to YouTube, here's the song performed by Marty Robbins, with scenes from the special.



Both songs are about animals with an unusual body part. While Rudolph had his nose, Nestor had really long ears. The donkey, however, did have his mom by his side.

One winter day, Roman soliders come to buy donkeys from Olaf. However, they reject Nestor, and take the donkeys without paying Olaf. Nestor gets tossed out of the stable and into the snow by Olaf, but mom escapes. Both are caught in a blizzard, but she tells Nestor that no matter what, he must be brave.

She's forced to protect Nestor from the snow, but sacrifices her life. This is kind of dark for a Christmas special, except this also happened in The Little Drummer Boy nine years before. If you remember, Aaron hated all people because bandits killed his parents, but playing for the Baby Jesus changed his life.

Anyway, Nestor meets up with Tilly, a goofy angel voiced by Brenda Vaccaro. She guides Nestor to Bethlehem, where his ears will actually help someone. It turns out he's the one to helps Mary and Joseph to get to Bethlehem. There's even an epilogue where Nestor actually goes back to Olaf, and he's glad to see him back. No reason why, actually. Apparently this is the equivalent to Rudolph's red nose being celebrated at the end.

While Rudolph had Sam the Snowman (Burl Ives) as the storyteller, Nestor had Spieltote (Roger Miller), who apparently is a direct descendant of Nestor. The special also has connections to other Rankin-Bass productions. One of the camels looks like Joshua from The Little Drummer Boy, while in the final shot we see Rudolph from Rudolph's Shiny New Year along with Mrs. Claus and Jungle and Jangle from The Year Without A Santa Claus. 

While ABC Family may not air Nestor this year, people can see it at YouTube. It's also available as a VOD at Rifftrax's website. Mike Nelson riffs this one solo, and comments on how corny the song is and how Nestor gets treated. However, he sounds a bit upset when he sees how Nestor's mom is killed.

Anyway, with the fact that we have zillions of channels, someone should air Nestor regularly, along with some of the lesser-known Rankin-Bass holiday specials. For example, there's no sign of The Stingiest Man in Town with Walter Matthau or First Christmas: Story of the First Christmas Snow with Angela Lansbury on TV this year. I had said 'Twas the Night Before Christmas wasn't being aired, but ABC Family will have that Christmas Eve morning after all. Good thing, too, because it has an interesting story, along with Joel Grey and George Gobel.
Also, they shouldn't be aired at the crack of dawn (The Little Drummer Boy at 7 AM?) just to say they did. It should be done in the afternoon, when even Mom can be nostalgic over these specials.

Then again, there's also YouTube and DVDs as two handy sources.

Why NBC IS More Blind Than Mr. Magoo

When I learned that NBC will air Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol for the first time in nearly 40 years, I thought this was great. It first aired in Living Color in December 1962. It showed the myopic old man (voiced by Jim Backus)  enjoying success in a Broadway musical version of A Christmas Carol. Of course, it showed him getting into trouble because of his bad eyesight before and after the play. During it, though, Magoo plays Scrooge straight, and goes a fine job as the miserly old man who learns the true spirit of Christmas. It lead to a weekly show, where Magoo played other figures of literature including Dr. Frankenstein, the Count of Monte Cristo and Ishmael from Moby Dick.

Then I remembered that TV in 1962 is very different than what TV is now. I wondered how much of the original show would survive the cuts NBC would impose to fit in more ads. I know that the special used to be shown mostly uncut in syndication in the 1970s, and just the musical on TNT.

Last night's showing was a disaster. They cut out all of the framing device, half of "The Plunderer's March", and the finale reprise of "The Lord's Bright Blessings". They figured that showing the "Christmas Carol" part was enough.
This is just like restoring the Mona Lisa, but her face is missing, or a Model T without wheels... including the steering wheel

Is there any reason behind this, with the expectation that no one will notice?
I suspect there is. Hardly anyone remembers Mr. Magoo, who used to be a cartoon staple in the movies and TV. He won two Academy Awards, for crying out loud! He used to be on NBC for a time. He was even Uncle Sam in another animated special.
Yet the Peacock network probably didn't even promote this special, but they had ads for what followed, the WWE Salute to the Troops. Promoting a show where pro wrestlers are meeting our troops is a good idea. Mr. Magoo, though, deserved better.

Let's not forget one other thing: the composers of the songs, Bob Merrill and Jules Styne, went on to make another musical you may have heard of....Funny Girl!

Thankfully, there is YouTube, which has the uncut version of Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol.



It's also available on DVD, along with other Christmas specials that have been trimmed for extra commercials by short-sighted TV bean-counters.

Enter Santa's Village of Madness...if you dare

Tired of cheesy Christmas movies that always feature a man and a woman falling in love for the flimsiest of reasons, Mrs. Santa Claus running away to help a family down on its luck, or the 78th knockoff of A Christmas Carol?

Rifftrax has the answer: a new VOD holiday offering called Santa's Village of Madness. It's a trio of demented holiday shorts from K. Gordon Murray, the man who turned a cheesy Mexican kids' movie called Santa Claus into an even cheesier holiday favorite during the 1960's. The YouTube sample is gone, but here's a link to the Rifftrax site to see a piece of this DVD.

If you somehow survived Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny and the Magic Christmas Tree, they still don't prepare you for this offering. According to these three shorts, which have the exact same opening credits except for the titles, Santa lives in a village that includes elves that look like Stanford co-eds, a wolf with a weird nose that also has legs that sound like accordions, a stinky skunk, Puss n Boots as head of security, and Merlin, who helps Santa get around the world on Christmas even through the Fifth Dimension (although I don't understand how Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr. are involved in this).
Google those names, then that joke works.

Basically, K. Gordon filmed about eight minutes of footage from Santa's Villages in Illinois and California, then recycled some footage from Santa Claus, to make the three shorts. Elementary school pageants have more production values than these shorts.

The first short, Santa's Enchanted Village, features Ferocious Wolf (the one with accordion legs) looking for Stinky, who's supposed to be making toys and such. Stinky is found at a puppet show, and drives some of the audience away with his smell. Then the wolf shows up and yells at Stinky, which is more interesting than the puppet show. All Santa does is wander around with two reindeer. We get riffs on Torgo, Zapruder, Pink and GWAR, while we get new lyrics to an old favorite ("We are Santa's elves, we are stuck in Hell....")

Part two, Santa and His Helpers, is even cheesier. Half of it is recycled footage from Santa Claus, including some parts that didn't get riffed in the MST3K version. The other half is Ferocious Wolf, Puss n Boots and Stinky getting into some pointless argument. Santa has to break it up thanks to the "Moonflower" that gets him there. It ends with Puss with a sword telling the wolf and the skunk to march.  The Rifftrax crew is shocked to see the Ice Cream Bunny there, driving a train. Also, how come Santa is in his home in the clouds peeking at his village below? When you're a six-year-old watching this in 1965, you just look at the toys and don't ask any questions.

The third short, Santa's Magic Kingdom, at least has something that is almost a plot: Santa's threatened by an ogre we don't really see (although it's described as "Gumby and Pokey mated").
It starts as a tour of a "Santa's Village", although Santa looks a little too waxy. Puss n Boots, whose face is compared to a squid's anus, is told by the Fairy Queen that an ogre is coming. The whole kingdom, including Mrs. Santa, Stinky, the elves and Ferocious Wolf, get involved. Merlin saves the day...somehow..then it ends with a song from the Fairy Queen that would have also killed the ogre. The riffs here are surprisingly up-to-date, especially against Daniel Day Lewis and the new Jack Reacher movie, but also include a callback to one of the last MST3K movies.

In between these shorts, Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett share Christmas memories that are...well...a bit disturbing. Still, you see why they bring us holiday movies that even the Hallmark Channel wouldn't show.

At five bucks, this 45 minute feature is a good deal. It's also a great appetizer to Rifftrax's next big target, The Avengers. That's coming December 27th. Learn more about Santa's Village of Madness, and other holiday fare (even one for Labor Day, maybe) at rifftrax.com

Christmas in Downtown Sacramento Isn't the Same

Time for me to add holiday cheer to my blogs, web page and Twitter page. Before I do that, I took some time to see what Christmas is like in downtown Sacramento.

The recession has already taken a toll on Downtown Plaza. The annual lighting of the traditional tree was cancelled. Instead we have this...



A toy display in front of the former Hard Rock Cafe. If that is not symbolic of hard times in downtown, this is...



A dozen small trees with lights is not the same. We could have just one in my house.

So, it's left to Old Town to bring in the big Christmas cheer. They have a new show called Theater of Lights that happens twice a night from Thursdays to Sundays. It's a bit of Disneyland in Old Town. It's hosted by a guy who says he's Mark Twain.....



He gives a brief history of Old Town, but the highlight is a reading of The Night Before Christmas. The performance I saw on November 27th was actually a hoot. We have Santa with his eight reindeer...



Then he ho-ho-ho'ed just a bit too much, resulting in this...



He should perfect this part of the job in no time, and do it perfectly by Christmas Eve.

There's also the tree as the area's centerpiece. This is a lovely view at sunset.



I also liked this row of trees, with hats instead of angels on top.



So, if you happen to be at Old Town this holiday season, take some time to enjoy the way they celebrate Christmas. It also shows the advantage of having local businesses. I bet Westfield decided to pool all their holiday cheer at the Roseville Galleria and neglect Downtown Plaza because people would rather go to Roseville and its better variety of shops. Well, adding a Hyundai store to Downtown Plaza doesn't make up for not having a tree this year. Not in my opinion.

Reviewing Old Christmas Tapes

Aside from the traditional fare that TV stations and cable show every year, such as Lifetime and Hallmark Channel's Totally Ridiculous Holiday Happy Endings Marathons, I review some of my old homemade DVDs or other Christmas specials.

Aside from the Grinch and Charlie Brown, I also have holiday specials from Billy and Mandy, My Life As A Teenage Robot, and Robot Chicken. I also have Little Drummer Boy and the Alistair Sim version of Christmas Carol, which don't seem to be on TV this year. I also have a ton of GSN reruns including Christmas shows from I've Got A Secret and What's My Line, but they can be seen anytime.

Anyway, I also started to look at which specials have the best stories. I saw Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, but I have to admit after Kris Kringle escaped from Burgermeister the story starts to fade out. We should have had Burgermeister tossed out of town by the kids who didn't have toys thanks to him, and their parents. For compelling stories, nothing beats the Grinch, Rudolph and Charlie Brown. That's why they're required viewing.

Cable TV , meanwhile, have their own ideas. It explains why Spike is running Bad Santa 24 hour a day, while TNT has A Christmas Story. It's too bad NBC is only allowed to show It's A Wonderful Life twice a year. Why not throw in a couple of cable showings on Lifetime, USA or even SyFy? It should really be in Turner Classic Movies.

Whedonistas, meanwhile, now swear that proper holiday fare are are both the "Amends" episode from Buffy and "Objects In Space" from Firefly, only because Jubal Early compares himself to Santa. Angel should have had a New Year's episode where some terrible thing was about to happen at the start of a New Year, only it gets defeated by too much vodka.

Afterwards, what happens on the 26th? Are holiday specials automatically obsolete? There's Boxing Day in the UK and Canada, and that's Leftover Christmas. I say you watch those specials through Sunday, especially in those areas where their NFL teams are not going to the playoffs (cough49erscoughRaiders,dammitcough).

So, I will look over as much as I can from my Xmas DVD collection, even though Saturday. If I saw the MST3K version of "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians", I should see the Cinematic Titanic version.

Don't Be Fooled! Christmas Time Is Here

When I was trying to put together a costume for the Serenity Salute in Los Angeles in three weeks, I found two interesting things at Sears in Sacramento.
First< i found a nice tan pair of Dickies Jeans for 25 dollars. Along with a Hawaiian shirt and a Dollhouse t-shirt, plus a Jayne knit cap, I can be Jayne Wash for the costume contest. Granted, I'll wind up dead last compared to people bringing a Kaylee Pink Dress from "Shindig" or even more elaborate stuff. But I would at least be interesting.

The other thing I found was....Christmas decorations in the hardware section. It already had an outdoor diplay that reminded me of the one I saw at a shopping center in Cabo two years ago. Well, Christmas is two months away, and I am sure that stores in Canada, from HBC to Canadian Tire, are already in the first stages of the holiday season. Of course, the season will get into full gear in just a few weeks. Here in the U-S, it starts after Thanksgiving. In Canada, it starts after the Grey Cup.
It's the same story at my neighborhood shopping center. Suncoast Video is selling an artificial tree that looks just like the weak real tree in A Charlie Brown Christmas. The ironic thing is that it's supposed to represent the fading traditional Christmas spirit compared to a sea of artificial trees. Now, you can get a replica of that tree. It's almost cooler than getting an action figure of Rudolph or Herbie.
A few doors down, the traditional calendar store is open. New Calendars are always a nice last-second gift. Of course, there were a couple of Buffy calendars, but only one Dr. Horrible calendar. That was a sign they were selling out fast. Meanwhile, calendars for Lost, Twilight and Gossip Girl are still plentiful.

I say some parents should just admit defeat, and tell their kids to dress like Santa or elves. That way, it proves you've got a jump on the upcoming holiday season.
As for me, I wish I could dress up like an Active with a Dollhouse protest t-shirt, but I don't think too many people would get it. Besides, walking barefoot doesn't work. I do have some nice sandals, though.
I could get away with dressing like Simon Tam, except I am bald. Next year, I should put together a Niska costume, and develop a Czech accent.

'Twas the weekend before Christmas...

Was it three years ago, during the best convention I ever attended?
If so, you'd be surprised how much hair I've lost from the top.

When my radio station wondered why I had so many replacement holidays, they soon found out I was the go-to guy to fill in during the holidays. I had thought it would be different this year, with the possibility of two five-day weekends this week and next.

Then I found out the weekend overnight guy is spending the week out of town, and can't fill in for me for Christmas Eve and Day. So, it will be another typical Christmas for me...except I take the swing shift on Christmas, and I get Christmas Eve off to reduce my unused vacation time to 10 days. That's the maximum allowed by my bosses to roll over to the new year. It would, of course, mean I'll have nearly two months of unused vacation time to start the new year, but I'll use more of it because they insist on it this time. For example, it means a four-day Wondercon weekend in late February, because I have a million replacement holidays I have to use.

I will still get a five-day weekend for New Year's, including New Year's Eve. So, at least I will welcome 2009 somewhat loaded but still able to stagger home.

I've also spent a lot of time burning DVD's of shows requested by Bill, my Canadian game show fan who doesn't get Game Show Network. The network has had some holiday marathons of the old classics, from Family Feud to Card Sharks, Wheel of Fortune to Super Password. What struck me was a block of four shows from Body Language, a 1980's version of Pantomime Quiz with a dash of Password mixed in. Robert Morse was one of the guests, and you'd be surprised how young he looked compared to how he looks now on Mad Men. I did see him at the Paley Center Fest last March, and he looked good. Lucille Ball was also on the show, and she didn't exactly look her best here because the show is so physical. You might say this is No Game Show For Old Icons. You should see her in Password instead. At least thanks to this DVD exchange, I'll get the whole set of Trailer Park Boys, and a liberal sampling of other Canadian sitcoms. I just wonder what to ask for next.

It is hard to believe tha tsuch an exciting, and eventually difficult, year is almost done. I have to really think about what I did, and also make sure it did happen during 2008. All I know is meeting Joel Hodgson, Mike Nelson, Felicia Day, Harold and Kumar and Dr. Horrible were definitely part of my year. After that, I'll have to pause a bit.

It's a Merry Schwartzenegger Christmas

I thought I would share some of the pictures I took at the Christmas Tree lighting at the State Capitol in Sacramento. The first ones are a little girl named Michaela Tritch who was the lucky girl who turned on the lights, followed by the full effect...




If you'd like to see the other pictures, along with some others in my Blogger Album, just visit here.