Rifftrax Live: Fists of Fury, the Musical

Instead of a really bad movie about zombies, vampires or some creepy guy with a mask, Rifftrax Live's Halloween show takes on the ultimate horror combination...the 80s and cheesy martial arts movies!

The crew of Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy was in top form in Nashville Thursday night when they took on Miami Connection, an indie movie made by taekwondo expert YK Kim. He's not exactly Bruce Lee, but he has this move:

He helped produce a movie about a pop band called "Dragon Sounds", who sing about friendship and being against Ninjas. They have problems with the band that they replaced, and a group of ninjas who also traffic cocaine.

Two of the band members have concerns, too. Jane, the female singer, has a brother named Jeff who doesn't like her choice in boyfriends..

He's also involved with the drug-pushing ninja, though, So his opinion isn't too valuable.

Another member, Jim, is looking for his father who deserted his family. However, he does find Dad...just in time to be stabbed by the ninjas.

So, before we talk more about the movie some more, let's get to the riffs:

The leader of the ninjas has a meeting:

"Where's money"?

Kevin:  Cuba Gooding Jr. really wants to know.

Mark (YK Kim) notes that "we are all orhpans"

Mike:  My favorive orhpan is Olivor Twast

In another fight, one of the DS guys is challenged by a dorky version of Axl Rose

Bill:  He studied under Grandmaster Elaine Benes

The movie has a section where the DS guys show of their taekwondo skills. Mike is not impressed when he describes it as "take some acid and fight the invisible gorillas". Also, during the Dragon Sounds concert, the crew leads the audience in clapping along with the song but not to the beat.

There's also riffs on Power Rangers, The Goonies, John Oates, Lilith Fair, Crystal Pepsi, Human Centipede and Maria Sharapova. Oh, and they came up with a new slogan for Golden Corral, too. 

Back to the movie, it actually got a comeback thanks to a re-release thanks to Alamo Drafthouse Films and Turner Classic Movies. This lead to a reunion:

Not only that, Kim didn't really mind that Rifftrax was mocking the movie, Here's the story from the Orlando Sentinel, and the Rifftrax crew acknowledged him watching the show from Orlando. They just asked him not to rip their throats out.

Now there was some horror, though. It was a 1970 Coronet short on measuring things. They had a kid learn about inches, pints and such from a milkman who was, in reality, Measuring Man! We couldn't find a picture of him, but imagine a really geeky Ty Burrell with glasses, wearing a Superman costume and a utility belt with measuring cups, a sparking telescope (?) and a ruler. He'd be more disturbing than Mr. B Natural.

UPDATE:  Periscope has a clip from the short. Seeing Measuring Man is a sight to behold.
UPDATE 2:  It's now available at the Rifftrax site. 

Finally, they had a preview of the next movie, Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny II. It's just like the original, only this time the story in the middle is Jack and the Beanstalk. The production values are barely above "Fun In Balloonland" but at least the girl who played Thumbelina is back full-size. That'll be coming on December 3rd.

At Last: Rifftrax vs. Sharknado, This Summer!

It's been nearly 15 years that SyFy, when it was called the Sci-Fi Channel, cancelled Mystery Science Theater 3000. Maybe the channel was afraid Mike, Tom Servo and Crow would eventually riff on some of its original movies, starting with Mr, Stitch. From that moment, many fans hoped that one day, Mike and the bots would get their revenge.
That day will come July 10th.

Nine months ago,  SyFy aired the cheesiest movie ever made on cable: Sharknado, where Los Angeles is attacked by a water spout filled with sharks. Our only hopes to survive: Tara Reid and Ian Zierling.
Of course, this is even dumber than Mega Python vs. Gateriod, and that doesn't include having Debbie Gibson and Tiffany in the movie.
So what happens? Sharknado gets popular, very popular. Granted, it could be because people wanted to mock it with extreme prejudice. Then, two weeks after it aired on SyFy, it was shown at 200 Regal Theaters in midnight showings which just about sold out. Yes, people paid money for this. Were there people who heckled the movie in the theater, too?

Well, this summer, the Rifftrax gang will have its chance. It'll have a live show where they target Sharknado July 10th, three weeks before the sequel escapes to SyFy. Expect a lot of American Pie and 90210 jokes in this production, and maybe some Wizard of Oz jokes. If you bought the Wizard of Oz riff, you notice they ask during the twister scene "where are the sharks". This may have been a hint that the movie had been in their cross hairs for some time. Maybe they're curious how it holds up against Birdemic, where people use coat hangers to battle attacking video game birds.

Edited to add: Conor Lastowka, one of the Rifftrax writers, has an explanation on why it's taking on Sharknado, although some are worried it's like shooting sharks in a barrel: it's just like a summer blockbuster, only with 98% less budget and star power--and it came from TV. Anyway, here's his Tumblr post that will say it better than anyone.

Fathom Events will have this at hundreds of theaters nationwide and Canada. It will be shown again on July 15th, but tickets will be on sale starting May 2nd.

Meanwhile, Rifftrax will spend April Fools Day riffing on nature shows for the National Geographic channel betwen 8 and 11 PM East and West, with another go-around between 11 PM and 2 AM.

The Last Voyage of the Cinematic Titanic

At this theater in Glenside, PA, near Philadelphia, a handful of people will see the final voyage of the Cinematic Titanic. It'\ll be the last time where the original cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000, plus TV's Frank Conniff and former Mad Scientist mom Mary Jo Pehl will pummel bad cinema to the delight of others. They'll end their six-year run with a double feature: The Wasp Woman (pure, uncut Corman) and The Doll Squad (so cheesy a cable channel aired it...on purpose). By the way, I want to thank Tony Goggin for letting me use this photo.

It's hard to believe that six years ago we saw the first movie, The Oozing Skull, and we wondered if the MST3K alumni still had that way of mocking bad acting, writing, special effects and even editing. When it was first available, it had a modest DVD disc:

After about five minutes, we all thought, "Cool. Nailed It, We're back". Still, when Joel re-used an old riff about "The Mod Squad", and said he was old, we understood. The important thing was, the spirit of MST3K was revived through Cinematic Titanic. It was like the old days: a bunch of people trapped by nearly-evil forces, required to mock bad movies for some vague reason, then put away the results in a time tube. It's not exactly like being trapped in space, but it was the next best thing. It's too bad that when they switched to making DVDs of live shows, they didn't include an escape attempt in one of the DVDs.

The choice of the Keswick was also interesting, but I would have thought the last show could have been in the Uptown in Minneapolis, where a convention included a live riffing of "This Island Earth". Still, the CT tour has toured in an arena, classic theaters, and even New York City.

The fun of mocking movies continues through Rifftrax, which got into full gear a year earlier than CT, and Incognito Cinema Warriors XP, which started in 2008 and continues to do "host segments" more complex than MST ever did. Not bad, since it started as "something to sell on MySpace".
Heck, if you get the blu-ray version of The Heat, you get a commentary track of Joel, Trace and Josh, er, J. Elvis mocking Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy from start to finish. Sure, Trace and J. Elvis used to work for the director, but... (Note, I reviewed this, and it somehow became popular).

I actually met Joel, Trace, J. Elvis and Frank at a convention in San Jose in 2008 shortly after the first CT episode:

I thought this was a great moment, because I finally got J. Elvis' autograph, and got to meet my cable TV heroes. After all, when would I ever meet them again?

Well, it would be a lot sooner than I thought:

This was their first live visit to San Francisco, when they riffed on East Meets Watts (although back then they called it The Dynamite Brothers), and created the "Spit Take Heard Round the World" that's on the live version. I still have the ticket stub

Now, some of us get in the habit of riffing, even on good movies. I do that while I watch something like Frozen, American Hustle or even a movie that everyone but me has seen, like any Harry Potter movie.

Also, I try to "improve" on the riffing of others. My Rifftrax copy of that over-discoed-in-a-new-wave-world musical, The Apple, has great commentary, but I try to add to it. In the "Show Business" number, I wondered why Mike Nelson never noticed the whole routine was similiar to how Baz Luhrmann would have staged a Super Bowl halftime show. Also, in "Cry for Me," when Alfie does his big song outside his apartment window, I find myself singing, "I'm mad at Hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore".
If I watch it again, maybe I could come up with a riff for Catherine Mary Stewart, who was the female lead who went on to Night of the Comet. That's not quite as surprising as the cast including a soap opera star (Finola Hughes) and a guy who helped create two reality shows (Nigel Lythgoe).
Yes, that's how I sometimes see movies, unless it's Gravity. That movie is riff-proof.
Note: the comment about Gravity is no longer true.

At least I was there for the final San Francisco show at the Castro. It's too bad the sound was terrible for the first half, The Doll Squad. After seeing it on TCM a few weeks ago, it's just as well, but I just couldn't come up with any good riffs.
That's why I am hoping that we'll get one last CT DVD of Doll Squad, Astral Factor or even Samson and the Seven Miracles. Just one more for the road, guys.

So, the final Cinematic Titanic show may lead to tears, laughs, and maybe a two-hour chant by the crowd, begging "Please Don't Go". Yet, it has to end, since the cast have new lives all over the country. Besides, Rifftrax and ICWXP will pick up the slack in their own way.
As long as there's an actor taking a role he doesn't have a clue to do convincingly (hello Johnny Depp), they'll be there. As long as there's cheesy, high-priced sci-fi and bad book adaptations, they'll be there. As long as Adam Sandler, Michael Bay, Tara Reid and James Franco are employed, they'll be there.

Besides, if the Eagles, Frank Sinatra, Cher and Brett Favre unretired, maybe the Cinematic Titanic will sail again in the seas of Video On Demand, Netflix and DVDs. We can only hope.

For now, Godspeed, Cinematic Titanic!

ICWXP: More Bad Shorts, New Eyes, and a New Villain (Update: and a new van!)

It's been nearly a year since we last heard from our heroes known as Incognito Cinema Warriors XP, otherwise known as life in the zombie apocalypse that's not in The Walking Dead.

While Rifftrax just mocks bad movies, and Cinematic Titanic heads towards the sunset, ICWXP reminds us that the host segments, the comedy in between the movies, are very important. That's how we see Rick Wolf, TopsyBot 5000, Johnny Cylon, and Flux Namtari deal with being trapped in a movie theater in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.

The episodes are becoming more ambitious, too. When season 2 started, the DVDs ran only 45 minutes. This new DVD runs a whopping 90 minutes, not including extras. In the commentary track, Rikk says mixing a real story with movie mockery, as MST did in the SyFy days, makes it different.

In "Fahrenheit Cine-A-Sorrow", there's some changes, like TopsyBot getting a new head and the lobby getting a new candy counter. The zombies seem to communicate through long moans that are actually profound discussions about existence...or World War Z. However, there's something else, as shown below....



So who's behind all this? We'll get to that later.
Cylon is trying to make a documentary about life at the theater, and tries to set off an argument between Topsybot and Rick. What happens is childish yet compelling, and it's all too much for Topsybot. He goes into an electric stroke, and finds himself in the ultimate Hell: an Adam Sandler film festival. Actually, he got a new head, paid for by fans.
Then Cylon interrogates Birkin, one of the Ludovico lackeys strapped to a chair. There's a mysterious brownout, which gives Spencer, the other lackey, a chance to escape from being forced to see "Soapy the Germ Fighter" over and over again.

Afterwards, we have the first short, "The Haunted Mouth", where Colgate uses the evil voice of Cesar Romero to threaten kids about the dangers of plaque. Here's the first couple of minutes...



Plaque basically dares kids to brush their teeth every day, and in a disturbing fashion that makes Topsy say, "Brush your teeth like a bad girl."

During intermission, Birkin tries to get away, and Cylon tries to communicate with the head of Professor Zedikiah Logan, still a rotting head but now with a teddy bear. It's great they've found a new way to use Zed, who hasn't been seen since "Bloody Pit of Horror" back in 2009. It can only communicate through blinking, but not for long.

The second short talks about the wonders of coal-fired power plants, and how they make life in Ohio wonderful.



There's also riffs that have connections with MST3K. When a storm is brewing, threatening the power grid, Topsy says, "Diarrhea is like Lake Erie raging inside you." That sounds familiar to hardcore MSTies.  Then, when Rikk asks who Jam Handy is (yes, the Jam Handy that gave us "Hired!"), Cylon says he's "someone who gets mad fun of by robots a lot".

Afterwards, they get another brownout, and their mysterious friend, Bottomless Epiglottis, says it's due to a computer virus. It can fix the problem, but it needs the password....from Zed.
After some "negotiation" with Zed, plus a special device that's provided by the late great Dr. Blackwood, they fix the problem. In fact, it gives Zed a new voice, which helps him express a lot of anger through very long words.

However, that's not the end. There's a new set of villains called the Order of Mortis, a cult that wants to take over the theater and lead the world to a new beginning. They've already recruited the zombie that was captured at the start of the show.

So how do they think the theater will help them fulfill their mission? Well, you'll never know unless you get the next DVD, right?

"Fahrenheit Cine-A-Sorrow" includes shorts on the new fan-funded candy counter, Zed's new eye, and a tribute to the Dickinson 6, which was used as the exterior to Cine-A-Sorrow. There's also a feature on how Topsybot got a new head, and was told to thank the fans, individually, who helped pay for them, and a visit to the Transworld Halloween convention in Saint Louis.

As mentioned before, Rikk comments on the action. He had planned two scenes with Flux, and some others, but that didn't work out. He also says creating that cult was needed to develop a major villain for the show. His comments do go all over the place, from how Dexter ended to what could have ended season two of the show but won't. It shows he's devoted to this show and so should we. If there's anyone who deserves a $60 million Powerball ticket, or a cable network, to keep this franchise going, it's him. 

"Fun With Shorts" has a short on Thanksgiving in this DVD. Here's the link to it. This episode will keep you going through Halloween, Veteran's Day and Thanksgiving.
Finally, there are easter eggs in the second (light up the straw), third (popcorn kernel) and fourth (lemonhead) chapter menus.

You can order a copy of "Fahrenheit Cine-A-Sorrow" plus other episodes, through this link.

UPDATE:   Rikk and the boys wanted an old van that they'll turn into the zombie killing leviathan, the "Necrogon". They raised 1500 bucks towards that plan, and early Halloween afternoon, this was added to their website:

They'll need to get the van zombie-fighting ready, and meet other needs in the future. You can chip in by clicking here, and get additional rewards depending on the size of the donation. If the season finale is really going to be two hours, including a whole movie, it'll take a lot of green to get it going.

One more thing, I got Supersonic Man, one of the latest Rifftrax VOD offerings. I wanted to know how bad it is compared to, say, Puma Man. This movies makes Puma Man look like The Dark Knight.



It's a European Superman knockoff with a bland European guy who talks into his watch to be a super hero, an annoying drunk, and Cameron Mitchel (and the guy dubbing him) over-acting. It makes you really appreciate Donald Pleasence, or Krankor for that matter. That's despite a scene where Dr. Gulik (Mitchel) tells a kidnapped scientist, "Today is a great day for science", and Kevin Murphy riffs, "Big Bang Theory has been cancelled".  There's also a callback on The Room, and riffs on Windows 8, "western music", Dog the Bounty Hunter, Charlie Brown, Costco, Kickstarter, Michael Bay and the Wiggles.  Mike also turns Supersonic Man's awful theme into a nice jingle for a local shopping center. Good thing he didn't try it with the theme song from the Spanish version.

Cinematic Titanic: The Last Picture Show

More than five years ago, five members of Mystery Science Theater 3000 decided to riff on movies again. They started with a test show at Industrial Light and Magic, did a few DVDs, then took to the road. It fulfilled a need...a need for cinematic justice.

Now, while Rifftrax, the other major movie riffing movement, is still going strong, the CT guys are making their last tour. They attracted a sell-out crowd of 1400 at the Castro Theater in San Francisco this past Saturday (10/19). It was a little different from its previous visits, but still very funny.

Dave "Gruber" Allen, who recently posed at the Really Groovy Pope on Conan, did a fine job filling in for Josh (J-Elvis) Weinstein, who is still ill but hopefully will be back for the grand finale. Aside from two very funny lip-synch performances, he also took Cinematic Titanic to the next level...live drama!




Here with the former Forresters, Mary Jo Pehl and Trace Beaulieu, they perform the final scene from A Doll's House in a very Midwestern way. The best riff: "Oh, Torvald"...and Dean.



Then, Cable TV's Frank Conniff talks about how his career has changed, when he joined Totally Biased as a writer and budding Andy Rooney. He wanted to stay with Current after it changed to Al Jazeera America, and even pitched a show called "Sharia Law and Order." He also talked about bad pizza and artisan ice cream.



Then Joel Hodgson arrived to thank the fans for supporting Cinematic Titanic. He then went on to describe the 7 PM movie, The Doll Squad. Picture Angel's Revenge as produced by Russ Meyer, or someone who thought he was Meyer. Here's a sample:



The movie drowned out the riffs at first, but the sound mixing sounded better from my seat. Since this will be shown on the tour, the only riff you can expect is that the boat captain is mistaken for Catfish Hunter. They also got in some riffs on the government shutdown and the BART strike.



A lot of people wore MST3K and CT shirts, but this guy has the best costume with a Gizmonics jumpsuit and hardhat. His costume was impressive. There was also a woman dressed as Tom Servo, and a ticket taker who wore a Firefly sweatshirt. In the spirit of Halloween, we have this picture of the Castro Theater organist under the disturbing-looking Sketchfest spotlight



According to one person who stuck around for the 2nd movie (as reported at Satellite News), The Astral Factor, Trace had a short film where he plays "Dr. Eff" hoping to make a monster named Frank. That's one way to get around copyright infringement. Then someone asked a very complex question about an MST3K episode. Joel gave the only answer he could: "Just repeat to yourself, it's just a show"

I did ask Trace if there would be DVDs of The Astral Factor and The Doll Squad, and it seems there won't be. He confirmed that fact at the Satellite News site. I still tweeted a request to tape the final performance in late December. After all, if The Band did and created The Last Waltz, so can Cinematic Titanic. However, there is one "lost episode" that still exists: it's a commentary on the blu-ray of The Heat. That's right, people are riffing on a comedy that some people liked. There will be a review of this before the upcoming Rifftrax Live event this week, but some random thoughts about losing CT. Stay tuned.

MST3K, The Home Game: How It Changed The World

Satellite News, the go-to website for fans of MST3K, recently had a post about an upcoming conference that will discuss the cultural impact of the TV show.
That's right: a bunch of scholars will talk about how some guy and two robots mocking movies changed the world as we know it.

It's run by the Southwest/American Popular Culture and American Culture Association, and will take place next February in Albuquerque, New Mexico. The official title is "Mystery Science Theater and the Culture of Riffing", although it will take up other topics, too. The guy in charge is Rob Weiner of the Texas Tech University Library. He compiled a book of essays called In the Peanut Gallery with Mystery Science Theater 3000: Essays on Film, Fandom, Technology and the Culture of Riffing.
And people thought earning a degree on studying Buffy the Vampire Slayer was unusual.

One of the proposed subjects in this conference is "MST3K, the Home Game". This aired twice on SyFy (when it was the Sci-Fi Channel) on January 25th 1997. Roger Corman's "The Day The World Ended" was shown, and people could send in their riffs through IRC's, or Internet Relay Chat rooms, that the network set up. They even had a commercial to show how it worked:



Those who circulated the tapes, or were smart to tape it when it aired (like me), have copies of both versions. It was available on YouTube, but not any more. People interacted with the movie by pretending to be Mike, Servo or Crow, then got to read their riffs on TV. It was quite a treat for those who were probably adding their own riffs while watching MST3K, or any bad movie.
For the most part, the riffs in the "home game" came about ten seconds after the action. If they syched up better with the movie, it would have been funnier. Then again, this was 1997 technology, a long way from Twitter. The fact that SyFy did this at all was still a big deal. It mixed TV watching with internet chat rooms. That's not too far off from watching Conan or Breaking Bad with your TV and iPad for a "second screen experience".
Nowadays, we tweet while watching TV, and some of those tweets are shown on TV, even during news shows on CNN or MSNBC. You can easily say "MST3K: The Home Game" made this possible.

The special also had features on a new set, and new episodes that were about to premiere a week later. The home game was only a taste of the new era to come. It may have also convinced some people that they could make their own versions of MST3K, if they only had a couple of robots or stuffed toys. Somehow, this led to iRiffs, Josh Way and Incognito Cinema Warriors XP. That, of course, is a good thing. Someone has to maintain the new tradition of severe movie criticism, usually as you're watching the movie. Again, "MST3K: The Home Game" made this possible.

SyFy's decision to have the home game was a sign that they wanted to have MST3K on its lineup after Comedy Central let it go because it had South Park, and didn't need funny bots anymore. It's too bad they didn't try it again as the technology improved. Maybe they could have had viewers riff on all of This Island Earth.

The conference is expected to discuss other MST3K subjects like comparing Mike and Joel (which nearly broke the internet around the Holidays 20 years ago), who was the best evil sidekick, and how riffing can be connected to Frank Zappa ("is that a Sears Poncho?"), Shakespeare and Monty Python. There's even a proposal to see how riffing affects spy movies, Christmas movies (maybe including Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny and that annoying Talking Christmas Tree), Hercules movies, and just movies that were forgotten for good reason. Despite all these subjects, a panel on MST3K: The Home Game should be on the agenda. It gave viewers a chance to mock a bad movie, see their comments on TV, and decide they can make their own version for mass consumption or something cool to download on YouTube.
And, in a way, it would also lead to seeing viewers' comments being shown on certain TV shows, thanks to today's social media.
Too bad we can't have a new version of MST3K: The Home Game today...with the target being Sharknado. Then again, we still have Rifftrax.

Rifftrax Live: Best Big Bug Hunt Ever

I was a huge fan of MST3K. It is an honor - I hope I still feel that way after!
--Casper Van Dien in an interview from Miami New Times. 

We were all hoping that nearly 265 thousand dollars to Kickstarter would be enough for Rifftrax to achieve its ultimate triumph: riffing Twilight within an inch of its after-life

Instead, we wound up with Starship Troopers, the cheesiest outer space war film ever. Where else will you see Neil Patrick Harris packing heat, Gary Busey's son as a six-foot golf tee with a big gun, Casper Van Dien as a leader of men, or Denise Richards showing less than one percent more credibility as a fighter pilot than as a nuclear scientist in The World Is Not Enough?

Recounting the plot isn't important, but the fact the Riffers Three--Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy--packed in two hours of snide remarks for fans in Nashville, and thousands more in theaters in North America. Getting a A-level science fiction movie to riff for a live show was a milestone for the series. Although some still wish that sparkly vampires and hunky werewolves were the target rather than jingoism and killing big bugs with way too many bullets, this was still a big success. 

They wanted to somehow keep the show at PG-13 despite that infamous shower scene full of male and female flesh. So, Kevin chose that time to bring in Gorilla Grams to keep the cameras off the R-rated screen. He did this again when Van Dien had his love scene with Dina Meyer (yes, from Birds of Prey and the Saw series), but we still got a quick peek at her chest. This was a real buzzkill that reminded some of that pesky flying blimp that covered up the best parts of Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks (namely topless babes), as done by Cinematic Titanic.
On the other hand, this may make the mp3 riff of the movie more popular, since it's bound to include play-by-play of the shower scene. 

Let's get to some examples:

The logo of the "Federal Network" is shown
PBS finally got too much power

Dizzy (Dina) meets Zander (Patrick Muldoon) at a high school prom, before they fight the bugs
Hi, I'm discount Rob Lowe

Rico makes a big mistake at training that kills a soldier, and is sentenced to ten lashes
Gymnastics got dark in the future

Rico rides a very big tanker bug, and some icky orange stuff oozes out
Partially digested Chester Cheetah

The soldiers retreat after the bugs surround them
David Cronenberg presents A Bug's Life

and this classic line, given by Lt. Pasczak (Michael Ironside), when he appoints Rico Corporal:
"I need a corporal. You're it, until you're dead or I find someone better."

Mike calls this line his wedding vows, and Jay Leno's motto.

They also packed in riffs on Weekend at Bernie's, Beverly Hills 90210, Raid, voting in Chicago, Grown-Ups II, Transformers III, Arena Football, Charlie Sheen, Johnny Depp, Doctor Who, AT&T cell phone service, Kafka, Cougar Town, the TSA, Robert Byrd, Ted Nugent, Ricky Gervais, and political debate shows like "Ugly Guy and Old Broad". 
Some may have noticed that Dean Norris was also in this movie. Naturally, they included riffs on his two shows, Breaking Bad and Under the Dome. 

At least Meyer isn't mad. From her Twitter (@DinaMeyer): 
      

Thanks for the gorillagrams! @rifftrax #hilarious #starshiptroopers http://instagram.com/p/dD9jwlD4Nl/

It's too bad this will never be available for digital download, but watching the DVD while hearing the mp3 Rifftrax will be more than worth it, especially for the shower scene. Some did complain they couldn't see the movie because of work or other reasons, and were hoping to get that digital version. That's why announcing that it'll be shown again September 12th was a good idea. It gives people a second chance, while others will want to see this again. 

Afterwards, Rifftrax will riff on the original Night of the Living Dead on October 24th. A DVD of the black and white version is already available, but the preview shows a clip that is colorized. Rifftrax did tweet me back that they'll show a better black and white print, not colorized. Of course, they'll have to deal with a brief shot of a naked female zombie. Hope they still have the phone number for Gorilla Grams. 

One more thing: the pre-show slides were funny as usual. They're much better than the "First Look" infomercials that run before the movie.  Who else would have this anagram...REFTA TRAHE...and rearrange it to spell out "Hollywood Nepotism"? You also learn Troop Beverly Hills could be renamed Starship Troopers if you replaced Shelley Long with a bunch of spaceships (or maybe have Craig T. Nelson fill Michael Ironside's role). They also got in a few digs on Man of Steel, Game of Thrones, how Breaking Bad will end, Marvel's Agents of SHIELD, and the fact that movies that make more cash overseas than in the US are more important these days. It also proposed combining rock and roll with zombies and create...World War ZZ Top. 
And no one thought of this sooner?

Rifftrax Exterminates Doctor Who and the Daleks

The following takes place more or less after "Nightmare in Silver":

The Doctor stretched out inside the control room of the TARDIS. He thought back of his tangle with the Cybermen, and how he turned into Mr. Clever.
"I was definitely more interesting than Locutus of Borg", he said to himself, "but I'd rather be boring and save people.
"Oooooooooohh, I need a break from all this. I should take in a movie," the Doctor said. "But which movie?"

Suddenly, the TARDIS whooshed and whomped. It seemed to know where the Doctor had to be.....

It landed on a man-made asteroid called Netbox. It's billed as the biggest movie multiplex in the universe, where creatures can literally see any movie that's made anywhere.
The Doctor met one of the employees, a guy named Odeon Loews. He was literally born in a tuxedo, with his name embroidered on the front....at birth.

"Well, Odeon", the Doctor said, "what movies can you recommend?"

"Well, I don't know," Odeon said, "you probably saw the blockbusters we get from Earth by breaking every law of physics in the book. However, we do have a section where we show specialty movies."

"Is that so?", the Doctor wondered. "Do you have that Shakespeare movie made at some director's house? I have heard a lot of good things about it."

"No, that's still out in some film festival a couple of light years away. It'll be at Netbox next month. Actually, I do have a movie from what I call 'the Rifftrax series'"

"Rifftrax? Isn't that bad movies with justifiable commentary? They'll take on anybody, even Star Wars..or The Avengers. Understandable, considering who they used to be. I hear they're trying to riff on Twilight as part of their live shows."

"That's right," Odeon said. "but they couldn't pull it off. They'll take on Starship Troopers, which I say is more deserving of heckling because this movie is so cheesy it's asking for it."
"Well, I'll look forward to it. Let's see what Rifftrax movies you have."

The Doctor looked at the list of Rifftrax movies carefully. He saw titles that just scream "cheesy movies": Kingdom of the Spiders, The Apple, Voodoo Man, The Guy From Harlem, Doctor Who and the Daleks, Nightmare at Noon, Psycho II....
"DOCTOR WHO AND THE DALEKS???", the Doctor roared.

Odeon was worried. He didn't like unsatisfied movie patrons. He still hadn't recovered from the Lindsay Lohan Film Festival.

"My apologies, Doctor," Odeon said. "I didn't..."

"On the contrary, I am surprised they took this long to target this movie. I know it well. Any resemblance between me and this movie's version of me is accidental at best. Peter Cushing was OK as me, but he acted too much like my original form. I liked him better when he was in cheesy but scary Hammer horror movies."

"Oh, that's a relief. How did they get away with making a movie about you? It's like trying to make a movie about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and forget to include Joss Whedon. I know someone tried."

"In 1965, I didn't talk too much about myself," the Doctor explained. "I didn't admit I was a Time Lord, or where I was from. So, they could make a movie about me, say I'm from Earth, and claim my last name is Who. They can also make my granddaughter Susan nine years old and a bit of a smart-aleck. I don't think it was a good idea giving me a granddaughter named Barbara who has a klutzy boyfriend named Ian. To me, Ian and Barbara are two very different people who would have made an more interesting movie.
"Then again, a lot of people wanted to see a movie that's almost about me, battling full-color Daleks on the big screen. A better story would have helped. That's why I want to see this movie riffed."

"Well, I'll just get that movie," Odeon said, "and we can see it attacked while sipping on Shush-O's and snacking on Smarties."

"Great idea," the Doctor said. "I need to relax."

So, Odeon and the Doctor saw what you'd get if you made a Doctor Who movie if the BBC wasn't involved.

The movie is actually a different version of the first Daleks story that aired on the show in late 1963. In it, the Doctor is involved in a battle between the Daleks, who are evil beings out to destroy and exterminate, and the Thals, who prefer to be peaceful.
Also, the reason the Doctor couldn't get the real Susan, Ian and Barbara back to Earth is that the Doctor had a tough time trying to get to where he wanted to go. That was especially true when the show began.
In this movie, the Daleks are ruthless, but the producers just couldn't let the Daleks use ray guns or flame throwers. That's why you see one Thal get killed by a deadly fire extinguisher. They also spend too much time standing around, especially one Dalek named Carl. At least, that's according to the Rifftrax crew. The Thals, meanwhile, look like a race of exotic Graham Chapmans with too much eyeliner.

As we begin we see Susan, the Buffy from Family Affair of the group, reading a book on physics. Barbara, the other granddaughter and a Lulu knockoff, reads a book on science. Doctor Who, which is his name because he's British in this movie, reads the comics. Actually, that's close to the Doc we have now. Ian, Barbara's boyfriend, stumbles into the movie literally as the comic relief. The Doctor eventually shows everyone TARDIS, which is the famous time machine disguised as a police box, bigger inside, etc. At least Susan gives some explanation of why it's bigger inside than outside (a better one comes in Robots of Death), but not about why the interior looks like the basement of Hewlett-Packard.
Thanks to Ian kissing Barbara and pushing the wrong lever, the group is sent to Skaro, where they are in the middle of the battle between the Daleks and Thals. Getting into the plot, such as it is, isn't the point. It's how Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy respond to it.

Right off the bat, Mike says "Regal Films" makes films about Queen and Queen-related things. Kevin is disappointed this movie has nothing to do with Freddie Mercury. Bill is even more shocked that the movie has nothing to do with the BBC Doctor Who. After being sedated, the movie begins.

We see Barbara and her science book...

Kevin: She can Jon my Pertwee anytime

Fake Ian Chesterton stumbles in

Bill: British Dick Van Dyke
Kevin: Oh, so he'll do an indescribably bad Brookyln acccent

TARDIS takes off, but without the familiar sound of it launching

Bill: Where's the noise like an old Edsel dying?

About ten minutes in, Bill and Mike act like two kinds of Doctor Who fans:

Bill as the post-2005 fan: He's not an alien, he's not young and dashing, he doesn't have a weird psycho-sexual yearning for his super-hot companion. I mean, what is Doctor Who all about if not that?

Mike as the old-school Who fan: It's about slow, silent group trudges through sound stages.

Then the Daleks show up, and we get the perfect riff:

Mike in Dalek voice: Welcome to the Island of Misfit Sex Toys.

You can also expect riffs about The Wire, Craig Ferguson, Kate Upton, Cirque Du Soleil, Millard Fillmore, TMZ, Legend of Zelda, the previous forms of the real Doctor, and Kevin complaining about a scene showing "a couple of stupid robots sitting in front of a dumb movie".
Just think about that riff.

Here's the link to the movie sample from Rifftrax. This may be the ultimate crossover of one famous sci-fi show heckling a movie sort of based on another famous sci-fi show. It makes me wish for the day Buffy the Vampire Slayer joins the Rifftrax crew to mock that  movie that also isn't about her.
At least in that case, the movie came before she got the job.

Today the Volturi, Tomorrow Jar Jar Binks

Last week, Rifftrax decided to shoot for the stars, and set up a Kickstarter campaign to get enough money to bribe or use embarrassing photos convince Lionsgate to let them riff on Twilight, the teen vampire movie that launched an tween-based movie empire. They were looking for 55 thousand dollars, and according to Satellite News, that was raised in an hour.

As of 10 AM Pacific Time today (March 5), more than 4300 people have donated about 201 thousand dollars. It's safe to say that if Lionsgate has a sense of humor, and no concerns that three guys mocking this movie will affect anything, this could happen this coming August. However, if Lionsgate considers this blasphemy or could ruin the inevitable reboot someday, Rifftrax could consider another movie like Troll II, The Room, Transformers: Dark of the Moon (or, God, Where's Megan Fox When You Need Her?), Eragon, or maybe Battlefield Earth, Not-Anne Hathaway Catwoman or Batman and Robin.

Meanwhile, response by the media has been fairly slow. It's more concerned about having a president who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. However, Geek System has written an article about this, and even Bill Corbett found out Perez Hilton added a blurb to his site. There's also been articles in Wired and Daily Dot.

However, where is the massive uprising by Twi-hards who consider a public mocking of the Sacred Sparkling Vampire Sacrament, the movie that changed their lives, the Ultimate Sin?

Well, it hasn't happened yet. Maybe they are watching all of their Twilight DVDs now that Breaking Dawn 2 is now available. The Rifftrax response is coming on March 14, and that should break the server that delivers the mp3's.
Or maybe they just realized they spent their hard-earned cash on a movie franchise that hasn't been the Supreme Teen Experience they had expected....and now want revenge!

Hey, more than 4300 people can't be wrong, and neither will the thousands more that will contribute through the end of this month. If Twilight does get the Rifftrax treatment, that means any recent movie, as in five to ten years old, is fair game. While Star Wars or Lord of the Rings movies may be a bit out of reach, movies that couldn't start franchises (hello, John Carter, The Lightning Thief, The A-Team) may be in reach. Heck, maybe my dream of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie being riffed could come true, especially if Sarah Michelle Gellar helps out.

If you'd like to donate some bucks to the Rifftrax Kickstarter site, just click here. You can also get some nice thank-you gifts, including a digital download of the August event itself. Whatever happens, it will be worth every penny, and could lead to a new era in movie mockery. Some have even hoped other MST3K alumni may help out, like Trace or Mary Jo. We can only hope.

The Greatest Kickstarter Campaign Ever, or How to Avenge a Youthful Mistake

Rifftrax promised a big announcement recently about its next live show, and it wasn't kidding.

It wants to spin, fold and mutilate, or in lay men's terms goof on, the original Twilight movie.

Just sending mp3's to people who want to see the classic vampire love movie with appropriate commentary just isn't enough anymore.
Nope. Michael J. Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy all had a dream. They wanted to honor Twilight in the worst way, but then that would involve giving it some reward, and we can't have that.
So, they had a better idea: declare the movie as the Worst Movie Of All Time, according to an internet poll of the most superior experts of such a thing. Sure, they were mainly Rifftrax customers, but that proves they have taste. Add hard-core fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Vampire Diaries, and the case is made right there.

Next, Rifftrax decided to roll the dice and raise money for the rights to riff on Twilight, and broadcast it to willing fans in theaters across the nation. Heck, have this on PPV, and you may be more popular than last week's UFC card.

Now, there are some people who are certain Lionsgate would never let three self-appointed movie critics who base their expertise on being trapped in space while being attacked by Coleman Francis, Ed Wood and whoever thought Hobgoblins was a good idea, riff on Twilight live in theatres. Sure, Fathom Events show classic movies or TV shows, but add featurettes and deleted scenes and stuff like that. It's to commemorate these classic films. It makes no sense to present a classic movie, and heckle it from start to finish.
On the other hand, Lionsgate and Summit Entertainment have both generated billions from this franchise. Maybe it's about time they suffer the consequences. Besides, it's not as if any other movie franchise is upset Rifftrax targets them every time.

So, the Rifftrax boys are giving it a try. In an interesting move, they started a Kickstarter campaign to ask people if they'd help raise 50 thousand bucks to get the rights to show Twilight, and present the money in a big and massive novelty check. That started on February 25th. About 26 hours later, they've raised 145 thousand dollars, and will likely get more. That's a lot of people who want to avenge their youthful mistake that Twilight would be as good as they had hoped, then it turned out it never will be. Heck, with Buffy, True Blood and Vampire Diaries, that ain't happening.

So, if the final tally on March 27 is big, like around 250 thousand dollars, Lionsgate should prove it's got nerve and let Rifftrax mock Twilight this coming August. If the studio demands a "rebuttal", they could ask Taylor Lautner to be part of it. I doubt Kristen Stewart could do much, unless she's been holding back a lot of riffs over the years. If the next live show's target isn't Twilight, it could be a "classic" like Troll II, The Room, or (and this may be a dream) Son of the Mask.

So, click here if you want to contribute to the "Rifftrax wants to riff Twilight in theaters nationwide" campaign today. If Lionsgate does approve this, it will be certain doom....for Transformers, Avatar, the Star Wars prequels, etc. Wouldn't that be cool.

Manos, in the Hands of Rifftrax

When Mystery Science Theater 3000 unearthed the cinematic blasphemy that is Manos the Hands of Fate 20 years ago next week (January 30), no one realized how society would be changed, infected or just stunned by the existence of this movie. Torgo, a strange creature, would be a folk hero. The term "Master" would take on a new meaning that would never be considered by Doctor Who fans. What's worse, someone would make a short documentary about the making of this, uh, "movie" which turned out to less than accurate, another would restore an old print, and a crew would work on making a sequel, which somehow involves the little girl, Debbie.

What could be next?
How about riffing the movie again?
That's what the Rifftrax trio of Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett did last summer in Nashville. It was recently shown again through Fathom Events as part of the Best of Rifftrax Live series. 
This isn't unusual. Rifftrax re-riffed a short about juvenile delinquency, while Cinematic Titanic took on Santa Claus Conquers the Martians again. So, why not take on Manos again?
OK, trick question. After all, it makes subsequent "movies" like Hobgoblins and Werewolf look like Pan's Labyrinth. It's still the only movie Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank regretted.
Still, Mike and the boys went all the way with this production. They even revived the skit from the original MST edition where Torgo delivered pizzas, but this time the Master was there, too. It was part of an effort to publicize the sequel, and a nice touch.

Rifftrax expressed how painful it was to revisit this movie, from the muddy cinematography to the dubbed voices, bad editing, bad acting and just the creepiness of it all. It's a bit darker than how Joel Hodgson took on this movie in 1993. Let's compare:

The family gets pulled over by a highway patrolman...

MST: Sorry, but you're not filming Manos the Hands of Fate in our town
Rifftrax: We're arresting the movie so soon?

They go to the road to the Valley Lodge, while we hear singing

MST:  Honey, please, not while I'm driving. OK. What about the Valley Lodge?
Rifftrax: Dionne Warwicke is drunk again

Of course, there's that couple who parks, makes out and drinks all through the movie, despite the highway patrolman interrupting. The couple's compared to a "typical job interview in Texas" and a white trash version of Edward and Bella (a classic bit, trust me, and another reason why Buffy beats Twilight...FOREVER!)

Torgo makes his move on Margaret, mentioning how the Master wants her as his wife

MST: (as Torgo) Look, lady, I got the moves of a wallaby
Rifftrax: Your husband's a corpse, and he likes you.

The Master's wives fight each other over whether they should kill the little girl

MST: Next on ESPN, Full-Contact Nightgown Wrestling
Rifftrax: It's compared to what happens in a book club when someone admits to not liking 50 Shades of Grey.

The Master confronts Torgo, who takes an hour to stand up

MST: Do something! God!
Rifftrax: Torgo, don't get up

They both see the wives fighting.

MST (Torgo to the Master) When are you going to kill me, boss?
Rifftrax: $10 on Wife #4

Torgo gets his hand burned off before he runs away.

MST: The Jamaican wings are ready, or "Charred Finger"
Rifftrax: ...and that's how a McRib is made

We also get jokes on The View, Thelma and Louise, The Wire, Texas in general (not just Fort Worth), Nick Nolte, Taken and Aerosmith. On top of that, they end the picture before the long closing credits. This is "quitting while you're ahead."

For some reason, they also portray little Debbie rather tipsy after she lays down in the couch at the lodge. It would have made more sense if the wives were drunk.
The best thing, though, is that the Rifftrax crew took on ALL of the movie. The MST version cut out several things, including the Master slapping his first wife severely, even drawing blood. You could also see and hear the movie better, which doesn't help actually.

Seeing Manos on the big screen was quite the experience, helped out by the commentary of the Rifftrax crew. Hopefully this, and the Plan 9 From Outer Space showing on January 31, will be available on DVD soon.

Learn more at www.rifftrax.com

My Space Classics: Reviewing Incognito Cinema Warriors' 2nd DVD

Somewhere in the internet, I had a blog in MySpace. It's still barely active, thanks to my tweets and Facebook posts. It's about time I featured the best of that old blog, including some pre-Whedonopolis stuff. Enjoy!

From August 28, 2008:

When a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 decided to make his own version of the show, and promote it on the internet, he wasn't sure if anyone would buy it. After all, there have been some attempts to recreate the magic that is MST3K, but could someone actually succeed?
Well, Rikk Wolf, zombie hunter, has his answer...

These guys are good--fast-paced, funny riffing throughout. Now, fellahs, would you please stop making my job look easy!--Mike Nelson

This is not to say that Incognito Cinema Warriors has become the official heir apparent to the MST3K tradition. After all, Mike is still going strong with Rifftrax, while Joel Hodgson and his minions from MST3K have their own growing franchise in Cinematic Titanic. All that Rikk has proved is that he's the only "civilian" who is worthy.

AMEN!!!!!

So, with that in mind, let's celebrate the return of ICW (and about $@*^%! time) with Rikk's riffs on the racy and scary Italian horror film, Lady Frankenstein. For those who missed the first DVD, the idea is that Rikk is a zombie hunting soldier who's trapped in an abandoned movie house while swarms of zombies surround the place. Rikk is joined by TopsyBot 5000, which serves popcorn, and Johnny Cylon, who will deny to the death that Twiki from Buck Rogers is his grandfather. The two bots work at the theater for Dr. Harrison Blackwood, who presents movies so bad he takes precuations to keep customers from leaving. In this case, he forces Rikk and the bots to see his bad movies, or they'll be zombie chow.

Since the first DVD, Bride of the Gorilla, Rikk and his friends have cleaned up the joint, although they think they're mascots from cleaner commericals. Then, a dumpy looking non-zombie named Darrell enters the theater, looking for a place to crash. Rikk agrees, because he has his own problems, namely the next movie.
Just like before, he gets a trailer of "coming attractions", usually the next movie to be riffed. However, they've changed the seating arrangement to avoid from being too-MST-like. Rikk, TopsyBot and Cylon now sit in a balcony.

As Lady Frankenstein starts, one of the bots asks, "are we going to see a guy with bolts in his neck make us an offer we can't refuse?" Not really, but they do see once-prominent actor Joseph Cotton as Baron Frankenstein, a grave-robbing mad scientist who's trying to bring the dead back to life. His daughter, Tania, has just come back from medical school ("C'mere, you little mother's lie'). Since she's a surgeon, she wants to help in the experiments, although he's not too sure. ("Crimes against nature is boys' stuff') The Baron's assistant, Dr. Charles Marshall, doesn't mind.
After the town hangs a guy who looks like Patrick Swayze, the Baron works on using his parts to bring another man back to life. Against all odds, and despite a slightly damaged brain, he succeeds. The result looks creepier than tha cheesiest alien ("Jesus, look at the huge Martian coconut"). Not only that, the creature squeezes the Baron to death, much to the dismay of Tania.
Back in the theater, Darrell is so bad as a roommate, Rikk would prefer the Creature. Let's not talk about hygiene habits.

OK, so what about the dead mad scientist? Tania vows to carry on her father's work, with sexy results. The Creature, meanwhile, is out and about ("My creator has a first name, it's F-R-A-N-K....E-N..."), and sees two people having sex, one more naked than the other. The movie plays spoilsport, and blocks out the nudity in this and other scenes. It's quite a contrast to the start of "City Limits" on MST3K, where Joel used an umbrella to block out the brief nudity in the credits. Anyway, the creature grabs the nude woman, shakes her to death, and dumps her in the river. ("Smile, you're on Candid Camera, snuff film edition"). The undead prude does the same to one of the Baron's grave-robbing friends. This has attracted the attention of Captain Harris, played by Mickey Hargitay, the former Mr. Jayne Mansfield. He usually acts smug, suspecting people of doing blasphemous things.
Well, this movie certainly shows them, but not completely. Later in the film, Tania has married Charles, but wants to put his brain into a sexier body...Thomas, a simple-minded servant. To do that, we see something even worse than Ben Stiller was accused of doing when he made Tropic Thunder: she seduces Thomas while Charles watches, and Charles smothers Thomas with a pillow. This inspires an incredible riff from Rikk that I'd rather not repeat. You just have to hear it for yourself. They do make snide remarks about the cinematography ("Did someone release mustard gas?"), and speculate about Thomas' last words ("It was still worth it").

So, while Tania is Making Mr. Right (in more ways than one), the creature is still killing people if they're not having sex, while the townsfolk carry torches, looking to burn someone they don't like. We do get the ending where the mad scientist is punished for tampering in Hugh Hefner's, I mean God's, domain, but again it's with sexy results.

Even Rikk and his pals would agree that Lady Frankenstein is a movie with so much sex and violence (especially sex), MST wouldn't touch it, but ICWXP would. They're hard-core heavy metal, ECW in its original form, the grindhouse version of MST3000, and I salute them for that. This DVD is recommended for MST fans 17 and older.

As for the future, we'll get another Eurotrashy horror movie with Hargitay, and eventually The Hideous Sun Demon. We're also supposed to get a new character on the show. Let's just hope that episode three comes a lot sooner than episode two.

Enter Santa's Village of Madness...if you dare

Tired of cheesy Christmas movies that always feature a man and a woman falling in love for the flimsiest of reasons, Mrs. Santa Claus running away to help a family down on its luck, or the 78th knockoff of A Christmas Carol?

Rifftrax has the answer: a new VOD holiday offering called Santa's Village of Madness. It's a trio of demented holiday shorts from K. Gordon Murray, the man who turned a cheesy Mexican kids' movie called Santa Claus into an even cheesier holiday favorite during the 1960's. The YouTube sample is gone, but here's a link to the Rifftrax site to see a piece of this DVD.

If you somehow survived Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny and the Magic Christmas Tree, they still don't prepare you for this offering. According to these three shorts, which have the exact same opening credits except for the titles, Santa lives in a village that includes elves that look like Stanford co-eds, a wolf with a weird nose that also has legs that sound like accordions, a stinky skunk, Puss n Boots as head of security, and Merlin, who helps Santa get around the world on Christmas even through the Fifth Dimension (although I don't understand how Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr. are involved in this).
Google those names, then that joke works.

Basically, K. Gordon filmed about eight minutes of footage from Santa's Villages in Illinois and California, then recycled some footage from Santa Claus, to make the three shorts. Elementary school pageants have more production values than these shorts.

The first short, Santa's Enchanted Village, features Ferocious Wolf (the one with accordion legs) looking for Stinky, who's supposed to be making toys and such. Stinky is found at a puppet show, and drives some of the audience away with his smell. Then the wolf shows up and yells at Stinky, which is more interesting than the puppet show. All Santa does is wander around with two reindeer. We get riffs on Torgo, Zapruder, Pink and GWAR, while we get new lyrics to an old favorite ("We are Santa's elves, we are stuck in Hell....")

Part two, Santa and His Helpers, is even cheesier. Half of it is recycled footage from Santa Claus, including some parts that didn't get riffed in the MST3K version. The other half is Ferocious Wolf, Puss n Boots and Stinky getting into some pointless argument. Santa has to break it up thanks to the "Moonflower" that gets him there. It ends with Puss with a sword telling the wolf and the skunk to march.  The Rifftrax crew is shocked to see the Ice Cream Bunny there, driving a train. Also, how come Santa is in his home in the clouds peeking at his village below? When you're a six-year-old watching this in 1965, you just look at the toys and don't ask any questions.

The third short, Santa's Magic Kingdom, at least has something that is almost a plot: Santa's threatened by an ogre we don't really see (although it's described as "Gumby and Pokey mated").
It starts as a tour of a "Santa's Village", although Santa looks a little too waxy. Puss n Boots, whose face is compared to a squid's anus, is told by the Fairy Queen that an ogre is coming. The whole kingdom, including Mrs. Santa, Stinky, the elves and Ferocious Wolf, get involved. Merlin saves the day...somehow..then it ends with a song from the Fairy Queen that would have also killed the ogre. The riffs here are surprisingly up-to-date, especially against Daniel Day Lewis and the new Jack Reacher movie, but also include a callback to one of the last MST3K movies.

In between these shorts, Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett share Christmas memories that are...well...a bit disturbing. Still, you see why they bring us holiday movies that even the Hallmark Channel wouldn't show.

At five bucks, this 45 minute feature is a good deal. It's also a great appetizer to Rifftrax's next big target, The Avengers. That's coming December 27th. Learn more about Santa's Village of Madness, and other holiday fare (even one for Labor Day, maybe) at rifftrax.com

ICWXP: It May Not Be So Bad, But The Movies Still Are

After struggles over funding and just getting new equipment to keep the band going, the latest edition of Incognito Cinema Warriors XP was released a couple of days ago. In "The Gear Is Family", we learn a lot about the past, are surprised that there's actually some normal life during the Zombiepocalypse, witness the next stage of advanced interrogation, and see how a chocolate city creates candy, happiness and stuff.

Before we get to the details, I got a free CORPS patch because I pre-ordered the DVD way in advance. A year or so before, I had another CORPS patch that looked a little different.

I'd say that's a reminder of how long these guys have been hard a work keeping the MST3K tradition alive. After all, it's guys like these that have made severe movie criticism one of America's fastest-growing industries..and defense mechanisms. Just think of what Mike Nelson and his Rifftrax minions are gonna to do Breaking Dawn 2 (especially after seeing--when Kristen Stewart is on late night TV--a recent clip of Vampire Bella trying to remember how to act human with the help of the other vamps!).
Next April...ICWXP is five years old, just a little younger than Cinematic Titanic.

This new chapter starts with Dr. Blackwood, aka Baron Sexenstein, talking to his new invention: the Spybot that saved Rick from the Zombie Spock in the last episode. Oh, and Rikk Wolf is Blackwood in this episode. In the audio commentary, he talked about how expensive it was to look like that, especially the wig. Anyway, we see that the doc had his own list of investion exchanges from that other show, such as an edible power tie, a mobile phone made from a pineapple, and a Santa Claus Dreidel (which really exists!) He winds up selling his Spybot to Ludivico, which doesn't end well. We also get clips from the past of the show, including the first movie. When the doc is taken away by Ludivico, they don't find the Spybot. It has to go to sleep for five years, then wakes up to a new world. It's knocked out after saving Rick, but then wakes up to see Flux repairing it. He, too, was made by Blackwood. That's why Flux tells "sis", they're running away from home. Don't worry, they don't.

From seeing what happened "40 minutes earlier", you don't blame him. Flux is in drunken dispair over what Michael Bay did to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle reboot (but that was delayed before this episode was made). TopsyBot and Johnny Cylon are annoying Ludivico minion Spencer Birkin with readings of two Twilight books at the same time (the fiends!). He spends the whole episode tied up, but he's still rather funny. He also reveals part of Kansas City is zombie-free, thanks to Ludivico.

Then it's mov...oh, lousy shorts sign. Rick, TopsyBot and Cylon are mugged by creepy snack bar ads that used to be part of every drive-in, plus a strange music interlude ("Serenade for Ken Burns") that made the gang suspect the KGB was deprogramming them.
Cylon is so glad afterwards that he thanks Robot Jesus. Then we get 20 minutes of how Hershey's the "Great American Chocolate Factory" ("Is this the Tim Burton version or the good one?"). We get riffs on Kirstie Alley, Chicago (the band), Mennonites, water parks in general, Toyota and Glee, and get the immortal words "Our mom says our dad is a real conch machine".

Back at the snack bar, Rick manages to surf the web, but doesn't want to go to YouTube, which he calls the bathroom wall of the net. The bots disagree, because they uploaded a video that has a didgeridoo and limericks, while Spencer has one on lab safety. However, they don't get as much hits as some guy lighting his farts...or a remix!

So, we have what seems to be a family at Cine-a-Sorrow: Rick the Dad, Flux, Fluxette the SpyBot, TopsyBot and Cylon as the wise-cracking kids, and Birkin as the wacky neighbor, er, hostage. This gives Cylon an idea.

If you get this DVD, see the main feature first, then again with audio commentary from Rikk and Nick Evans (TopsyBot) which is really enlightening. We find out that some MST fans weren't too happy about ICWXP at first, and what Rikk really thinks about YouTube. They even said the next episode, "YouTube Is For Haters" was supposed to be this episode. We also find out there's a chance this show may wind up on regular TV, although it may not look the same. They even discuss CGI and Avatar, too.

We also find out the gang promoted their show at the Zombie Walk For Hunger in Kansas City, and an anime convention in Overland Park, near Kansas City. They include riffs, of course. If you're a fan of Pauley Perrette, you've been warned.

The DVD also includes a bonus short about etiquette from Josh Way's Fun With Shorts, and a link to a future webisode where they give a "fair" review of the latest Resident Evil movie. The preview, though, may tip off their opinion about the movie. It's not ready yet, but it's coming soon.

You can get the latest ICWXP DVD, and lots of other stuff, by clicking here. You really should. This is fine humor that defied the odds to exist at all. Just ask Kickstarter.   

Cinematic Titanic Gets Snakebit With "Rattlers"

It's been six months since Cinematic Titanic has released a new DVD of their live show, but the new one is another winner. This time, the crew takes on Rattlers, a story of a herpetologist battling psychotic rattlesnakes. The usual gang is here: Joel Hodgson, Trace Beauliew, J. Elvis Weinstein, Mary Jo Pehl and TV's Frank Coniff
You may notice the movie doesn't have credits aside from the title for the movie, Considering the fact the hero gets out-acted by the rattlesnakes and the rocks in the desert, that kind of makes sense. The movie and the riffing is a bit sluggish but, just like The Dark Knight Rises, it picks up in the final 15 minutes (as if the producers realize they have to end the movie because they have 15 minutes of film left).

Anyway, it starts with two boys wandering in the desert, looking for a "real live skeleton", and they jabber like crazy (Frank: "Jodie Foster was so cute when she was a little boy"). Instead of a skeleton, they find agressive rattlesnakes that bite them a jillion times.

Enter Tom Parkinson, herpetologist, and not unlike a "David Hartman action figure". Still, he's good at what he does. He even saves a fellow teacher from an escaped cobra with several waves of his hand. Tom soon heads to the Middle of Nowhere Sheriff's Department to investigate the death of those two kids.

While this is going on, other people die of snakebites in very embarassing ways. A teenage boy carrying a lantern inside a barn gets bitten, and he falls, setting the barn on fire. Meanwhile, his mom is surprised by several rattlenakes who thought they were there for a sleepover. There's also a housewife who gets bitten in the tub when several snakes break through the drain, and a plumber who finds out what's really clogging the pipes (Trace: "Get me, I'm a plumber's snake. I can write for Lopez").

Tom is soon joined by Ann, a liberated female photographer who spouts off about equal rights. He tells her that if he had his way her "liberated ass" would be at the Sheriff's Department. He apologizes later, but is also told about how her mom was worn down by working at a factory. Anyway, they soon figure out the snakes' attacks took place near an old Army base...with a deep, dark and stupid secret. It's called CT3, which Mary Jo says is Cinematic Titanic 3-D. Now that's a good idea, but which movie should have the honor?

Back to the movie: Tom and Ann later discover the big secret is actually hidden in a mine shaft, filled with snakes. They escape, and the experience drains all the feminism out of Ann. For no good reason, they escape to a romantic night in Las Vegas (Joel: "What doesn't happen in Vegas stays in this movie."). Why Miss Liberated Photographer would fall for Mr. Bland Snake Expert, we'll never know, and the movie is hoping you won't ask.
However, the mood is broken by an invasion of snakes, followed by an invasion of trigger-happy soldiers. Ann gets bit (J. Elvis: "Watch out for my pet turtle"), and Tom demands to find out what the Army base is hiding. Cut to a colonel burning incriminating records, and a medical officer looking like a drunk zombie. The ending is surprising, in a bad way, and also hints about, or rather threatens, a possible sequel.

The CT gang make jokes about John C. Reilly, Mel Gibson, David Carradine (again), a comment about teachers losing bargaining rights, Wikileaks, Squidbillies, and a callback to a classic MST3K riff. The movie also shows a lot of skin, and we don't mean the snakes. We mean a Playboy centerfold and a doomed housewife in a bathtub. That blimp that covered up nudity in Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks is nowhere to be seen.

The DVD includes trailers of other DVDs, plus a behind-the-scenes look at a recent show in Atlanta. It looks like the CT crew will stick to live shows, although I really miss the old premise where they were trapped somewhere, riffing on bad movies. I'm just nostalgic about the old days.
You can order DVDs and tickets to future events at cinematictitanic.com The Rattlers DVD is sold out, but it's expected to be available again.

Rifftrax Live DVD: Jack the Giant Killer

Later this summer, The Rifftrax Gang (aka Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett) will be doing another live show and take on probably the most infamous movie in MST3K history, Manos, the Hands of Fate.

In anticipation for this, the DVD version of the last live show, Jack the Giant Killer, has just been released. It may remind people of a previous MST3K entry, The Magic Sword. The only difference is there's no actors you've heard of (including Basil Rathborne) or anyone yelling "I'm a Grimwold Warrior" (yes, that's from another movie, but still...). However, you may be using the phrase "seizing the bone" a lot.

It's a cheesy fairy tale flick about how an evil wizard tries to takeover Cornwall through magic and ridiculous clothing. He is challenged by a farmer who attract the King's attention by knocking off a giant that looks like The Incredible Colossal Man with a horn. There's a hot princess in the mix, who gets possessed by a demon and turns into Lady Gaga, and an annoying bottled leprechaun. Actually the story has a bit of intrigue but you get turned off by the lousy special effects and cheap sets. Game of Thrones this ain't, but a joke about it is part of the riffing.

You can also expect snide remarks like these:

As the princess is tucked into bed for a nap: Sleep now to the sound of the peasants gently starving to death.
After Jack kills the giant, and justifies the name of the movie: Bury me next to Gumby
The evil witches show up to steal the princess: We're looking for a fellow by the name of Pufnstuff
Pendragon, the Big Bad of the movie, makes his final assault: This movie is coming close to becoming a Meat Loaf album cover.

There's also snide remarks about Delta Airlines, Stevie Nicks, Waterworld, Keira Knightly, a callback to a previous Rifftrax short, and The Untouchables. Oh, and "seizing the bone" happens when Jack meets evil guards that move very slowly against him.

While the riffing for the main movie is pretty good, I really liked their reactions to a short called "What is Nothing?" It shows two kids to find the meaning of nothing, and we don't mean the number of viewers who watched Work It (Bosom Buddies II) on purpose. Expect riffs on Ellen DeGeneneres, David Lynch, and the "plot" to the last two seasons of Lost.

Extras include a slide show of how they prepared for the event, such as adding medieval stuff, plus lots of "fun facts" that seem accurate, such as who Amanda Seyfried's parents really are or movie lines that may or may not be fake.

You can get the new DVD, plus more, at rifftrax.com. It also has mp3s which express "opinions" about Iron Man, Captain America and Thor, just in time for The Avengers (which will be Rifftrax'ed, some how, some day).

ICWXP The Comic Book...Where MST3K Has Not Gone Before

Sure, it seems like nearly TV show has a comic book, or tried to make one.
Buffy, Angel, Fringe, True Blood, CSI, even F-Troop (but that was back in the 1960s).

So why not have the Incognito Cinema Warriors do the comic book thing? It would boldly go where Mystery Science Theater 3000 never did, and what I wish Cinematic Titanic would do to explain their premise before they went only to live shows.
Anyway, ICWXP, the Non-Motion Picture explains what happened between the end of season one, where the Ludovico Corporation put Dr. Blackwood to pasture (or in it), to season two, where Rick Wolf had to be freed from the Ultimate Cinema Torture machine.

I received the digital version, but it's just as enjoyable as the portable paper version...especially since reading it on tablets or iPads is a more modern version.

Besides, this introduction by Wolf is reason enough to get the comic book:

"I am Commander Rick Wolf of CORPS, and once, a very long time ago...I WAS A HIGHLANDER!
Okay, not really....but damn I can rock a kilt."

Actually, it's Rick battling zombies outside the Cine-a-Sorrow Theater somewhere near Kansas City with his riffing robots TopsyBot 5000 and Johnny Cylon. While they do so, they get some nice riffs down on everything including movies in general, Steve Jobs, Butch and Sundance, and Resident Evil. They also ask the age-old question, "What would Danny Trejo do?"

The art, done by Wolf, is quite good. It's almost like seeing Rick, TopsyBot and Cylon live and usually covered in zombie blood. He also co-wrote the story with Bethanie Woods.

So, what could spoil the glorious moment for our heroes? None other than Kincaid, who sadly won't be part of season two. Hopefully the comic book will explain why, but it looks like he's decided to help our heroes so he can kill them twice. He's clearly the son Pearl Forrester cloned from herself just after Mystery Science Theater 3000 closed up shop.

It looks like in issue two Cylon is Rick's only hope, while TopsyBot is out of commission. Yet, if you got the first season two DVD, which featured a boring Victory Gardens short, you know the bots do survive and save Rick from the "luxury bedpan recliner".
But how? We'll find out in issue two, which may be made if enough people buy issue one. After all, the comics biz ain't too much different from TV. One poorly-selling title and you're gone, Jack!

Visit ICWXP.com to get your issue, plus their DVDs. They also have a new Kickstarter campaign to raise cash for new equipment. They're offering great premiums, including autographed posters and rare copies of the first DVD, Bride of the Gorilla, which looks a lot like the old MST.
So, check out Incognito Cinema Warriors XP, the Non-Motion Picture. It's Mike Nelson-approved. Really. It says so in the Lady Frankenstein DVD cover.