Recently, I've been seeing bad Italian horror movies being riffed by Cinematic Titanic and Incognito Cinema Warriors XP. These films are a unique breed, combining breasts with blood. Where else can a horror fan ogle a naked girl who either makes monsters or is carried off by one?
Thanks to CT, though, I found a even stranger movie: a Filipino vampire movie set in Mexico, where some of the actors are in blackface, and the evil demons are defeated by the full force of the Catholic Church. These, and more, are part of Blood of the Vampires. This was one of the two movies riffed during the recent live tour. I don't know how the riffs in the recent DVD release compares to the live showings, but it's safe to say there's not much difference.
The movie was released by the same people who gave us The Oozing Skull. You can tell that because the soundtrack for that movie is the theme for B of V. Right off the bat, the crew is in gear, noting the titles are trying to escape, and Josh noting "Gerardo de Leon, he's the guy who discovered the Fountain of Sh*t", which apparently is this movie.
The story is about the cursed Escordero family. The head of the family, Don Enrique, doesn't want his two kids, Eduardo and Lenore, to be married to their respective loves, Christina and Daniel (who basically doubles as a mannequin, as does Eduardo). The reason is there's a deep dark secret in the basement. It's so horrible, dad wants the house burned to the ground when he dies. Eduardo demands the truth, and Don Enrique reluctantly shows him through a secret room behind a painting (Josh Weinstein: "I predict this is the first of many times that this film goes into a wall."). In the basement, they find mom in a coffin...waking up! That's right, she is a vampire (Mary Joel Pehl: "Even in death, she needed a shave."). Lenore also finds out about the secret in a very embarrassing way, even for this movie. She decides to break up with Daniel, but he maybe talks her out of it. We don't know.
Then, Eduardo makes the mistake of visiting Vampire Mom, and taking off his crucifix to show his good will. Mom goes for the neck, and now Eddie's a vampire, too. He also has the best demon teeth in the whole movie. Still, Eduardo has to face it, as Trace Beaulieu says, "I got a hickey, FROM MY MOM!!" It isn't long before he makes his girlfriend Christina a vampire, too, and later his wife. Hey, he might as well...
Don Enrique is unaware of all this before he spots his vampire wife wandering around again, looking at Lenore's neck. He stops her, and she escapes so quickly "she's like an unholy Usain Bolt. (DVD's Frank Coniff with that one)" The "black" manservant does kill her with a wooden stake, and they burn her body. (Joel Hodgson: "That's the way I want to go, Kirk Douglas, Viking style."). Don Enrique goes to tell Eduardo, just in time to get killed by his vampire son.
As for Lenore, she fears she'll die the way mom did, but Daniel the Mannequin says they should run away together. They do, but their stagecoach has been damaged by Eduardo, and they both die, or one of them dies, or something.
Oh, Lenore lives while Daniel is dead, according to her vampire brother. However, that doesn't stop Daniel from visiting her as a surprisingly solid ghost. It also leads Eduardo to lust after her sister or at least her neck. This leads to one of the best riffs in this movie...
Mary Jo: Brother-sister vampire action? It's not right and it's not hot.
Josh: Would it help if they put one of them in blackface?
Ah, yes, some of the cast are put in blackface to show they are servants to the lighter-skinned not-Mexicans. The CT crew have quite a time mocking this decision, especially when they identify three "black" servants together as "the Jolsonettes".
But back to the movie: this soon leads to a battle of the undeads for Lenore's soul. Daniel even has an alleged sword fight with Eduardo. This doesn't stop Eduardo, though, from biting a servant right in front of his vampire wife. Tsk.
Meanwhile, Lenore digs up Daniel's body to see he is really dead. Then, the vampire family and the undead Jolsonettes arrive to feast on her body.
Finally, we get the typical unruly crowd with torches, ready to storm the house of evil that as Casa Escodero. Not only that, they have priests and nuns from every church in "Mexico" storming the place. This leads to a series of religious riffs that may upset or amuse the average Catholic. Daniel the ghost also shows up to deal with now-undead Lenore. This leads to a riff that sums up how ridiculous a Filipino movie about Mexican vampires really is. I won't repeat it because this is an obvious way to get you to buy the DVD.
Aside from the movie, we have a couple of host segments. The supervisor for the CT group talks about a "data spill" in the Copolla tank. The other segment apparently shows the crew in the middle of power drinking. Considering the movie, it should have started after the credits. Anyway, Frank claims he hasn't had a drink in 22 years, but will make an exception. Then he gets a call on his cell that freaks him out. Again, get the DVD, and you'll see why.
Actually, I've noticed the CT crew only does one "host segment" per DVD, rather than two in the earlier releases. Compare that to the ICWXP gang, who go out of their way to attack a bad movie just like MST3K at its prime with at least three host segments.
While this was another winner, I am hoping they can get the DVD for Dynamite Brothers released soon, probably around Memorial Day. I did see that movie in the live tour in San Francisco. If the crew at least kept The Spit-Take Heard Round the World, it will be worth it.