Thursday, March 4, 2010

At Last! The Latest Cinematic Titanic DVD Review

I've had the new Cinematic Titanic Live DVD for nearly a week, but I've been sidetracked by bobsleds and the best hockey game on TV since the Miracle on Ice.
Now, I've had the chance to look over the second live show, which is also from the Largo in Los Angeles when they had a three-day run there late last year.

I had thought they would have Danger on Tiki Island, which the CT crew wrestled with last month. Instead, they had The Alien Factor, which is about a small Maryland town being attacked by alien animals in completely embarrassing ways.
Or maybe the movie is the thing that is embarrassing. At least you can't blame Independent International Pictures on this tripe. It's locally owned, operated and filmed, and looks like it.

Aside from the aliens, there's political intrigue as the Mayor tried to get the local sheriff to hush the whole thing up, or the new amusement park won't be built. There's a reporter who is determined to find the truth, but likely can't find her car. There's a weird looking guy who apparently can handle these aliens, maybe a little too well. There's also long, thoughtful walks in the woods to pad whatever lack of drama the movie has.

Naturally, it's the riffing that makes the movie worth watching, because it illustrates why the movie wasn't worth making.
A sampling:

A "police" car responds to a guy getting killed by one of the aliens who looks like his skin was duct tape: "Has there ever in history been a two-door cop car?"

Some guys walk to the sheriff to offer their help: "It's Three Dog Night!"

A girl sees one of the aliens and tries to run away: "Even the film is trying to escape."

One of the locals gets zapped, then the film cuts to three kids playing with a ball: "Childhood syphilis can happen to anyone."

A local band sings to pad the film: "They're actually a tribute band to themselves."

A mysterious guy named Benjamin Zachery asks the Mayor to come in his house to discuss the aliens: "I was right in the middle of my Chevy Chase lessons, but come on in." (possibly a ripoff to a Mike Nelson joke from "Laserblast")

The Sheriff battles another of the aliens: a tall bulky fellow who looks like a cross between an ant and Bigfoot: "Dark Horse presents Godzilla vs. McCloud".

The climax involves Zachery battling the worst of the Iguana ghost that's really an SFX shot so bad, it would make Ray Harryhausen throw up: "What has two arms, no legs and has made this movie even worse?"

The DVD, at least, has the guts to list the entire cast at the end, but for three seconds and in very small font. There's also a preview of "East Meets Watts", guaranteed to convince you to get this DVD, too.
As for the future, another live DVD is coming, most likely the "Danger on Tiki Island" movie. After that, let's hope they go back to the traditional style, including comedy bits to interrupt the movie. After all, the premise is they're riffing on bad movies against their will, like the other guys. We can't have them enjoy it, or we'd unleash them against Avatar or Transformers 2. Say....

No comments: