It's The Rifftrax League Vs. Batman and Superman

It wasn't too long ago that the Rifftrax trio of Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett would riff for hours against bad movies. They did their best against James Cameron extra-long blockbusters like Titanic and Avatar.

However, they're not the marathon riffers they used to be. That's why they recruited a lot of help when they decided to take on Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. The crew included Mike's wife Bridget, former adversaries Mary Jo Pehl, Trace Beaulieu and Frank Coniff, Sketchfest bigwigs Janey Varney and Cole Stratton, Brit riffers Ian Potter and Matthew J. Elliott, and writers Conor Lawstoka and Sean Thomason.
Or it could be the movie has too much bad for three guys to handle.

Doesn't matter, because this was one of the best riffs in years. It's also a change of pace from battling the latest Star Wars movies.
The plot, of course, is Batman and Superman having some disagreement on how to deal with the bad guys, while Earth seems to be scared of having a Man of Steel around. Add Lex Luthor as the Joker exploiting the situation, and a woman who saves the movie while the guys wonder what just happened, and you have this movie.

Each "team" takes a chunk of the movie and riffs away. Each has its own style, but Conor and Sean are just hilarious in their first movie. Unleashing them on Justice League or any B movie would be a good idea.
Also, Trace and Frank's chunk is almost like their podcast show, only with video. They're the "lucky" guys who see Batman ask Superman why he said he has to save Martha (which turns out to be the dumbest turning point in any comic book movie ever). Frank even wonders why Rifftrax hates him and Trace. Uh, you guys exposed Mike to Coleman Francis, for starters.

Anyway, let's look at the best riffs from each of the teams:
First, the Rifftrax trio's first turn

Young Bruce Wayne runs from a funeral
This must be where he's bitten by a radioactive bat

A woman says Superman caused a major disaster..."So many dead"
Santa Claus. We never should have let him down the chimney

Then Sean and Conor:

Bruce visits his parents' crypt
This is where they keep all the footage from that Nicholas Cage Superman movie

Cole and Janet:

Lex, Clark and Bruce attempt to banter
It's like if the Marx Brothers were awful

Bruce and Diana meet and talk about what he placed at Luthor's party
What's the opposite of chemistry because that's what these two have.

Matt and Ian:

Mrs.Kent to Superman:  People hate what they don't understand
Like the new Twin Peaks

They comment on how Bruce is training with tires
You can get tires delivered through Amazon Prime
I thought Wonder Woman was Amazon Prime

Bridget and Mary Jo:

Clark talks to the ghost of his dad, especially how saving his family farm seriously destroyed another nearby
Clark to Dad: Did the nightmares ever stop?
Robin Hood haunted me for years.

Lex pushes Lois Lane off a tall building. Superman saves her
I was expecting Christopher Reeve

Diana looks through the download she got from Bruce
She's googling Lynda Carter

Trace and Frank:

Batman tries to shoot Superman
Where does he get all those meaningless toys?

Then the Martha scene, where Batman yells "Why did you say that name?"
It begins with bad screen writing

Finally, the RT guys finish it off:

Superman's death scene:
I'm dying but at least I'll never have to meet Aquaman.

There's also riffs on lots of  subjects including Charlie Rose, Golden Corral (again), Steve Mnuchin, Bob's Big Boy, Casablanca, Joss Whedon, Trivago and Steve Bannon.

Actually, having a riffing "relay race" gives all the riffers a chance to shine. Maybe they can do this again when Last Jedi is likely to be released on home video next spring.
The mp3 riff of Batman v Superman is now available at the website

Rifftrax at the SF Sketchfest or the Dress Rehearsal to the MST3K Reunion

Suffering for me, fun for you--Rifftrax's new slogan (thanks, Kevin)

In two months, thousands of fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000 will gather at theaters near them to see history being made: Mike Nelson joining Joel Hodgson and Jonah Ray mocking bad movies in the ultimate passing of the torch. Not only that, most of the MST alumni will be there...and maybe two people that represent the future (fingers still crossed).

What will it be like to see up to ten people riffing at once? Actually, those who attended the San Francisco Sketchfest already got a good idea three months ago when Rifftrax had its annual Night of the Shorts. The event was released for streaming this week.

While it's the longest VOD offering Rifftrax has ever offered at just over two hours, the show only features seven shorts. Actually, one short is several depressing scenes from a marriage in Canada, and another is part of a 1949 serial with Batman and Robin. It was a chance to mock a superhero that was expected to make a big splash in the movies two months later. He wound up making something else, but that's another rant.

Actually, the selection of shorts is a very good sample of the kinds of shorts that Rifftrax offers on its website. The Trouble With Women and One Got Fat are from the first two DVD collections, while Dining Together was a Thanksgiving offering from last year that would really fit well (?) with Fun in Balloonland. It's too bad the narrator for Dining Together is more stiff than the voice of IBM's Watson. The drunk narrator from Balloonland would have been better.

The short that got the most attention was David and Hazel, a Canadian feature that shows how important it is to communicate. It's about a husband who stops at nothing to avoid talking to his wife, even when he's worried he'll lose his job in a merger. He gets upset when his wife serves roast beef ("What do you think we are, millionaires?", a line that generated lots of riffs), but can't talk to his son (although it could be that he was born with lockjaw). This was shown in two parts, with Mary Jo Pehl and Bridget Nelson riffing on part one (and showing what "great pals" they are) and Janet Varney and Cole Stratton taking on part two. It's safe to say this short was more tedious and depressing than Setting Up A Room in last year's Sketchfest.
They also mentioned Kevin and Bill made their own version of the last scene:



A short on improving pronunciation is "disguised" as a TV show with teens talking about stuff in a groovy way. The host explains how some teens are smudgers and grunters, which doesn't sound as cool as being a Rocker or a Mod. One of the riffers describes it as "Sesame Street if the Muppets were weirder looking". The fact the host uses the teens' mispronounced words against them doesn't help, either.

The real test, though, was bringing all the riffers back to take on chapter three of the Batman and Robin serial, "Robin's Wild Ride". Apparently that took place when their villain, the Wizard, hijacked their car by remote control.

Usually I single out some riffs, and this will be no exception. The live riffs for Trouble With Women and One Got Fat weren't changed that much compared to the original. However, Bill got in a "Gamergate" riff for the first, and an Eminem riff on the other.
Here's a couple from Dining Together, recreating way too many typical holiday dinners:
It's like chewing a piece of grandma
Daddy says you're easy. What does that mean?

On David and Hazel, he explains how he keeps his wife in the dark about his problems:
Just gotta keep her heavily sedated.
Or how he deals with his son having to choose between his paper route and the track team:
"Who do you think is going to help you make up your own mind when you're a man?"
Mommy?
There's also riffs on Glenn Miller, Requiem For A Dream and Cheers.

As for the Batman and Robin short, let's start with them puzzled that there are opening credits in front of them:
Holy Typography!
The DVD gets stalled in the middle, leaving the cast lost on what to do next.
"Somebody kick the DVD. Still faster than David and Hazel". Janet does volunteer to be a jury, but Cole says they're Two Angry Men short.
The best riff was when the Wizard's men hijacked a truck by pretending to have car trouble.
Why is the engine wearing a little gangster hat? Ah, gangsters!
There's also riffs on James Franco, Thomas the Tank Engine and Spencer's Gifts.

Aside from the stalled DVD, the riffing for the last short was pretty smooth. It's a great dress rehearsal for what's coming June 28th. The Sketchfest is available here, and the Rifftrax website has more shorts and movies available.
Also a reminder, the live riffing for Time Chasers is coming May 5th, about the same time some superhero movie gets an early premiere. Well, the heck with costumed guys who can't get along. They'll have to wait while we see if time travel is possible with a Commodore 64. Tickets for Time Chasers are available at the Fathom Events website.

In A Not-Too-Alternative Future, What If MST3K Still Existed?

As the revival of Mystery Science Theater 3000 revival  is poised to hit its first goal of $2 Million, let's take a look at what he said during his second update on Kickstarter:

If MST3K hadn't gotten canceled fifteen years ago, it’s possible we could have had 4 or 5 hosts by now, and it would be just like Doctor Who: even if you had "your Doctor," you'd still be able to appreciate the different flavors that each new Host or Mad or robot added to the show. It's part of what makes a show like Doctor Who or SNL last. I’m a Tom Baker fan myself, and no one is funnier than Dan Aykroyd. (To me.)

When I first left MST3K and Mike took over as host, some of you said you were done watching – not because he was bad, but because he was different. Then, once the shock wore off, a lot of you realized he brought something new and great to the job. Many of you even liked his episodes better! And when Kevin took over as Tom Servo, there was hate mail, but for many of you he became the definitive Servo! I could go on.

So yeah, we've been through this before, and I get it. Different can be scary, especially if you really loved the old seasons. But just think: if you had never given Mike or Kevin or Bill or Frank or Mary Jo a chance in their roles, you'd have almost 100 fewer episodes of MST3K to enjoy today. I'm not asking you to like the next cast better than the last one, but I hope you'll give them a chance, and see what they can do.

Then, when their time is up, I hope you'll give the next cast a chance too.

So, let’s speculate how (and maybe when)  there would have been changes of the guard at MST if it stayed on the air on SyFy.

It’s safe to say they’d never run out of bad films. We can assume real gems like Hideous Sun Demon, The Bermuda Triangle, Supersonic Man, ROTOR, Braniac, Rock and Roll Nightmare, Birdemic,  and Death Promise would have been experiments on the show.

First, how long would Mike Nelson stay on the Satellite of Love? Let’s say he stays until 2004, or about ten years aboard the ship. The Nanites are still busy maintaining the ship and keeping it up-to-date.

On the final episode of season 15, where they take on The Day The World Ended, Pearl tries to kill Mike because she’s got nothing better to do. Bobo and the Observer try to stop her, but she tries to kill them. So, the Observer uses his brain power that’s boosted thanks to his brain soaking in Red Bull. He zaps Mike to safety, or actually next to Nuveena. They spend the rest of their lives in that Designs for Dreaming short. It also blows up Observer's brain, so he's just a chalky-looking alien.  Pearl, though, is zapped into the Satellite of Love, which means she has to endure the bad movies Bobo and Observer give her.

MARY JO PEHL:  2004-2008

The picture is from the "Quest of the Delta Knights" episode.
During Pearl’s time, she’s angry at this new situation, and tries to find ways to take control of the SOL. Naturally, she’s very hostile towards Crow and Servo, but this changes in time, and they all try to plot against Bobo and Observer, It also looks like Bobo is the dominant mad scientist, while Observer slowly regains his intellect but not all of his powers.
This continues until she starts to feel strange. The bots claim she’s having conversations with her son Clayton, but only she is there. It turns out she absorbed Clayton when he was a star baby, and now Pearl starts looking like her son. At one point, Trace Beaulieu cameos as Pearl. Eventually, she has an extra head that looks like her son, and they actually riff in a segment in the season 19 finale. The two-headed Forrester, though, is able to take control of the SOL and land it. They and the bots chase after Bobo and Observer, and that’s the end.

Or is it? 

COLE AND JANET:  2008-2011

A couple, played by Rifftrax vets Cole Stratton and Janet Varney, go inside the SOL and accidentally launch it into space. Bobo and Observer get back, but don’t mention what happened to Pearl or the bots. However, Servo and Crow suddenly show up in the third episode, thinking Cole and Janet need a little help in the riffing (or the bots feel threatened). Bobo and Observer show the lousy movies because, mainly, it’s all they know. They do give Cole and Janet satellite TV and a modest salary in exchange for doing the experiments, and they readily agree because it sure beats getting a job. They also happen to be fans of movie mocking. There’s also romance, which really worries the bots because they’re afraid they may have to babysit eventually. 

There is a 20^th anniversary show, where they re-riff the first episode, The Crawling Eye. We find out Pearl got rid of the second head, and it’s being used for scientific experiments and displayed a la Futurama. As for her, a shadowy group keep her contained, fearing what she’ll do next. Actually, she’s back to her old self, but the group just likes to lock people away. The staff includes a guy who looks suspiciously like Dr. Ehrhardt, who says he never liked Pearl. The 20th season also includes cameos from Joel, and even Mike and Bridget, who’s had enough of their “Design for Dreaming”. They do mention they created something new called Rifftrax. The bots say it’ll never work…without them. Then Mike introduces the bots to Kevin and Bill. 

They continue until 2011 when that shadowy group is revealed as CORPS, which includes a soldier named Rikk.  It takes over and ends the experiment. Cole and Janet decide (or are forcefully encouraged) to join CORPS, while Bobo and the Observer are taken somewhere.  As for Crow and Servo, they’re turned off, and placed on a shelf. However, unknown hands take them, and the person says, “Don’t worry, I’ll take you to Joel. He’ll know what to do.” This is signaled as SyFy’s decision to close MST for good, but a massive social media campaign changes its mind, sort of.

RIKK WOLF:  2012-2015

They try a new version called “Cinematic Titanic” in 2012, but the pilot doesn’t work. So, since SyFy only has the rights to the title of the show, it tries something completely different: it changes the premise to a soldier trapped in a zombie invasion, and finding an abandoned movie theater. Yep, it’s Incognito Cinema Warriors with Rikk Wolf of CORPS, Johnny Cylon and Topsybot 5000. SyFy figures changing the show and adding an edge would create new interest. After all, if Comedy Central could continue The Man Show without  Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel, then MST3K with new people would be the same thing, right?

Well, yes and no. The MST fans give Rikk and his bots a fair chance, but after two and a half years, and lots of cast changes and premise changes (especially who would be their nemesis), the show ends with the zombies breaking through. Some of them look familiar, like Joel, Mike, TV's Frank, the bots….and Pearl. However, they just wanted to go inside and see the movie.  Rikk, Cylon and Topsybot sneak out, but the theater is suddenly blown to pieces by a rogue CORPS squadron. Rikk joins them, and the show ends the way it began.

Suddenly a shadowy figure says, “For the past two and a half years, you had been watching a show that pretended to be Mystery Science Theater 3000. Mark my words, there will come a day where the true experiment will return. I am the new Dr. Forrester, and I will be your master, driving you insane through bad movies. It will work this time. I will not fail…ah, who am I kidding? Sharknado and that movie about a Werewolf Whale prove you can take anything. Some of you even made bad movies so you could mock them. Still, you want the real thing, and I will give it to you. Just be patient. I just need the right subject…and those bots.”

Then another shadowy figure appears, with a big box.
The screen goes black, but a hashtag appears:  #BringBacktheRealMST3K. 

So, that's how MST3K would have survived if there were plenty of TV executives who get it. Now, other fans would have had different ideas on who would have hosted after Mike Nelson, but I based my choices on Rifftrax and ICWXP. You're welcome to suggest who'd be better. 

Oh, and Joel has confirmed that Jonah Ray will likely be the next captain of the Satellite of Love now that three episodes are guaranteed. Apparently they met at the Nerdist podcast, and they talked about MST3K. Apparently Jonah won the job after he did an impression of Joel pretending to be him, and getting to know each other. Anyway, his TV name will be "Jonah Heston", and theoretically, this is what he'll be doing next year:

Hopefully,  he'll be part of the Turkey Day marathon next week. 

Rifftrax: Welcome To Dennis Quaid's Nightmare

Aside from creating the San Francisco Sketchfest event that makes some room for severe movie criticism, Cole Stratton and Janet Varney have been part of Rifftrax in its early years. Their first target was The Lost Boys in 2010, followed by Jaws 3-D and Flatliners.

They returned recently for their first VOD title, Dreamscape, with Dennis Quaid as a psychic being "persuaded" to be part of an experiment in dream manipulation. Of course, there's a dark side to this project as it slowly morphs into an attempt to kill the President in his dreams. While critics liked this movie back in 1984, it looks a lot cheesier after all these years.

It features Christopher Plummer in one of his "evil in a suit" roles that he had during the 80's (remember Firehead?), Max Von Sydow as the head of the project, Eddie Albert as the president who dreams of nuclear explosions. and Kate Capshaw as the dream scientist/mandatory love interest just after people blamed her for Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Oh, and there's George Wendt (NORM!) as an author who thinks Plummer is up to no good.

What's interesting about how Cole and Janet take on this movie is that they pack a ton of movie and music references in less than two hours. They especially make remarks about Quaid's movie career and even throw in a riff about an Alec Baldwin movie everyone has forgotten about...even Alec. TV's Frank would be so proud.

The plot:  Quaid plays Alex, a psychic who uses his powers to pick longshots at the race track. He's not a favorite with the bookies, Anyway, Von Sydow's character wants Alex to be part of the dream manipulation program, or Alex may see some tax problems thanks to his winnings. Alex leaps into the dreams of a construction worker, a guy who's convinced his wife will cheat on him, and a kid named Buddy who's being attacked by a snake man. He even gets into Capshaw's dream where she's riding in a train. It leads to a lame sex scene that will remind no one of his sex scenes with Ellen Barkin in The Big Easy two years later.

Plummer plays Blair, a CIA type who is worried the President will agree to nuclear disarmament because of his nightmares. Blair wants America to be secure with all the nuclear bombs it wants. He also wants to find a way to kill enemies by sending assassins into their dreams. Sure, sounds dumb, but at least he has a psycho psychic who can do the job. It helps that he's played by the same guy who said "Warriors, come out and play".

Now some of the riffs:

A woman tries to outrun a nuclear explosion...in a dream
Cole:  Run, Mia Farrow, run!

Buddy has a nightmare
Janet:  Happy Meal....has no toy!!

The President has one of his nightmares
Cole: Phoenix in the summer is just awful

Jane (Capshaw) is upset Alex isn't predicting flash cards as he should
"Why can't you take this more seriously?"
Cole:  Is she talking to us right now?

And the perfect description of Alex and Jane making out on the dream train?
Janet:  All the chemistry of Teri Hatcher and Howie Long from those Radio Shack
commercials. 

There's also riffs on REM, a defunct department store, Atari, Ghostbusters, Snowpiercer, Animal House and Saturday Night Live. Also, if you listen carefully as Alex tries to get away on a motorcycle from Blair's goons, you'll get a really obscure reference that only true TV comedy fans will understand.

The movie is available at Rifftrax's website.

Rifftrax's New and Improved Sketchfest Video

A couple of years ago, Rifftrax presented a video of its live show from the San Francisco Sketchfest, where they mock several terrible education videos. It looked a little underlit, and you couldn't hear the audience laughing. It still had some great guests including Kristen Schaal (now with Last Man on Earth but is also one of Jake's kids from Adventure Time), Adam Savage from Mythbusters and Kevin MacDonald from Kids in the Hall. 

Now, it's released "Night of the Shorts 5:  A Good Day To Riff Hard", which took place last month at Sketchfest. That means some of the riffs are piping hot. They take a look at six shorts, already available at the Rifftrax site. It just has the added kick of live reactions from the audience. The production is also fancier. There's real opening credits, and they'd added scenes of the riffers doing their thing along with audience reactions. The lighting is better, too.

It starts with "One Turkey, Two Turkey", where kids learn to count to ten by seeing lots of turkeys while hearing a song that Schoolhouse Rock would never use, That's followed by the first half of "Setting Up a Room", with Sketchfest founders, and Rifftrax riffers, Cole Stratton and Janet Varney. This film shows two teachers taking a looooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg time preparing a room for a kindergarden class. It's more tedious than Lost Continent and Hercules Against the Moon Men combined. Kevin Murphy does point out that it's better than "setting up The Room".

The third short is "Writing Better Social Letters", harking back to a time where people had to send thank-you letters to friends and family, and actually use prehistoric things like a pencil and an envelope. It's also a Coronet film, so that explains a lot. Todd Barry helps out here. That's followed by the short of the night, "Live and Learn", where kids from the 1950's do incredibly stupid things that send them to the hospital. It also has lame special effects, where they try to recreate the scene of a kid falling off a cliff. How it's handled makes Bill Corbett complain about how a "perfectly good mannequin" is ruined.

Comic John Hodgman joins the crew (after barely avoiding injury) to riff on "Making Sense With Sentences", another Coronet film that tries to teach kids grammar through a fictitious island and a guy who's a cross of Ed Wynn and John C. Reilly. Sadly, using confusing riddles and plush elephants that move by themselves isn't that effective. It had a monkey who just sits there in the background. If it had a bigger role, it could have been a better short. Then Paul F. Tompkins, dressed like a snappy-looking test pattern, helps out with "Safety: In Danger, Out of Doors" Safety Woman, aka Guardiana not of the Galaxy, is back to give safety lessons to more kids dumber than the ones in "Live and Learn." She uses powers given to her by chipmunk aliens that help her reverse time, or beams kids away from speeding cars about to hit them.  Still, saving kids from drowning is described as "a less-stupid version of Tom Cruise in Edge of Tomorrow". It also includes a really sharp riff by Mike Nelson that's got to be heard.

Finally, all of the guests return to take on the second half of "Setting Up A Room", which turns out more tedious than rock climbing. It does start with a "previously on" review that may look familiar to fans of a certain podcast. This sets a new record for most people riffing on a lousy education film (not including DVD commentaries), and might prove that combining the Rifftrax and MST3K riffers into a super-group just might work for one night (like maybe against, oh, Twilight?)

The new Sketchfest show is now available for $9.99 ($11.99 for HD) at the website, along with the 2013 Sketchfest show.

Also, the Kickstarter campaign for fund this year's Rifftrax Live shows known as "The Crappening" is still in full swing. They'll take on The Room, Sharknado 2, Miami Connection, and another version of Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.  It's currently at 162 thousand dollars, but it it reaches $200 thousand, people will finally get a riff of the final Harry Potter movie, $225 thousand will add a new Tommy Wiseau-inspired Rifftrax t-shirt, and $250 thousand means people who donate at least 75 bucks will get copies of  three Rifftrax Live shows. It won't include The Room, because you still have to look for that DVD--on purpose--to enjoy the mp3 riff.